The Simple Things in Life
by Willowsnake
Summary: Our favorite couple is back in this Drabbles Collection! Seto and Joey now discover the simple things in life mean as much, maybe even more, than the more complex stuff. Lots of hilarious Puppyshipping!
1. Morning Breath

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – I never thought I'd do it, but I am. I was…recently inspired to create a Drabbles Collection for Seto and Joey. I hope you like these hilarious One-Shots!

Summary: Joey and Seto, together forever in my book, love each other so much and now are taking a look at the simple things in life.

* * *

**Morning Breath (Rated K+)**

Joey smiled as he rolled over in bed one beautiful Saturday morning. There were a few things that made this morning especially…special!

One, he'd recently become Seto Kaiba's boyfriend. They'd told each other they loved one another not too long ago and it had been one of the happiest moments in his life.

Two, he lived in the Kaiba Mansion with his boyfriend and Mokuba. After discovering that Seto's Puppy was, in fact, abused by his father, Seto had practically knocked down the door to his apartment, made him pack his things, and leave. No more drunken father for him!

Three, he was currently lying in bed, fully clothed in his pajamas, with none other than the brunet CEO. It was too good to be true. Joey wondered if you could die from being too happy.

Soon Seto rolled over as well and they both smiled at each other giddily. Seto leaned forward so their foreheads were barely touching. "Morning, Puppy," he whispered lovingly.

Joey's smile dissipated, a frown marring his features. Much to Seto's confusion, Joey backed away, covering his mouth with his hand.

"What's wrong, Puppy?" Seto asked in confusion, pulling Joey toward him. Joey pushed him away, tumbling out of the bed and onto the floor.

"Ow!" Joey exclaimed, rubbing his backside as he slowly stood from the floor.

"Silly Puppy," Seto mumbled, crawling out of bed to assist Joey. He stepped over to him and successfully pulled him into his arms. And then he tried to plant a kiss on Joey lips.

But Joey kept ducking and dodging his attempts.

Growing frustrated, Seto growled, "Why won't you let me kiss you!?"

Joey backed away, afraid Seto would hit him for what he was about to say. "Youhavemorningbreath."

Seto's brows knitted in confusion. "What?"

Joey took a deep breath. "I said…you have morning breath. It kinda…well…stinks," he put bluntly.

Seto's eyebrows shot up into his hair and his eyes widened in shock. A bright blush stained his cheeks as he stood frozen to the spot. This was so embarrassing.

Joey, sensing his boyfriend's discomfort, took his hand and led him into the bathroom. Grabbing the CEO's toothbrush, he squeezed some toothpaste onto it. He looked up at Seto, leaned forward, sniffed, and squeezed out some more toothpaste. Hm…maybe he should have Seto brush his teeth twice.

"Give me that!" Seto snapped, snatching the toothbrush out of Joey's hand. He started brushing his teeth furiously right away. As Joey watched him, he realized that maybe that was enough toothpaste. His boyfriend was starting to look like a rabid dog, especially with that crazed look in his eye.

But, to be on the safe side, Joey also grabbed the mouthwash and a cup. He poured some and looked at Seto again.

Then he poured some more. Seto saw.

"You jush wai' Puppy," Seto warned through a mouthful of toothpaste.

Joey 'eeped' and ran from the bathroom. He guessed that Seto was going to thoroughly show him how clean his mouth was and how fresh his breath was. And soon!

In the most intimate way possible!

* * *

**Author's Note – I thought of this one when I woke up this morning. **

**I thought the whole idea would be funny!**


	2. Clutter

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – Ooh! I absolutely love this one! I hope you do too!

* * *

**Clutter (Rated M)**

Seto's study was off limits. There were no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Although, _if_ a certain Puppy just wanted to spend time with his boyfriend, _and_ said boyfriend was locked away working in his study for hours on end, _but _said boyfriend didn't want to be disturbed for any reason at all, a certain Puppy now felt Seto's study was no longer _off limits_.

However, Joey was not particularly sure if he wanted to enter his boyfriend's study. No one was allowed to enter. Not even the maids! But still, desperate times called for desperate measures. And this was a desperate measure! Joey hadn't seen Seto for two whole days!

_Aw, what the hell_, Joey said to himself as he placed his hand on the brass doorknob. It was cold to the touch. Twisting it as gently as he could, he peeked inside the room through the tiny sliver of space he revealed. Seto sat at his desk, mounds of papers covering his desk and the floor. How on earth could he work in this mess!?

Joey tried to open the door as quietly as he could, but the door seemed to disagree. It screeched and groaned like the front door of some haunted manor. He cringed at the sound while he waited for Seto to erupt. Nothing. Nimble fingers still fluttered over the keys of Seto's laptop.

Cautiously, Joey stepped into the room and quickly shut the door behind him. It made a resounding bang, causing him to wince. Seto was still oblivious to his presence.

He cleared his throat. "Um…Seto?"

No response.

"Seto? Don't you think you should take a break? You've been in here for two days. I'm worried about you," he said as sweetly as possible.

Seto continued typing.

Growing frustrated, Joey came up with a plan to get his boyfriend's attention. Smirking inwardly, he put his plan into motion. _Let's see if he'll respond to this!_

"S-Seto," said Joey, as if frightened, "m-my dad's back!"

Seto remained unaware.

Joey narrowed his eyes. "H-He p-put me on the black market—"

Not even an eye twitch.

"—and sold me as a sex slave—"

No reaction.

"—to the highest bidder!"

Not even a glance.

"It's Pegasus!"

Absolutely nothing!

Joey growled in irritation at his boyfriend's lack of response. What did he have to do!? Parade around his study naked!?

"Seto!" Joey reprimanded. "I'm talking to you!" he yelled as he furiously approached Seto's desk. And what a mistake that was.

In the process of going after his boyfriend, he tripped over the damn table leg and went flying across the room and into Seto's desk; promptly knocking anything and everything in his path, including the mounds of papers littered everywhere.

The mounds of papers were no longer mounds of papers. Instead…they covered every available surface of Seto Kaiba's study; it looked like a hurricane hit or something. As you can probably guess, that did get Seto's attention.

His head snapped up and he glared daggers at his Puppy. Joey gulped.

"You want me to take a break? Fine. I'll take a break. In the meantime, you'll be cleaning this room from top…to bottom," he said menacingly. "And I'm going to make sure you do it."

Joey didn't know how to react when Seto suddenly got a mischievous glint in his eye. It unnerved him—a lot!

* * *

Seto sat on a chair with his feet propped up on a table as he watched his Puppy cleaning underneath his desk. And he was thoroughly enjoying the view.

He'd dressed his Puppy in a French Maid outfit, complete with fishnet stockings and heels. Furthermore, his Puppy was on his hands and knees, his rear end facing the CEO as he cleaned beneath the desk.

Seto saw a brief flash of panty when Joey leaned further under the desk.

"You really have to get in there, Puppy. It's a tight spot," Seto smirked.

Joey mumbled a curse and went further in. And then he yelped. "Seto!? Seto! I think I'm stuck! Seto! Help me!" he pleaded frantically as he wriggled this way and that in a very enticing way to the CEO.

Seto rose from his seat and sauntered toward his Puppy, letting his hands roam around Joey's rear before smacking him on the ass.

"Ah! Seto! P-Please help me out!" Joey whimpered. The whole situation was embarrassing and now his boyfriend had a great view of what he claimed was _his_.

And easy access, in Seto's mind. "Oh, but Puppy. I think I like this whole taking a break idea; especially since I can play with my Puppy so easily this way," he said, sliding the panties Joey wore down his thighs.

Joey gasped when he felt a hot, wet muscle lick around his entrance. He tried to scoot forward, but he could move. He was trapped and completely at Seto's mercy.

"I like you this way, Puppy. Now I can tease you without your hands getting in the way," he chuckled before thrusting his tongue into his Puppy.

"Mn! S-Setooo!"

* * *

**Author's Note – What a way to torture an innocent Puppy, huh?**

**Did you like it?**


	3. Picking Flowers

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – I will try to update my other fics as soon as I can. The next week is the week of hell because college is currently hell. So forgive me for the lack of updating.

Look for more updates within the next week or so.

* * *

**Picking Flower (Rated T)**

"This is so stupid," Seto mumbled under his breath. He was currently on his hands and knees, searching through the flora in the backyard of the Kaiba Mansion. "What the hell am I supposed to be looking for anyway?"

Mokuba slapped his forehead and sighed in aggravation. "Seto! He's your boyfriend, not mine!"

Picking flowers! Whose stupid idea was this, anyway? Oh, yeah…that's right…it was his. When Seto discovered that his Puppy despised expensive gifts and preferred the more…thoughtful kind, he's opted to pick flowers for his Puppy.

But there was only one little problem with that: he didn't know what the hell he was looking for!

Seto growled as he eyed a green…something.

"Seto? I think that's a weed," Mokuba said.

"But it has a flower," Seto argued.

Mokuba's eye twitched. "Just because it has a flower doesn't mean it's not a weed. Gaah! I can't believe I'm actually arguing with you about plants! PLANTS! Just pick some stupid flowers, give them to Joey, and let me get on with my life! Plants! Plants! I hate plants!"

Seto watched as his little brother romped back into the mansion going on about his newly found dislike for all plant life. Well, it looked like he was on his own. His eyes glanced over the yard once more. He sighed. This was going to take forever.

* * *

"Yes!" Seto proclaimed, holding up his – questionable – bouquet like a trophy. "Finally, finally I can show my Puppy – WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT!?" he screamed at the gardener, who'd stopped pruning to stare wide-eyed and open-mouthed at Seto.

The gardener just shrugged his shoulders as he recovered himself and went back to pruning.

Glaring daggers at the man, Seto made his way back to the mansion so that he could find his Puppy, only to be intercepted by one of his maids.

"Ah!" Seto gasped as he shoved his bouquet into the confines of his trench coat. He couldn't have his employees see him being all sappy and whatnot.

"Mr. Kaiba, sir, dinner will be ready in an hour," said the maid.

Seto just nodded and nearly ran past her.

* * *

"It's about time," Seto muttered breathlessly. It took him fifteen minutes – fifteen minutes – to get upstairs. Maids just kept popping up out of nowhere. What the hell were they!? Ninjas!?

Making for his bedroom door, he opened it and peeked inside. "Puppy?"

"Yeah, Seto?" Joey answered. He stepped out of the bathroom in fresh clothes, toweling his hair dry. "I just finished taking a shower. Go ahead and clean up before dinner."

"Um," Seto began, "here."

Joey almost sprang back when he felt something thrust into his hands from his boyfriend's trench coat. He looked at the bundle in his hands and felt tears spring to his eyes when he realized what it was.

Oh, God! Was his Puppy crying!? His gift wasn't that bad…was it? Seto started growing anxious. "Puppy, I can expl—"

"They're beautiful!" Joey exclaimed, interrupting him. "Thank you, Seto." He leaned up and placed a light kiss on Seto's lips. "I'll be right back. I'm going to put these in a vase."

Seto just stood there in shock. He'd just given his Puppy a crumpled bouquet that looked half dead…and he loved it!? Well, hell! If he'd known these little sappy things made his Puppy happy, he'd have done them a lot sooner. _I wonder if he'd like it if I wrote him a poem or something_, Seto thought to himself, a serious look crossing his features.

Joey noticed. It looked like his Dragon was learning; he was finally grasping the art of romance.

* * *

**Author's Note – How sweet. See!? Seto can be romantic!**

**I admit, he needs a bit more practice, but he's getting better at it.**


	4. Fend for Yourself Night

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – Yeah! Another little drabble! Joey feels as if Seto doesn't appreciate all the little things he does? What will Seto think of that?

* * *

**Fend for Yourself Night (Rated T)**

Seto was exhausted. He'd been up since four that morning because he had an emergency to attend to at work. Several meetings and a few disasters later, he was finally home. It was six in the evening, so he was just in time for dinner. And boy was he ready for one of his Puppy's delicious home-cooked meals. His mouth salivated at the thought.

Entering the mansion, he hung up his trench coat and placed his briefcase on the floor…and just stood there in confusion. No scrumptious aromas wafted from the kitchen, no sizzling sounds of something delectable could be heard, no clanking of pots and pans, something was wrong.

Concerned, Seto walked toward the kitchen and peeped inside. No one was there. It didn't even look as if anyone had cooked at all. The kitchen appeared spotless.

Leaving the kitchen, Seto called out for Joey. "Hey, Pup? Where are you?"

"Here," a voice snapped from the living room.

Taken aback by his Puppy's harsh tone, Seto slowly made his way to the living room. Curled up on the couch and covered in a thick blanket lay his Puppy, reading a magazine.

"Hey," Seto said timidly. Was it just him or did Joey look mad?

"Hey, yourself," Joey spat indignantly.

Okay, Joey didn't look mad. He _was_ mad. But why?

"Are you…all right?" Seto questioned as he sat on the floor in front of his Puppy.

"What do you think?" Joey answered in the same tone as before.

Seto sighed. "Did I do something to upset you?"

"Ding ding! We have a winner! Wow, you really are a genius, aren't you?" Joey snarled sarcastically.

Seto cringed. What had he done to deserve this? "Um…this may be a strange question, but…what did I do exactly?"

"It's not what you _did_ do; it's what you _didn't _do. Or rather, what you've _never_ done."

What he'd never done? What was that supposed to mean? "And that would be—"

"You never compliment me on my cooking; you don't thank me for preparing dinner for you. I go out of my way to make sure you have a decent meal, and you just come in and eat without saying a word. Well, not anymore! It's fend for yourself night, mister, so you can go eat out of the damn trash for all I care!"

Joey put down his magazine and threw off his blanket. As he tried to get up from the couch, Seto pushed him back down.

"Wait," Seto said firmly. Joey crossed his arms and averted his eyes. "I'm…I'm sorry. I didn't know small things like that meant so much to you."

"It's not a small thing," Joey said quietly. "It means as much to me as 'I love you.' Do you understand that?"

Seto smiled warmly at him. "I think I do. Is it like how you wear blue because it's my favorite color and matches my eyes? Is it like how you wash your hair with strawberry shampoo because I love the smell? Is it like—"

"Yes," Joey interrupted. He was now blushing furiously. Had Seto really noticed all those little things? "It's exactly like that."

Seto inwardly smirked. He'd actually gotten his Puppy to admit that. But now he had something a little more important to settle. Resting his forehead against his Puppy's, he whispered, "I really am sorry about that, Puppy. It never occurred to me to say anything, and that's the truth. But I will from now on. And if you don't want to cook all the time, it's all right. I understand. There is one thing I'd like to say though."

"Oh, yeah? And what's that?"

"I almost love your cooking as much as I love you," Seto answered, nuzzling Joey's neck as he proceeded to give him a nice hickey.

Joey giggled. "You can sweet talk me all you want, but I'm still not making you dinner. Go fend for yourself; order take-out or something."

Then Seto said something that floored him to the spot.

"Don't worry. I'll make us something to eat," Seto replied, getting up and making his way toward the kitchen.

Suddenly, panic seized Joey. Seto…cook!? Like hell! He'd blow up the mansion in seconds.

"Seto! Seto wait!" exclaimed Joey as he hurried after his lover into the kitchen.

* * *

**Author's Note – I'll have you know that Fend for Yourself Night is an actual thing that occurs amongst some families. **

**This is when the person who usually cooks the meals (typically the mother) doesn't feel like making dinner, so you get to make whatever it is you want to eat; therefore, you fend for yourself that night.**

**The following day, because the person who usually cooks the meals (typically the mother), sees what kinds of gross concoctions you've come up with, he/she resumes making dinner.**

**I say this because my little brother once took two waffles and added the following to make a sandwich: ham, nutella, cream cheese, American cheese, sprouts, and maple syrup.**

**He's also made chocolate tuna mac, meaning he made macaroni and cheese with tuna and chocolate syrup. I've often told my brother to write a cookbook for pregnant women because those concoctions sound like some sort of abnormal cravings they would have.**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this drabble. And who knows, maybe you got some interesting recipe ideas from it. LOL! **


	5. IM Me

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – Instant messaging is always fun…isn't it?

Puppy_Lover is Seto and Dragon_Tamer is Joey.

* * *

**IM Me (Rated M)**

Dragon_Tamer: When are you coming home tonight?

Puppy_Lover: Late. I'm sorry that I won't be home in time for dinner.

Dragon_Tamer: …that's okay…how late will you be?

Puppy_Lover: You'll probably be in bed by the time I get home.

Dragon_Tamer: Okay. (;_;)

Puppy_Lover: I'll try to be home as soon as I can though.

Dragon_Tamer: I really hope so, because I have a nice gift for you when you get here.

Puppy_Lover: Oh? What's that? (.)

Dragon_Tamer: Well…it's gonna start off with me…

Puppy_Lover: …and?

Dragon_Tamer: Me on your bed that is.

Puppy_Lover: I'm liking the sound of this already.

Dragon_Tamer: Oh, but that's not all. (^_~)

Puppy_Lover: Would you care to enlighten me?

Dragon_Tamer: I could…but don't you have work to do.

Puppy_Lover: It can wait for a few minutes.

Dragon_Tamer: All right then.

Puppy_Lover: Go on.

Dragon_Tamer: Oh yeah! Me lying on your bed looking something like this – (*^^*)

Puppy_Lover: So the Pup is shy is he?

Dragon_Tamer: Maybe. But then you come into your room and see me sprawled your bed.

Puppy_Lover: I like the sound of that. What else?

Dragon_Tamer: Did I mention I wasn't wearing anything?

Puppy_Lover: (*_*)

Dragon_Tamer: Heh! I thought you might like that. Did you want me to continue?

Puppy_Lover: YES!

Dragon_Tamer: Well, you come in and I start bucking my hips and moan softly.

Puppy_Lover: Are you touching yourself?

Dragon_Tamer: Oh, yes! In the spot you love to touch so much, but it's too _hard _without you.

Puppy_Lover: (o.O)

Dragon_Tamer: You come closer…and my panting gets harsher.

Puppy_Lover: Oh God, Puppy. You're gonna make me come.

Dragon_Tamer: My thrusting becomes more frantic as I try to find that spot only you can find.

Puppy_Lover: Stop it, Puppy!

Dragon_Tamer: I'm almost there!

Puppy_Lover: Stop!

Dragon_Tamer: Just a little more!

Puppy_Lover: STOP!

Dragon_Tamer: Uhn! Ah! Mn…Seto!

Puppy_Lover: THAT'S IT! I'M COMING HOME!

Dragon_Tamer: But I thought you had work to do?

Puppy_Lover: (-_-;) With what you've just put me through, that'll be impossible.

Dragon_Tamer: And just what did I do exactly?

Puppy_Lover: You'll see when I get home. (^o^)

Dragon_Tamer: I can't wait.

Puppy_Lover: (Signed Off)

Dragon_Tamer: v(^_^)v

* * *

**Author's Note – I hope you enjoyed this one. I thought it's be entertaining.**


	6. Cheating

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – Joey accuses Seto of cheating on him, leaving a very confused Dragon. What will happen next?

* * *

**Cheating (Rated T)**

"Hi, Seto!" Joey exclaimed excitedly as he pounced on his boyfriend. Seto had just gotten off work and it was a little late.

"Hey, Puppy," laughed Seto. "Have you been waiting all this time?"

"Yes," Joey said dramatically. "I've been waiting for you for _so_ long."

Seto raised his eyebrow. "Oh, really? Does that mean you missed me?"

"Of course I missed you!" Joey snapped. "You've been at the office for two whole days! How could I not miss you!?"

Seto chuckled and wrapped his arms around Joey's waist, bringing him closer. "I have such a devoted Puppy, don't I?"

Said Puppy growled.

"Your growling isn't going to deter me from insinuating that you are my Puppy."

Joey hmphed and put his arms around Seto's neck, looking up at him adorably. "I really did miss you, Seto."

"How much?" Seto asked huskily as he leaned closer toward his Puppy's face.

"This much," Joey answered before placing his hot lips on Seto's equally eager ones.

Two days they hadn't kissed and it felt like heaven. Seto, not wasting any time, nipped and sucked at Joey's bottom lip until he gasped, allowing Seto to penetrate his awaiting mouth. Soon Seto's tongue mapped out every crevice in his Puppy's sweet mouth, leaving no area untouched by him. Just as quickly as the kiss had begun, they quickly engaged themselves in a fierce tongue battle.

Joey's mind was in overdrive. Two days was far too long a wait to do this. And this just felt so right…so good…so—something wasn't right.

Seto's mind snapped out of his wonderful bliss when he felt his Puppy suddenly pull away and push himself away from him.

"Puppy, what—"

"Cheater!" Joey screamed at him.

"Huh?"

"You're cheating on me!" accused Joey.

"What are you talking about!? I haven't been cheating on you!"

"Yes you have!"

"Just because I've been away at work for two days doesn't mean I've been cheating on you, Joey. I love you too much to hurt you for some stupid reason like that."

"But you _are_ cheating on me!" Joey yelled, pointing a finger at him, looking absolutely furious.

"No I'm—"

"Liar!"

"Puppy, I'm not—"

"Yes you are! I can taste it!"

Seto was confused…bewildered…mystified…befuddled…puzzled…baffled…perplexed…be—you get the idea.

_Taste it? Taste what? What the hell is he talking about? _Seto thought hysterically. It wasn't like his Puppy to make outrageous accusations, and right now his Puppy looked like he was capable of doing just about anything.

"I…I don't know what you mean, Puppy."

"I can taste it! After we kissed! I can taste it! You're cheating on me!"

"Joey, I assure you that I have never once had an affair—"

"Affair? Who said anything about an affair?" Joey asked, confusion now crossing his features.

Seto concluded that his Puppy was a bit more outrageous than he'd previously anticipated. Considering the situation with utmost care, he said softly, "So…you're _not_ accusing me of seeing someone else?"

Joey put his hands on his hips and looked at Seto as if he'd grown two heads. "Why would I accuse you of seeing someone else?"

At this, Seto just about lost his temper. "Oh, I don't know! Maybe it had something to do with me kissing my boyfriend and then his pushing me away, screaming that I'd cheated on him!"

Joey narrowed his eyes. "Not with a person, you idiot!" he retorted as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Then what the fuck are you talking about!?" roared Seto angrily.

"You had coffee. You promised me that you'd stop drinking the stuff. All that caffeine can't possibly be good for you."

Seto's eye twitched. _This_ was what it was all about. His Puppy had tasted the coffee during their kiss…and accused him of cheating on him!?

"You expect me to work two whole days without an ounce of coffee!?" Seto's face turned red from his apparent anger.

"I'm not the one who cheated," Joey huffed as he turned his back to Seto and started walking away.

"For the last time, I did not fucking cheat on you! It was a damn pint of mocha ice cream for crying out loud!"

Joey froze. "Oh," he said quietly.

And then he started to run.

"Puppy, get back here! I'm not done with you yet!"

* * *

**Author's Note – So…if you ever plan on accusing someone of something, make sure you're clear as to what you're accusing them of.**

**LOL! I hope you liked this one!**


	7. Poetry

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – Seto can write poetry. That's all I'm gonna say!

* * *

**Poetry (Rated M)**

Joey was furious as he walked into the Game Shop, a crumpled up piece of paper in his hand. How could Seto be so—so—so—GAAH!

"Um…are you okay, Joey? Your face is really red. Are you getting sick or something?" asked a concerned Yugi, who was currently managing the front of the store.

Yugi's only answer was a piece of paper being thrust into his face as a raging Joey shook it in front of him. He took it carefully. "What is it, Joey?"

"It's from Seto! Read it!" he demanded angrily.

"O-Okay," said Yugi and he started to read off the paper he held. His face grew paler and paler the more he read. He cleared his throat after he was finished. "Are…Are you sure he wrote this?"

"Am I sure!? AM I SURE!? Of course I'm sure! Can you believe the nerve of him!?"

"Well…it's not that bad," Yugi replied meekly, trying to calm down his best friend.

"NOT THAT BAD!? Did you even read it!?"

"I read it!" Yugi answered quickly, a blush staining his cheeks.

Joey was about ready to pull his hair out. All he'd asked was for Seto to do something thoughtful. Like walking in the park, strolling along the beach, stargazing, picking flowers, writing poetry—that's where everything had gone wrong. He wished he'd never even mentioned the idea to his boyfriend.

But there was nothing he could do about it now. Taking the poem away from Yugi, he read it over to see if he'd overreacted.

* * *

_Some may say that our love_

_Is as unreasonable as_

_Making out in public._

_Between us, however,_

_It's as thriving as_

_Our overactive libidos._

_You either come hard_

_Or it just scream in completion._

_Romance can be difficult_

_When both of us are_

_Ravenous for physical pleasure._

_Sad though it may be_

_Fucking you does appear_

_More satisfying._

_It's not fact; it's truth._

_Sometimes._

_Thrusting into you_

_Over and over_

_Hasn't helped me_

_Find a solution for_

_Why I love you._

_I do, Puppy._

_I can say one thing:_

_You are hot._

_I can only go so far_

_Before I rip off your clothes_

_Toss you onto the bed_

_And nip and suck every inch of you._

_And when I'm done there,_

_You find yourself wallowing,_

_Trapped beneath me_

_And my gratifying fingers._

_Nevertheless,_

_Every so often,_

_You push yourself down on me._

_Impaling yourself through the _

_Entrance of our pleasure._

_There is nothing more erotic._

_Whether you choose to_

_Buck or not is your decision alone._

_But if you do,_

_I pant, you moan_

_You whimper, I groan._

_Taking you over and over._

_And when you reach your climax,_

_You scream my name._

_You come all over us_

_And that is most precious to me._

_I collapse._

_We breathe hard_

_As we should._

_Love, romance,_

_Even making love,_

_Is a part of our whole._

_I'm waiting for you always_

_So I can love you once more._

_

* * *

  
_

No. It was still vulgar. Joey didn't even know Seto could write something like this! What on earth was he thinking!? Was he even thinking at all!? Did someone slip something into his fucking coffee or what!?

The sound of the door opening behind him drew him from his thoughts. He turned to see who it was…and gaped.

Seto stood before him with a devilish smirk on his face. "I take it you got my poem?" he inquired.

Joey gaped like a fish for a few minutes before he responded. "Yes, you fucking jerk! How could you write something like that!?" Joey demanded.

"But Puppy, it's all true," Seto claimed with mock innocence. He knew he was teasing his Puppy badly, if his reddening face was any indication.

"Seto!"

"Puppy—"

"Forget what I said about writing me poetry!" Joey screamed, growing quite hysterical. "I never want you to write poetry again; especially for me!"

Seto smirked. He didn't think his poem would get his Puppy _this_ riled up. Perhaps he could use it to his advantage. "I'm sorry, Pup. Would you like me to take you to dinner as an apology?"

Joey calmed immediately at the thought. Well…having dinner was safe. "Okay. But no more poetry," he warned.

"Sure thing."

"Where are we going for dinner anyway?" Joey asked cutely.

"The park. We're going to have a nice, romantic picnic in the park." Joey beamed with enthusiasm. "That way I can serenade you with some love songs I've written for you. Don't worry, Puppy. They're nothing _too_ graphic," Seto replied with a flirtatious wink.

Joey gasped. "Oh, hell no!" he screamed as he tried to run away. Seto caught him, lifted him up, and threw him over his shoulder. Joey struggled to get free. "Put me down you perverted freak of nature!"

"Bye Yugi," said Seto. "We'll see you again some other time."

Yugi watched as Joey and Seto left the shop in one of the weirdest ways possible. Well…that was weird. He wondered what would happen if he asked Yami to write _him_ some poetry.

There was only one way to find out.

"Yami!"

* * *

**Author's Note – I love poetry…don't you?**

**You're able to express yourself in poetry in ways you aren't quite able to out loud.**

***Sigh. Who knew Seto had it in him, huh?**


	8. Cuddling

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – Seto wants to learn something new.

* * *

**Cuddling (Rated T)**

_That's it. I'm going to ask him_, Seto thought to himself as he walked up to his bedroom door. Turning quickly on his heels, he headed back down the hallway. _No I'm not._

He'd been doing this for about a half an hour now. It wasn't that he was afraid…okay, so maybe he was just a little bit. But it was just…so embarrassing!

Seto stopped and sighed. Taking a deep breath, he turned and went to his bedroom door. Before he could change his mind, the door suddenly opened, revealing a beautiful blond boy with amber eyes.

"Hey, Seto," Joey said softly, smiling up at him.

Seto felt like a deer caught in a headlight. "Hi," he replied unsurely.

Well, _that _hadn't been the reaction Joey had hoped for. What was wrong with his Dragon, anyway? "Are you okay, Seto?"

"Yeah," came the soft reply.

"Are you gonna give me anything other than one-word answers?"

"No."

Joey bit back a frustrated groan. He hated it when Seto beat around the bush. He knew Seto wanted to ask him something, but for some reason, his Dragon was always afraid to ask.

Reaching out, Joey grabbed Seto's hand and pulled him into their room. As he led him to the bed, Seto planted his feet on the ground and stopped them. "No."

Joey turned and looked at him, confusion evident in his eyes. "No, what?"

Seto glanced up at the ceiling, trying to find the right way to phrase his…question.

"Come on, Seto. Tell me what's wrong," Joey pleaded.

"Nothing's wrong…it's just…"

"Just what?"

"Can…Can you show me how to do something?" Seto asked quickly.

Joey was taken aback. Show Seto how to do something!? What did he know how to do that Seto didn't!? "Um…do you mind telling me what you want me to show you how to do?"

At this point Seto started fiddling with his hands, which only made Joey nervous. "You're gonna think it's stupid," Seto muttered.

That really had Joey going. Never, in all the time he'd known the CEO, did he ever think he'd hear those words. Plus, seeing Seto so insecure was unnerving him.

"Seto, I promise I won't think it's stupid. Now tell me," Joey insisted comfortingly.

"Iwantyoutoteachmehowtocuddle," Seto replied quickly.

"I-I didn't quite catch that."

"I…want you to teach me how to cuddle," Seto repeated, more slowly this time.

"Oh." Joey didn't know what else to say. Cuddle!? Seto wanted him to teach him how to cuddle!?

"I told you it was stupid," Seto grumbled as he headed for the door.

A hand shot out and stopped him. "It's not stupid, Seto. What brought this on all of a sudden?"

Seto sighed deeply. It was now or never. "I don't want our relationship to be just about sex. I feel like the only time I show you how I feel is when we're making love. I want to do something more to show you how much I care for you."

"And you think cuddling is it?" Joey couldn't help but be slightly amused.

Seto started fidgeting again. "Puppy, I don't know how to cuddle! And I just thought that—if just cuddled some—then maybe we could spend some quality time together that didn't revolve around making out or having sex," he explained.

Joey just smiled at him. "Then let me show you," he whispered as he led Seto over to the bed. Pulling down the covers, he slipped under them and beckoned for Seto to do the same.

Once he had, Joey instructed, "Put your arms around me like you do when you're hugging me."

Seto did. When he felt Joey slip his arms around his waist and push him so that his back was on the mattress, Joey rested his head on his shoulder. Seto tightened his grip around is Puppy and leaned his head closer to Joey's.

"See? We're cuddling," Joey said softly as he listened to his Dragon breathe.

"That's it?"

"Yep!" Joey replied, snuggling closer. "But our relationship isn't just built on sex. Part of it is making love, but we're also friends, companions, confidants, and lovers. There is an emotional attachment we have with each other as well as a physical one. And when you say that you love me, I know that you mean it. There's more than one way to show someone you love them."

"Oh," Seto said quietly as he thought for a moment. "But I don't think cuddling is such a good idea now."

Joey's head shot up in shock. "Why!?"

Seto let a dark look cross his face that just spelled trouble. "Because whenever you snuggle closer…you rub against me."

"And?" Joey replied, still not understanding where Seto was coming from."

"And that means…that you're just making me hard…and horny."

Joey yelped and tried to scramble away, but it was too late. He was already trapped beneath the CEO. And in a _bed_ of all places! He was in for the molestation of a lifetime now!

"I guess there are benefits to cuddling," Seto said as he started sucking on his flustered Puppy's neck.

"Ooh! S-Seto! We already did it this morning!" Joey complained with a pleased moan.

"But that was so long ago," Seto teased, breaking away briefly before unbuttoning Joey's shirt.

"Long ago!? It was just two hours ago!?" exclaimed Joey, trying to pry himself out of Seto's grabby grasp.

"I know!" Seto exclaimed mockingly. "Far too long, Puppy."

"Ah! S-Seto! N-No—oh! Mn…uhn!"

* * *

**Author's Note – See! Cuddling can lead to something good!**


	9. Love Notes

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – Good things happen with post-its.

* * *

**Love Notes (Rated K+)**

Seto frowned as he stepped into his hotel room…by himself. He hated oversees business meetings. It meant he was away from his little brother, Mokuba and his dear Puppy, Joey. Business trips were not for him.

Tossing his suitcase onto the bed, he popped it open. He began to rummage through it halfheartedly when something yellow caught his eye. It looked like a piece of paper.

"What the hell is this?" Seto asked himself aloud as he picked up the tiny square piece of paper. It had a familiar scribble on it.

'_I love you, Dragon.' _That's all the note said. But it was enough to bring a smile to his face. He really did have a sweet Puppy.

But wait! There was also something written on the back. Turning the note over, he read, _'There's more. You just have to find them.'_

"What? More notes?" Seto wasn't too sure if talking out loud to himself was a sign of his going crazy, but he figured he would have anyway without having his Puppy along with him.

Soon enough, Seto had dug through his entire suitcase and found quite a few little love notes meant to cheer him up while he was away.

Notes such as _'Don't forget to smile for me,' _and _'I'll be waiting for you' _were some of the ones he enjoyed the most.

Joey had even placed one of his own shirts in his suitcase—when his Puppy had found the time to do that, he didn't know—with a note that said, _'Keep me close when you're feeling lonely.'_

Picking up his Puppy's shirt, he inhaled the scent that reminded him so much of his lover back home.

These notes were just what he needed to get through these next few days, and then he would return to his Puppy's awaiting arms; that's where his real home was.

* * *

**Author's Note – Aww, how cute and fluffy! **

**Was it too sappy? I wanted to do a sweet one for our dear Seto Kaiba.**


	10. Calling

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – What to do when your lover is far away…

* * *

**Calling (Rated M)**

"_I miss you," _Joey's voice said from the other line.

"I miss you, too, Puppy," replied Seto, gripping his phone just a little bit tighter. Business trips were a real drag.

ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY LASTED THREE WEEKS!

"_When do you think you'll be home?"_

"Probably late tomorrow night." Then Seto began to smirk. "How much have you missed me?"

"_What do you mean, Seto?"_

He could just picture his Puppy cocking his head to the side, a confused look on his face. "Have you been…intimate with yourself since I've been gone?"

"_S-Seto! Not on the phone!"_

He could almost hear the blush erupting on his Puppy's face. And then he got an idea. "You want me to tell you what I've been doing to myself instead?"

"_NO!" _It came out as a shriek.

"Then will you tell me what you've been doing?"

"_I'm gonna hang up," _Joey threatened, but Seto knew he wouldn't do that.

"Can you just…remind me of what I've been missing these past three weeks?" He just loved getting his Puppy all riled up.

"_I'll show you what you've been missing, all right. You want me to start?" _Joey growled.

Seto relaxed on his bed. "Go ahead."

"_Well…every night since you've been gone, I've been sleeping in our bed…alone…and naked."_

Seto felt his cock twitch slightly.

"_And when I get too desperate to feel your hot touch, I do things to myself…and imagine it's you."_

Seto swallowed hard. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, but he initiated it, so they might as well continue. "What kinds of things?"

"_I bought myself a vibrator. And while you've been away, I would lay back on our bed, bend my knees slightly with my legs spread apart in the way you like so much."_

"A-And?" Seto choked out. He was harder than he'd ever been before. Tempted to relieve himself as his Puppy talked, he slowly unzipped his pants.

"_And…I slicked my fingers with that strawberry lubricant you love, and then I started adding my fingers inside myself. One by one. Slowly stretching…and thrusting…and stretching…and thrusting…until I was fully prepared for something else."_

Oh, God! He had to do it as his Puppy talked! Pulling out his throbbing manhood, he gradually started stroking himself. "G-Go on," he panted.

"_Then I took the vibrator, but mind you, it's not nearly enough to satisfy me completely…not like you can. But I had to make due. I thrust it inside me, feeling its thickness, and turned it on. I cried out! And started moaning as I thrust in and out…in and out…faster and harder…faster and harder…deeper."_

He was almost there! His Puppy just needed to keep on going. "A-And th-then what?"

"_And then your maid burst into the room," _Joey deadpanned, hanging up the phone.

Seto lay on the bed in shock. He didn't get to finish! He _didn't _get to finish! Damn his Puppy! Damn! How dare he leave him in this unrelieved state!

"Wait…did he say the maid came in?" Seto asked allowed, his hand still wrapped around his hardened member.

That's it! He was firing everyone!

Letting out a roar of frustration, he fled to the bathroom with a long, cold shower in mind…maybe two.

* * *

Joey smirked as he looked at the phone. It was about time he'd gotten to his Dragon like that. This would show him not to tease his Puppy so much.

But suddenly Joey paled as he realized something. He'd just majorly aroused a very horny CEO about a thousand miles away.

AND HE'D JUST LEFT HIM THAT WAY!

Oh, he was in for it when Seto got home. His Dragon probably wouldn't let him leave their bed for weeks.

"I wonder if there is anywhere I can hide when he gets here?"

* * *

**Author's Note – Poor Puppy got himself into trouble with Dragon…again.**

**But it was worth it in the end! **

**^_^**


	11. Favorites

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – I had to squeeze in Mokuba somehow.

* * *

**Favorites (Rated M)**

"You love him more than me, don't you?" Mokuba accused, on the verge of tears. "Joey's your favorite! Isn't he!?"

Seto stood rooted to the floor. Had anyone else seen him at that particular moment, they would have thought this wasn't the real Seto Kaiba. The _real _Seto Kaiba wouldn't just stand there, pale-faced before a twelve-year-old, cowering under that tearful gaze, would he? _Would he!?_

As hard as it was to believe, the all-powerful CEO did just that.

"I don't love him more than you," Seto argued back meekly. He wasn't used to this type of conversation, so he really didn't know what to say. Having an unstable little brother in his presence didn't help much either.

"Yes you do! Don't deny it!" Mokuba yelled, pointing a finger at the stunned brunet.

Seto found himself at a loss for words. "What…What makes you think I love Joey more than you?"

"You spend more time with him than me."

"No I don't," Seto protested.

"Prove it," demanded Mokuba, crossing his arms.

"Well…Sundays I spend the evenings with the both of you until it's time for bed since I work all day. Monday and Wednesday afternoons and evenings are spent with you since Joey sees his friends those days, Tuesday and Thursday afternoons and evenings are spent with Joey seeing as how you have soccer practice and study at a friend's house, Fridays I go out with Joey, and Saturday I spend the day with you."

Seto patiently waited for Mokuba's response. He felt he managed his time impeccably so that he could spend equal amounts of time with the both of them.

"You _still _spend more time with Joey," Mokuba insisted.

Seto lost what little patience he had left. "Why do you still think I spend more time with him!?"

"He gets you every night!" exclaimed Mokuba, pointing his finger accusingly at Seto again. "See!? You _still _spend more time with him than me!"

Seto gulped. Having Mokuba voice that he spent nights with his Puppy was not a conversation he wanted to get into.

Sighing in defeat, Seto asked, "Then how would you suggest I spend more time with you?"

Mokuba seemed to think for a moment. "Take Saturdays and Sundays off from work. _That _should make up for it."

Takes Saturdays _and _Sundays off!? But he had a company to run! Seto was just about to say this when Joey suddenly burst into his home office, looking quite…upset!?

"You love him more than me, don't you!?" Joey screamed. "Mokuba's your favorite! Isn't he!?"

Seto felt his knees buckle under the force of both their glares. Hadn't he just gone through this same exact thing with Mokuba!? What was going on? Was there something in the air? What?

"Let me guess," Seto started anxiously, "you think I spend more time with Mokuba than you."

Joey nodded his head vigorously.

"Mokuba has already pointed out to me that I actually spend more time with you than him."

"No I don't!" Joey snapped.

"Yes you do!" Mokuba blurted. "You spend every night with him!"

"To sleep!"

"Yeah, right! I'm not a little kid anymore! I know what two healthy teenage boys are capable of in a bedroom!"

Seto wanted the floor to swallow him whole.

"You think we have sex every night!?"

"What else!?"

Getting kidnapped sounded pretty good right about now, too.

"If you think that goes on _every _night, you are sorely mistaken!"

"What? Can't keep it up?"

Had his little brother really said that!?

"Ha! I'm not the problem in _that _department!"

"Oh really? So are you accusing my brother of being the problem?"

Why couldn't someone shoot him?

"If he weren't so damned fucking tired when he got home from work, he wouldn't be!"

"Then get him those pills or something!"

Or them. Someone should definitely shoot them.

"Oh! So you want him to overly exert himself so that he's too exhausted to play with you the next day!?"

"No! I didn't mean that!"

Would these two ever stop?

"Then what _did _you mean!? Because it seems to me that he cares more about his fucking company than he does us!" Joey yelled at the top of his lungs.

Mokuba's eyes widened. "I…guess it does."

Silence. Seto could hear the ringing in his ears from the deafening silence. And suddenly, both Mokuba and Joey rounded on him.

"You love your company more than us!" they shouted at him simultaneously. "It's your favorite! Isn't it!?"

Seto finally collapsed in a chair looking deathly white. "What do I have to do to prove that I love you both equally? In different ways, yes, but I love both of you just as much," he said quietly, his voice just above a whisper.

Mokuba and Joey walked up to him and knelt before Seto, gazing up at him thoughtfully.

"You're working yourself to death, Seto," Mokuba stated bluntly.

"No I'm—"

"Yes you are!" Joey interrupted. "Or do I have to go through your schedule!? Sundays you work from five in the morning to six in the evening; Mondays through Thursdays you work from four in the morning to seven in the morning, then go to school from then until three, then work until eight at night; Fridays you work from five in the morning to seven in the morning, then go to school from then until three, then work until six in the evening; and Saturdays you work from twelve in the afternoon to ten at night. That not counting those times when you get up in the middle of the night to fix some stupid little problem your employees could do, or when you leave school to go to Kaiba Corp to do the same thing. Now, tell me where I'm wrong! I dare you!"

Seto felt like control was slipping from his grasp. His company needed him, his brother needed him, and his Puppy needed him! But…neither three would have him if he worked himself to death.

"Then…what do you suggest I do?" How come he'd never noticed how tired he was before?

"You probably won't like this much, but it's because we love you that we're even suggesting it," started Mokuba.

"Yeah. So no more early days. Sundays you'll work from nine in the morning until five in the afternoon," added Joey.

"Mondays through Fridays you will get up early enough just to go to school. After school, you can work until six in the evenings. And you will have Saturdays off. Completely. If there is anything you feel you need to finish up, you will be permitted only _one _hour a day to work on that at home," finished Mokuba.

It…sounded reasonable. Seto had to admit that going to school full time, plus working full time, plus spending as much time as he could both with Mokuba and Joey was tiresome. This schedule cut his working hours to a bit more than twenty a week. He was the CEO, the boss! He shouldn't be the one fixing _all _the little kinks out of every little problem that arose. That what he'd hired people to do! Why hadn't he realized that before!?

"Fine. I'll do that. Just let me call my secretary and change up my work schedule. And then I'll…I'll relax. We can watch a movie or something…okay?" Seto waited expectantly for their answer.

When they smiled at him, Seto felt relieved. He'd made them happy, but more importantly, he'd made himself happy. Even though he might want to, he couldn't do everything.

"Okay, Seto! We'll meet you down in the living room!" cried Mokuba excitedly as he raced out the door.

"Yeah, we'll see you downstairs. Go make your call," said Joey, kissing him on the forehead before stepping out of Seto's home office. He shut the door behind him with a soft _click_.

"We did it!" Mokuba hissed triumphantly.

"I know! I didn't think he would _ever _agree to that," Joey replied in the same manner as they headed down the stairs.

"That was some really good acting you did back there," commented Mokuba.

"You, too. I'm just glad our plan worked."

"Yeah. But it's for Seto's own good."

Joey put his arm around Mokuba's shoulders and gave him a quick hug. "And we did it because we care about him. Let's just hope he doesn't find out we tricked him." They both laughed at that and went to pick out a movie.

They'd do anything for Seto, especially if it meant keeping him healthy and happy.

* * *

**Author's Note – Was this too sentimental? Give me your thoughts!**


	12. Renting a Movie

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – Seto in public places! Scary!

* * *

**Renting a Movie (Rated T)**

"Why the fuck are we here?" Seto might as well just get straight to the point. He eyes the stacks of DVDs before him ominously before turning to face his Puppy.

"We," Joey started as he picked up a DVD case and started scanning over the back, "are going to rent a movie, get some snacks, get comfy at home, watch the movie together and eat."

Seto frowned at the DVD Joey held in his hand. "I still don't understand why you had to drag me along to some reject movie rental place. We have plenty of movies at home. And if there's a new movie you want to see, all you have to do is ask and we'll buy it."

"But I want to _rent_ a movie," Joey whined pitifully.

"May I ask why?" Seto responded, raising an eyebrow.

"So that we can at least pretend we have a normal relationship for once," Joey mumbled under his breath, putting the DVD back on the shelf.

"Is…there something wrong with how we go about our relationship?" Seto asked, confusion etched on his face.

Joey stared at the shelf for a full minute before answering. "No…it's just that I want to do some simple things with you. I know you can buy me whatever the hell I want whenever I want it, but I'm still a bit uncomfortable with that. And besides, it might be fun seeing you running around home looking for the movie when it's due," he said with a small smile.

"Fine," Seto growled. "Go pick out a movie."

Joey squealed and latched onto Seto. "Thank you! Oh! And don't forget to pick out a movie, too!" he exclaimed as he ran off through the store in search of a movie.

Seto groaned as he wandered through the different movie genres in the store. How the hell was he supposed to pick out a movie? He didn't even watch movies that often. He didn't even know what kinds of movies he was interested in.

But soon one particular genre caught his eye. Horror. Now that was something he could use to his advantage. He knew his Puppy freaked out with scary movies, and this might be just what he needed in order to entice Joey into being comforted by him. Besides, this was one genre he didn't allow at home because Mokuba was too young to watch most of these movies.

Searching through the horror section, he spotted a series of movies he'd never seen before. They were rated R, too. Perfect. Perhaps renting a movie wasn't so bad after all. Grabbing the first _Saw _movie, he headed to the checkout aisle where his Puppy was waiting for him.

"You find one?" Joey asked eagerly.

Seto nodded, a smile on his face.

"What is it?" Joey tried to take a peek at the movie Seto held.

"It's a surprise."

* * *

Seto sat on the couch while he watched Joey set up a large number of snacks on the coffee table in front of them. But Seto couldn't help but feel impatient.

"Aren't you done yet?"

"No. I still need to get the popcorn," said Joey as he turned to go back into the kitchen.

A few minutes later, Seto started to smell smoke…and then the fire alarm went off.

Bolting from the couch, Seto ran to the kitchen, which was now filled with smoke.

"Puppy?" Seto called desperately.

"It's okay, Seto. I'm fine. I just burned the popcorn," Joey coughed in response.

Seto waved his hand to dissipate the smoke so that he could see his Puppy…and the smoldering bag of popcorn. "You didn't burn it. You incinerated it!" he snapped as he tossed the bag into the sink and turned the water on. "How long did you have it in for!?"

"It said to put it in for five minutes," answered Joey.

"Popcorn does not take five minutes. Are you sure you read it right?"

"Of course I'm sure! It says so on the box! See!? It says—oh…" Joey turned bright red as he reread the directions. "Heh…my bad. It says two to three. Maybe we'll just skip the popcorn this time."

Seto turned off the faucet, grabbed his Puppy by the hand and led him back to the living room. "Go put your movie in, Pup."

"Okay," replied Joey as he scampered off to put the movie in.

"What are we watching anyway?"

Joey blushed as he went to cuddle up next to Seto. "You'll see."

After the previews were over, Seto's jaw dropped in astonishment. "G-Force!? You expect me to watch a stupid children's movie with guinea pigs!?"

Joey elbowed him in the side. "Shut up. I want to watch it. We'll be watching your movie next anyway."

Seto couldn't argue with that. So they sat and watched.

* * *

About an hour and a half later, Seto held a tearful Puppy in his arms. He hadn't known that Joey was that sensitive when it came to animals, especially when everyone thought the fat guinea pig in the movie had died. Joey had actually cried.

But Seto had to admit that the movie was fairly good. It definitely gave him some new ideas for equipment to produce at Kaiba Corp, that's for sure.

When the credits started up, Seto got up from the couch and put _his _movie in.

As he sat back down on the couch, Joey snuggled up to him. "What are we watching?" he asked.

"You'll see," Seto replied with a smirk.

When the opening credits started, Joey shot up from the couch. "A horror!?" he shrieked.

Seto yanked him back down…and moved him into his lap. "Yes, a horror. _Saw_, to be exact."

Joey paled as he eyed the television despairingly. He whimpered. "You know I hate scary movies," he said as he buried his face into Seto's chest.

"Don't worry. I'll be here the whole time. If you get scared, just do what you're doing right now."

Joey's head snapped up and he glared at him. "You pervert! You just rented this movie so you could grope me!" Joey exclaimed accusingly.

Seto was saved from answering when the movie started. "Quiet, Pup. It's starting."

Joey whimpered.

* * *

By the time the movie was over, Joey was shaking uncontrollably. He latched onto Seto as if his life depended on it.

"I hate you," Joey whined. "I'm never gonna be able to fall asleep tonight."

Seto smirked. All was going according to plan. "I don't know, Puppy. I have an idea or two that might put you to sleep…after we get upstairs, that is," he hinted suggestively.

Seto expected Joey to protest or call him a bastard or something, but he didn't. Instead, Joey straddled his lap and started kissing him.

"I'm only ignoring the fact that you set me up because I'm too fucking freaked out right now. So this better be some damned fucking good sex if you expect me to fall asleep tonight. If not, I'm going to kill you," Joey threatened.

Seto was both excited and shocked by his Puppy's behavior. But who was he to complain!? "Don't worry, Pup. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to fuck you senseless. And if I don't accomplish that, well…then we'll just do that come round two."

Joey gasped when Seto threw him over his shoulder and ran up the stairs to their bedroom. With a resounding bang, the slamming of the door was soon replaced by erotic moans.

Yep. Renting movies did the world a whole lot of good.

* * *

**Author's Note – Me likey.**

**You likey?**


	13. Sweet Words

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – What can I say? Seto has odd ways of expressing himself. And plus, I was inspired by one of Shakespeare's Sonnets.

* * *

**Sweet Words (Rated T)**

Seto sighed. Opening his eyes he realized it was morning and what a glorious morning it was. He rolled onto his side so that he could take in his Puppy's sleeping form. What did he ever do to deserve such a wondrous creature as his lover?

Leaning over the blond, he placed a light kiss on Joey's forehead, his lips barely making contact with his smooth skin.

"Puppy, your eyes are nothing like precious jewels," Seto whispered, trying to remain as quiet as possible as he tried to find the right words for what he was feeling.

"Peaches are even sweeter than your lips." Now Seto was starting to play with a strand of Joey's hair.

"Though your skin is soft, it lacks an equal tan." Seto sighed, still messing with the blond's hair.

"Your hair isn't nearly as fine as silk." He paused when Joey released a light snore. Seeing that his Puppy was still asleep, he continued.

"Roses have more color than your cheeks, except when you blush." Halting his hand's ministrations, he stared at Joey for a bit longer.

"Even the worst of colognes smell better than you when you're drenched from the rain." Seto closed his eyes.

"I enjoy listening to you talk, but music is definitely more pleasing to hear." Smiling softly, he opened his eyes again.

"You're clumsy and nowhere near graceful," said Seto, his expression growing serious once more.

"But even with all your faults, my love for you is stronger than anything. Why? Because I love you for whom you are."

"Bastard," came Joey's muffled response.

Seto froze. "I…thought you were asleep."

Joey turned to face Seto and stared at him. "You thought wrong."

"How…long have you been awake?"

"Ever since you kissed me."

Seto seemed to be at a loss for words.

"You do have an interesting way of saying you love me, though," commented Joey, laying back against the pillows. "Even if it is…derogatory."

"Puppy, I didn't mean—"

"Shut up," interrupted Joey, whacking Seto in the face with a stray pillow. "I didn't say I didn't like it. Well, maybe I kinda implied that, but anyway…I love you, too. And I love the fact that you love my faults as well as my strengths."

Seto snorted. "And what strengths would those be?"

Joey narrowed his eyes and glared at his lover. "What about celibacy!? You wanna try that out for a few weeks!?"

Paling visibly, Seto tried sputtering an apology. But it already seemed like Joey had made up his mind, especially when his Puppy was grumbling about moving into a guest room. This would _not _be a good few weeks for him.

* * *

**Author's Note – Poor Seto. He's gotta be celibate for a while.**

**But if anyone's interested in the sonnet that inspired me, it's Sonnet 130. It's quite amusing because it's like a love poem but points out all the flaws in the mistress Shakespeare speaks of.**

**You should check it out if you have time.**


	14. Chores

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – I seem to get…oddly inspired by the simplest of things.

* * *

**Chores (Rated M)**

The sight Seto had before him nearly made him fall over from the blood rushing to his head…the lower one that is. His Puppy was currently bent over the tub in their bathroom, scrubbing the porcelain surface mercilessly.

But his Puppy's bent over form wasn't what had him hardening more and more after every breath he took. Oh no. It was the way his Puppy's body thrust back and forth as he continued scrubbing the tub. Sometimes his pace would quicken when he got to a particularly tough spot, and then he would gradually slow down before picking up his pace again.

Seto decided that he should have a little fun and show his sweet Puppy just what he did to him exactly.

* * *

Joey was fuming. Seto had fired all the maids because, for some strange reason, they'd all pissed him off. Now here he was, cleaning out their bathtub because Seto was too cheap to get any hired help.

Well, when Seto got home, he'd definitely give him a piece of his mind!

That was his plan, anyway, until he felt a pair of hands roughly grab his hips. Joey yelped and tried to scramble away, twisting around so that he could do some damage to his attacker.

"Seto! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Joey glared at his smirking boyfriend with all the anger he could muster.

"What does it look like, Puppy?" responded the brunet as he trailed his hands around Joey's small form before finding his ass, giving both cheeks a firm squeeze.

"Stop it!" Joey snapped, throwing his dirty sponge at him. "I'm not in the mood."

"But I am," replied Seto, yanking the blond against him. He nibbled Joey's ear while whispering, "How about I get you in the mood?"

Joey screeched and tried to get away from his overly horny boyfriend. They'd already done it twice today, and with all the chores he'd been doing because of the fired maids, he was exhausted.

"Seto, please! I'm tired and I don't wanna do it right now. Please, Seto. Stop," Joey whined.

Pausing in his…ministrations, Seto looked at his Puppy, taking in ruffled appearance. His face was slightly flushed, but he didn't know if that was from embarrassment or scrubbing away at the tub. The blond's hair was slightly messy, giving him an adorable look, and his lips were parted just so, his lips begging to be ravished.

Seto didn't care if his Puppy was tired or not in the mood. He'd get him there soon enough.

"You don't know what you do to me, do you, Puppy?"

"Huh?" Joey wasn't sure if he liked where this was going.

"I come home after a long day at work to find you bent over the tub, thrusting your lithe body back and forth just to get it clean," he said huskily. Joey reddened. "Your pace quickened while making soft grunting sounds, and then you gradually slowed, sighing softly as you did so. You looked so ravishing, bent over, with your taut ass in the air, just begging to be—"

"Shut up!" Joey exclaimed, scrambling away from him. Only Seto could get so turned on with something as simple as cleaning a bathtub. "I didn't mean to make you horny! Go jack off in shower or something!"

"Will you watch me if I do?" Seto smirked. He loved getting his Puppy all riled up. It was absolutely adorable.

Joey choked as he tried to come up with an answer. He couldn't.

"Should I take that as a yes?"

"Hell no!" Joey found his voice again. "Keep your perverted ass away from me!"

"I can do that."

His Puppy looked at him, dumbfounded. "Really? You promise?"

Seto nodded seriously. "I promise."

Joey visibly relaxed, sighing in relief in the process. "Good."

"Besides, it's not my ass I intend to use on you."

Realizing that Seto had used his 'literal meaning word thingy' again (Joey's own words), he darted from the bathroom, only to be caught and promptly tossed onto the bed.

Seto pushed his Puppy back against the sheets, nipping and sucking at his neck. Eliciting pleasing sounds from his Puppy, he quickly did away with their shirts, pants and—

He smirked when he realized his Puppy wasn't wearing any underwear. "Were you expecting something when I came home?" he inquired as he began stroking Joey's hardening length.

"Mn…n-no…I…uhn! S-Seto!" Joey arched into his lover's touch, trying to get himself to come as soon as possible.

"I don't think so, Puppy," said the brunet as he moved his hand from the blond's weeping member to a more stimulating spot. Thrusting a finger inside him, Joey moaned deliciously.

"Oh!" Joey spread his legs wider to give Seto better access. Hey, he hadn't planned on this, but when there's a hot guy trying to _pleasure_ you, you tend to give in.

Seto added another finger, scissoring him a bit before adding a third. His Puppy wouldn't need much prep today since they'd…already done it a couple times earlier that day.

"Are you ready for me, Puppy?"

"Seto," Joey whined, "just do it already!"

Removing his fingers, he quickly did away with his boxers before slamming into the blond beneath him.

Joey gasped and wrapped his arms around Seto's neck, pulling him into a deep kiss. When they pulled away for air, Seto pulled out and thrust back in, keeping a fast and steady pace.

"Yesss…oh, S-Seto! H-Harder! Oh, God! I-I'm gonna…uhn…c-come…ah, already!"

Seto growled and snapped his hips. Joey gave a surprised yelp before wrapping his legs around the brunet's waist. Seto was determined to make his Puppy scream for him…and soon.

"S-Seto!" Joey cried as he came. Seto came hard right alongside him, releasing himself deep inside the blond.

"Joey!"

Panting, Seto pulled himself out and carefully lowered himself so that he wouldn't crush his lover. With a quick kiss on his forehead, Seto reached over to the nightstand and grabbed a washcloth he always kept there for times like these.

Quickly cleaning themselves up, he pulled the sheets down and covered them with the silky blankets.

As he snuggled next to his Puppy, he heard him say, "Maybe it was a good idea to fire those maids."

Seto chuckled as he pulled Joey closer to him. "I love you, Puppy. Goodnight."

Joey tried to stifle a yawn, but failed miserably. "L-Love you…too. 'Night."

Smiling, his Puppy fell asleep. Perhaps firing those maids had been a good idea. This left Seto to wonder what other sorts of chores Joey could do that would lead to a night of passion.

He could only hope the next time would involve the kitchen. There were _so _many possibilities in there.

* * *

**Author's Note – I hope you liked this one. I know I did writing it.**

**It was a brief lemon, but I think you needed something juicy from these two.**


	15. Massage

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – We'll be having a little role switching in this one.

* * *

**Massage (Rated T)**

Joey frowned as he stared at the door to Seto's office at Kaiba Corp. He didn't move. He didn't blink. He just stared at the closed door with his boyfriend's name inscribed on it.

A passing secretary had even gotten worried by Joey's paralytic stance. After waving a hand in front of his face for what seemed like a minute, Joey finally snapped out of it and told the woman he was okay.

Then he went back to staring at the door again. He really didn't want to be here. And he really didn't want to do what he came here to do. Stupid bet.

* * *

_Flashback_

_Yugi stifled a snicker as he watched the exchange between Joey and Yami. He couldn't help it. Joey had made an outrageous wager that if he could beat Yami in a duel, he would have to do anything he said._

_Yami had agreed and placed those same terms on Joey._

_After the duel, Yami had clearly won by a landslide, leaving a gaping Joey in his wake._

"_I am not doing it!" Joey snapped, brining Yugi from his thoughts. "No way in hell!"_

"_You lost, Joey. Fair and square," replied Yami, smirking triumphantly at the blond._

_Realizing that there was no way out of this, Joey left the Game Shop and set out on his…mission._

_End Flashback_

* * *

And now here he was. Standing in front of the closed door of Seto's office. Staring at the door. Frowning at the door. Glaring at the d—

"Ah, hell. I'm just gonna do it," Joey mumbled under his breath.

He timidly knocked on the door. When he received no answer, he slowly turned the doorknob and carefully opened it. Peeking inside, he noticed that Seto was laying face down on the leather couch in his office.

And he looked like he was fast asleep.

Creeping into the room, Joey cautiously closed the door, barely making a sound, and tiptoed over to the couch. When he reached it, he knelt behind the couch so that if Seto woke, he wouldn't see him. Joey thought he'd be a lot better off that way.

Taking a deep breath, Joey braced himself for what he was about to do next. He lifted a shaking hand and brought it toward Seto's plump ass. His hand got lower and lower until his fingertips barely grazed the tight pants Seto was wearing. It was now or never.

He pinched Seto's ass.

And pulled his hand back while diving behind the couch. He waited. Nothing.

Joey frowned. Apparently he'd have to do something a little more…extreme.

He leaned back over the couch, determination in his eyes. Raising his hand, he brought it back, and with as much force as he could muster, brought his hand down on Seto's ass with a resounding smack.

Diving behind the couch again, Joey nursed his stinging hand while listening for _anything _from his boyfriend.

Seto woke with a start, his eyes still glazed from sleep. He wasn't entirely aware of anything at the moment. All he did know was that his ass hurt like hell.

"What the fuck?" Seto mumbled sleepily as he moved to sit up. He glanced around the room. No one was in his office as far as he could tell. So what had woke him up? And why did his fucking ass hurt?!

Frowning, Seto stood up and took a few steps away from the couch. He was about to head for the door when he suddenly felt a hand grope his ass fairly roughly.

Seto yelped and bolted from the groping hand. When he felt there was enough distance between himself and his perpetrator, he turned around, ready to face his attacker in any means necessary.

"Puppy?" Now Seto was confused. His Puppy had never grabbed his ass before. That wasn't like him. He was too shy to. But Joey was the only one in his office. Was he still asleep and dreaming or something?

"Hey, Dragon," Joey said huskily as he sauntered toward the baffled brunet. "I came to see you."

Seto just nodded, keeping a watchful eye on his Puppy. But when he suddenly felt himself pressed up against the wall with Joey's hands resting on either side of his head, he grew slightly concerned.

"What are you doing?" Seto asked. The confusion etched on his face made him look really cute.

Joey smirked. "What does it look like I'm doing, Dragon?"

And then Joey's hands had left the sides of his head and were now trailing down his chest in a very forward manner. But they didn't stay there for long.

Leaning in toward Seto's face, he whispered, "Do you like this?"

"Like wha—_eep_!" Seto unconsciously ground his hips against his Puppy's when he felt a pair of hands squeeze his ass.

"I didn't know you could screech like that, Seto. What other sounds can you make?" Joey chuckled.

"Puppy! What are you—ah! Stop it! Oh…I-I'm serious, Joey. Cut it o-out! Ah!"

When Seto finally whimpered, Joey pulled his _perverted _hands away and stared at his boyfriend, who was looking quite flustered at the moment.

Seto finally managed to get his wits about him. "What the fuck was that all about?! And in my office of all places?!"

"You don't seem to complain when you do that to me," Joey argued as he sat on the couch. He crossed his arms and looked off to the side.

Then Seto realized what Joey meant. Every little thing Joey had just done, he did to his Puppy himself. When he told him to stop, he didn't stop but just kept on…groping. It was…slightly uncomfortable. Did he make Joey feel like that all the time?

Not to mention he had…squealed…in a masculine sort of way of course. It was nothing like Joey's feminine yelp at all. Nope. Not one bit.

"I'm sorry," Seto said in a lost voice. "Do I make you uncomfortable when I do those sorts of things to you?" he asked as he sat on the couch next to Joey.

Joey blushed. "N-Not all the t-time. I-It's just that...it's embarrassing sometimes."

"Do you want me to stop doing that to you then?" The serious and concerned look on Seto's face was too much for Joey to bear, so he burst out laughing. "What the hell is so funny?!"

"Y-You! I-I didn't mean anything by it, Seto. I just lost a bet. You don't make be uncomfortable when you do those sorts of things. I'm just…shy, I guess."

Seto smirked and pulled Joey into his lap. "I knew you liked it. So what should I do to you right now?" Seto replied seductively.

Joey chuckled nervously as he tried to get out of Seto's vice grip. "U-Um, nothing right now. Seto! Don't! We're in your office!" Joey screeched. All he felt were roaming hands and rushing fingers.

Suddenly, Seto stopped and his eyes narrowed at Joey. "What do you mean you lost a bet?"

Freezing in place, Joey struggled for a response. "I made a bet with Yami. Whoever won the duel would have to do whatever the other said. I lost…obviously."

Seto raised an eyebrow. "And what did Yami make you do?"

Paling slightly, Joey sat rigid in the brunet's lap. "I had to massage your ass," he managed to squeak out.

There was no response from Seto at all. He just stared at him.

Then Joey paled some more. Seto's face had just changed. That was not a look he liked when it was directed at him.

Seto glared at his Puppy. "You spanked me!"

Joey leapt off his Dragon's lap and bolted for the door, but it was too late. Seto had caught him.

"Seto, please don't!" Joey whined as he was dragged further into the office.

"Oh, I think I will. You've been a naughty little pet, haven't you? You should be punished, right Puppy?"

"No!" Joey cried and he was tossed onto the couch. Punishment usually meant something involving Seto's tongue _near_ and _in_ a certain part of his _lower _body.

And who knew what else his Dragon would do to him! He'd pinched him, spanked him, and groped him mercilessly. Joey believed he wouldn't be walking for weeks.

Seto smirked and he pinned his Puppy to the couch. He was beginning to like the thought of Joey losing his bets. In fact, Joey should make wagers more often.

* * *

**Author's Note – Did you like it? It was a bit out of the ordinary, but that's what makes it fun. Right?**


	16. Take Out

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – Yeah! A perverted Seto!

* * *

**Take-Out (Rated M)**

"Seto, you perverted bastard! This is not what I meant when I said I wanted take-out!" Joey screeched as he tugged mercilessly on the restraints that bound his wrists to the headboard. He was currently splayed out on their bed, his hands pulled away from his body in a taut manner, and his legs spread and tied, each with its very own bedpost.

And he was completely naked. Well…almost. Seto had taken the liberty of covering him in something…quite scrumptious.

"But you said you wanted take-out," Seto chuckled as he nibbled on a Chow Mein noodle that resided near the blond's nipple. This elicited a pleasant moan from his Puppy.

"S-Seto! Untie me! Please?" Joey whined, trying to move away from Seto's soft nips and nibbles.

"We haven't finished out take-out yet," argued Seto teasingly. He just loved getting his Puppy all flustered. This was fun.

"You call stripping me naked, binding me to the bed, and dumping our dinner all over me take-out?!"

Seto leaned back and stared at the fire blazing in Joey's eyes. "Yes."

Joey let out a frustrated sigh as he fought his bindings once more. "You're impossible! You know that?!"

"Be still, Pup. I'm not through eating yet," replied Seto huskily as he continued lapping up the Chow Mein strewn across his Puppy's wriggling form.

"You?! I haven't even eaten anything yet! I'm hungry too, you know!" Joey protested, hoping that this would benefit him in some way.

"Well, when I'm finished…you can eat me up," Seto stated with a wink.

Joey blushed furiously at what his lover implied, earning him another chuckle.

Seto went back to devouring every inch of his Puppy. He was thoroughly enjoying himself. Causing all those moans and whimpers just by eating food off Joey was really turning him on. Maybe he should have take-out more often.

Then again, maybe not. When a bitter taste filled his mouth, he immediately spit the object out of his mouth.

"Even your heavenly taste can't mask the unpleasantness of bok choy," Seto half mumbled.

But Joey heard anyway, and the blush that came onto his face was even stronger than before. "Come on Seto. Let me go," he pleaded.

The brunet looked back up at him, a sly look on his face. "Puppy, have I ever told you how much I like soy sauce?"

"Oh, no you don't!" Joey squirmed. "Don't you _dare_ put that on me down there! No! Seto! Gaah! Seto!"

* * *

**Author's Note – Did you lick—I mean…like it? LOL.**

**Please read and review!**


	17. I Don't Wanna

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – Let the mayhem ensue!

* * *

**I Don't Wanna (Rated T)**

"I don't wanna," whined Joey as he pressed himself up against the wall. Seto was very close to him and looking quite feral.

"But I want you to, Puppy," Seto said seductively.

"B-B-But I d-don't wanna b-be on t-top!" the blond exclaimed, inching away from even more.

"You might like it, Puppy. And besides, there's a first time for everything," he replied with a smirk.

"I don't wanna be seme!" Joey protested indignantly.

Seto's expression became baffled. "Who said anything about you being seme?"

Now it was Joey's turn to be confused. "But you said you wanted me on top."

"I know what I said, Puppy. But you're not going to be the seme. Not while I'm thrusting into you while you ride me," Seto whispered erotically as he crept closer to his Puppy.

Joey's face turned bright red at that statement. "Oh, God! You want me to be on top like that?! Hell no! Why can't we do it like we always do it?!"

"Because I want to try something new, my little uke. Shall we?" Seto yanked Joey to him instantly, eliciting a yelp from the squirming blond.

"But I don't wanna!" Joey whined once more as he desperately tried to escape the brunet's grasp. He failed miserably.

There was no way to escape Seto…especially when he was _really _horny.

* * *

**Author's Note – I think I've been reading too many seme/uke reviews, so here's where I stand on the issue: Seto/Seme x Joey/Uke**


	18. Dressing Up

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – I just couldn't resist!

* * *

**Dressing Up (Rated M)**

"I fucking hate you!" Joey screamed from within the bathroom.

Seto just smirked as he lay back on the bed, eagerly waiting for his Puppy to step _out _of the bathroom. "No you don't."

"Yes I do!" he protested. "Why the fuck are you making me wear this?"

"We had a deal, Puppy. If I wear what you want me to wear, you have to wear what I want you to wear. I wore the jeans and t-shirt."

"But that's different!"

"No it's not. You never said _where_ you had to wear the outfit. Our bedroom is as good a place as any," replied Seto smugly.

"I still hate you!" Joey shouted once more. "And I'm _never _doing this again!"

"We'll see," Seto said under his breath. He was _really _looking forward to seeing his Puppy.

"What was that?" Joey snapped, whipping open the bathroom door at the same time.

Seto almost choked on his intake of breath by what he saw. Sure, he'd expected Joey to look good, but not _this _hot! Had his Puppy gotten _hotter_? Or should he say…his Bunny?

Joey stood in front of Seto dressed as…a Playboy Bunny. He wore a Ruffle Bunny outfit. His Puppy, or Bunny, currently wore a pink ruffle net tri-tie top and tie side thong panties. The blond even wore pink bunny ears and similar colored heels. The blush fit him nicely, too.

"So," Seto began, breaking the silence, "do you think this outfit comes in Puppy?"

"You bastard!" Joey screamed, taking off the heels and throwing them at Seto. So much for a romantic evening.

* * *

**Author's Note – I told you I couldn't resist!**


	19. Dancing

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – Seto can be sweet, too, you know!

* * *

**Dancing (Rated K+)**

"Dance with me."

Joey froze. It sounded more like a demand than anything else. Just why the hell would Seto Kaiba of all people come up to _him_, at a school _dance_, and order him to dance with _him_? The brunet had to be up to something.

"No," Joey replied shortly, turning his back on the brunet. But a hand shot out and stopped him.

"Dance with me," Seto demanded again.

"Why should I?" Joey snapped. "You're just gonna embarrass me or something in front of the whole school, so just leave me alone."

Joey swore he saw a hurt expression cross Seto's face, but it was gone too quickly for him to make sure.

"I'm _not _going to embarrass you. I just want you to dance with me," Seto said, losing his patience.

The blond knew he shouldn't do it, but what choice did he have?

"Fine," Joey grumbled, sulking as he went back toward the brunet. "But _only _one!"

Now Joey thought Seto actually looked pleased, but he wasn't sure why. And the CEO looked _way _too eager.

Before he knew it, Seto had him in the middle of the dance floor and they were dancing—much to Joey's horror—to a slow song. That meant closer contact! Closer contact to Seto Kaiba! Seto Kaiba, his crush of all time!

Joey blushed when Seto pulled even closer to his body. Attempting to make things…normal between them—like _anything _between them was ever normal—the blond cleared his throat. "S-So why did you want to dance with _me_?"

Seto looked down at the blond in his arms, seeming to contemplate Joey's words. "I wanted to hold you."

Joey's jaw dropped. Well, that was blunt! "Wh-What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means," Seto began as he started leading Joey outside the door, "that I…that I…"

"You what?"

They were finally outside now, away from everyone.

"I _like _you, okay?" Seto retorted. "I…like you."

Joey felt his insides turn to jelly. _YES! _Joey screamed inside his head, doing a little victory dance up there as well.

"Aren't you going to say anything?"

Perhaps he hadn't responded as quickly as Seto would have like, because he was looking at him very strangely right now.

"What do you want me to say?" Joey asked, hoping to get a little more out of the brunet.

Seto's eyes widened. "I was hoping…never mind," he said, turning away from the blond.

However, Joey stopped _him _this time.

"I like you, too."

Stopping in his tracks, Seto spun on his heel to look incredulously at the blond. "What?"

"I _said_…I like you, too," repeated the blond nervously. He started fidgeting with his hands when Seto failed to respond.

And before he knew it he was in Seto's arms again.

"Go out with me," he demanded.

Joey narrowed his eyes. "If you think I'm gonna listen to you barking orders at me, you got another thing coming!"

Seto smirked. "Fine. Will you go out with me?"

"That's better," Joey smiled, taking Seto's hand and urging him to walk with him.

"You didn't answer my question, Puppy."

Joey bristled at the new nickname, but somehow he knew Seto didn't mean for it to hurt him. Now that he thought about it…it sounded like a cute pet name. He could get used to that.

"You didn't say 'please,' Seto."

And with that, Joey ran off laughing, a sputtering CEO hot on his tail. Joey figured that this was going to be the experience of a lifetime and he couldn't wait for it to start.

* * *

**Author's Note – Seto's so funny.**


	20. Taking Pictures

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – This is a little much. Even for Seto.

* * *

**Taking Pictures (Rated T)**

Seto smirked at the digital camera he held in his hands. Turning it on, he grinned mischievously. This was going to be good.

Taking off his boots, he tiptoed to the bathroom. The door was open just a crack, but it was enough for Seto to aim the lens through the slit. As the camera focused, his smirk turned lecherous as he saw his naked Puppy through the lens taking a shower. He'd forgotten to draw the shower curtain.

With a quick snap, the picture was taken, but something else happened, too. There had been a flash. Seto was near ready to bash his head in. How could he forget to turn the flash off? But maybe his Puppy hadn't noticed.

"SETO KAIBA!"

He took that back. Maybe his Puppy did notice.

Before he knew it, Joey was out of the bathroom, bathrobe wrapped securely around him. He snatched the camera from the brunet in the blink of an eye.

"Ya want to take pictures, huh?" the blond deadpanned. "Well, we'll take your fuckin' pictures."

"Puppy—ow!"

_Flash!_

"Don't hit me with—"

_Flash!_

"—the camera!"

_Flash!_

"Shit!"

_Flash!_

"Stop!"

_Flash!_

_

* * *

_

"Hey, Joey!" called Yugi as he raced over to meet Joey by his locker. "How was your weekend?"

"Same old, same old," replied the blond.

"Oh! What's that?" Yugi exclaimed when he saw a flash of silver.

"Seto's camera."

"If it's Kaiba's, why do you have it?"

"Because he's dangerous with it."

"Me?" Seto snapped, finally entering the school. He was sporting a pretty impressive black eye. "You're the one who was swinging it at me!"

"Well, if ya hadn't tried to take a picture of me while I was takin' a shower this might not have happened!" the blond retaliated.

Yugi, seeing as how the subject needed to be changed—and quickly—asked the only question that came to mind. "So…have you taken any good pictures lately?"

At this, Joey smirked. He took out the camera and flipped through the pictures on file.

There was one of Seto ducking from the camera when he swung it at him, one of Seto's eyes—the one which sported the black eye—from when he swung the camera at him, one of Seto splayed on the ground from when he swung the camera at him, and did he mention of the one of Seto on his knees and begging when he swung the camera at him?

"Those are…really great, Joey," said Yugi, not sure exactly _what _he should say.

"I'm gonna get these printed," the blond announced proudly.

"Oh, no you're not," Seto growled.

"Ya wanna bet!" Joey rounded on him.

The brunet's eyes widened when he saw the camera come hurling at him again. But he didn't stay there long enough for it to hit him.

Soon, Seto was gone…and eventually Joey was, too, since he'd decided to chase after him. The camera lay all but forgotten on the floor.

Sighing, Yugi picked it, put it in his locker, and slammed it shut. If something like Seto's camera were ever obtained by anyone other than him, not only would Seto kill him, but Joey would as well.

You see, the blond had forgotten to delete the picture Seto had taken of him. And since Yugi cherished his life above all else, rescuing the camera from the clutches of any lurking fan girls seemed to be the best way to ensure that he'd live long and prosper.

* * *

**Author's Note – This whole taking pictures thing seemed really funny when I imagined it.**

**Hope you liked it!**


	21. Daydreams

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – It's…drabble time!

* * *

**Daydreams (Rated M)**

Seto Kaiba was bored out of his fucking mind. It was the last period of the day and it just dragged on! Why did school have to be such a bore? And now that he thought about it…why was he even here in the first place?

Someone sighed next to him.

Oh, right. That was why.

Joey Wheeler, Seto's longtime crush—not that the blond knew it of course—was just as bored as he was. Maybe even more so. He kept twisting and turning in his seat like he was having a hard time trying to fall asleep in bed.

Bed. Seto's thoughts suddenly started to wander. It would be very nice if he had his little blond Puppy in bed with him. He'd have him pinned beneath his body. Joey and himself would be naked, sweat glistening on their skin as he pleasured the writhing form of his Puppy.

Then Joey would make all those cute little sounds he dreamt about at night while he panted and moaned, begging him for more. Then he would pump into him faster and faster until they roared their completion.

Afterward, they'd cuddle next to each other, sleepily say their 'I love yous' and fall asleep, content with knowing that they'd be there with each other when they woke.

It was enough to bring a smile to Seto's face.

"Um…Kaiba?" Joey called hesitantly.

Seto snapped out of his thoughts and brought his attention to Joey. But then he noticed everyone in the class staring at him. They looked…shocked.

"Did you just…smile?" the blond continued.

A blank look suddenly crossed Seto's face. _Oh, shit! _he thought to himself. But before he could yell at everyone for staring at him, the bell rang, signaling the end of the day. Quickly gathering his things, Seto stormed out of the classroom and soon made his way onto the school grounds.

"Hey, Kaiba! Wait up!" Joey yelled after him.

"What do _you _want?" Seto retaliated as coldly as he could muster considering the circumstances. His Puppy _did _hate him after all.

"I just wanted to know…what you were smiling about in class," the blond added a bit shyly.

Well, this was new. "And why would you want to know something like that?"

"Because…you look…nice when you smile," Joey answered slowly. "What you were thinking about must have made you happy, so…I guess…you should go for it…whatever it was."

"If I were to say that _you _were involved in my little daydream, what would you do?" Seto inquired curiously.

The blond paled. "I'd run," he said before sprinting off, but Seto caught him around the middle before throwing him over his shoulder. "Put me down! Oh, god! Please don't kill me!"

"Puppy, killing you is the furthest thing from my mind," smirked the brunet.

"Wh-What?"

"I plan on torturing you."

"That's even worse!" Joey shrieked, struggling again.

"The good kind."

"What the hell do you mean the good kind? There's no such thing as good kinds of torture!" The blond yelped when Seto slapped his ass and then fondled him.

"Oh, yes there is. And I plan on spending _all _weekend showing you what I mean," commented Seto. He was smiling again.

Joey gaped, a bright blush on his face. He couldn't say no to that. His crush planned on doing _that _with him? Well, hell. He could live with that.

And Seto could, too.

* * *

**Author's Note – I had this idea for awhile and thought it's be fun to write.**

**Please Review!**


	22. Cologne

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – I haven't done a drabble in awhile.

* * *

**Cologne (Rated T)**

Seto inhaled deeply when Joey sat down next to him during class. For some reason, the blond was letting off a different aroma…a more _exotic _aroma. His eyes panning the smaller teen's form, the brunet leaned a little closer, trying to be inconspicuous as he sniffed him.

"What the hell are you doing?" Joey shrieked, jumping from his seat as he stared down at Seto with wide eyes.

"Mr. Wheeler, sit down," scolded their teacher.

The blond reluctantly plopped himself back into his seat. Thank goodness they sat near the back of the classroom, because it meant that he could…_talk_ to the brunet without being discovered.

"Did you just smell me?" Joey hissed through his teeth.

"It's possible," Seto replied, amusement clearly showing in his eyes.

"It's possible, my ass! You were sniffing me! And I wanna know why!" he demanded softly.

The brunet smirked mischievously before answering. "My Puppy smells different today. And I just wanted to know what it was."

Blushing, Joey glared at him. "I'm not a puppy and I'm not yours!" he spat. "And I just put on cologne today. That's all."

"I don't think that's it," Seto stated thoughtfully.

The blond grew confused. "What else could it be? That's the only thing that's different."

"Is it?" questioned the brunet, moving close enough to him so that their noses were barely touching. Suddenly, a hand started stroking Joey's thigh…and it was _not _his own. "Because I think my Puppy is giving off the scent of his own pheromones. Is my Puppy ready to mate with me? Because your sweet scent has got me all riled up."

Joey gaped at him. How could…someone _say _something like that? And so bluntly? When his mouth finally stopped imitating that of a fish's, he forcibly removed Seto's hand from his leg and glared at him full force.

"You fucking, horny bastard!" the blond seethed as quietly as he could.

"Sorry, Puppy. But your sensual aroma made me this way."

Joey leapt from his seat and screamed at him. "I am not giving off any fucking pheromones!" he roared, fuming at the brunet, who was smirking again.

"Mr. Wheeler, as much as I enjoy your arbitrary yet ludicrous outbursts, I will not say this again. Sit down," ordered their teacher.

The blond blushed full force then. He'd said that out loud? _That _loud? Sliding back into his seat, Joey wished that the floor could swallow him whole.

Stupid cologne. He was never wearing the stuff ever again. It was just going to get him into trouble. Or worse…molested by a certain CEO who kept staring at him. Yep. Cologne was definitely a bad idea.

* * *

**Author's Note – What did you think?**

**Please Review!**


	23. First Times

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – How about we torture Mokuba in this one?

* * *

**First Times (Rated T)**

"Shit!" Mokuba froze. That was Joey's voice, but why was it coming from inside his room? He was about to investigate when he heard another voice, this one sounding a lot like his brother's.

"Well, you didn't last long," came Seto's deep tenor.

"Shut up!" snapped the blond. "It's not like you helped much."

"I beg to differ. Now get off the bed," growled the brunet. "Could you be any messier?"

Mokuba's eyes widened. Just what the hell had they done in his room?

"It's not my fault it came out all over the bed!" Joey protested. "Why did we have to do it in Mokuba's room anyway?"

"One, I knew you'd make a mess; and two, it's not like Mokuba's going to care," retaliated Seto.

"What do you mean Mokuba's not going to care? We ruined his bed!"

"Then clean it up. It's not like he's going to know what happened."

"I'm not cleaning this up!"

"Fine!" snapped the brunet. "Then we'll just have Mokuba clean it up. Does _that_ make you happy?"

"No, that doesn't make me happy! And it's not fair to Mokuba! _We_ made the mess, so _we _should clean it up."

There was a moment's silence, which only caused Mokuba to step closer to the door, his body shaking.

"We should probably change the bedding then," said Seto finally. "We don't want to leave anything behind on his bed. It'll be easier to—"

"WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO?" Mokuba roared, bursting into the room, breathing heavily as his whole body shook with rage.

Both Seto and Joey jumped before glancing down at the small boy.

"We were gonna clean it up! I swear!" the blond started instantly.

"And if you're going to blame anyone, blame him. It's _his _fault," added the brunet.

But Mokuba didn't want to hear anymore. "What were you thinking? Having sex in my room? Really?" he screeched at the top of his lungs.

"Sex?" Seto and Joey echoed.

"Yeah! I _heard _you! I have ears, you know! How could you—GAAH! I'm moving out," he deadpanned suddenly.

"We…didn't have sex in your room," Joey stated slowly, his expression confused.

"But I heard you guys talking—"

"Mokuba," Seto interrupted, "the Pup's telling the truth. We didn't have sex in here."

Didn't…have…sex? "Then what were you two doing? Because that's what it sounded like!"

The two older boys looked at each other before stepping away from the bed, allowing Mokuba to see the _mess _they'd made. It was then the small boy noticed the thousands of tiny puzzle pieces strewn all over the bed. Several puzzle boxes lay on the floor next to it.

"We came up here to pass these puzzles onto you since you like them, but then Joey said he wanted to build one," began the brunet.

"It was our first time putting a puzzle together," continued the blond.

"When we finished, we put the pieces away and went to put the puzzles in your closet. But then _he_…decided to trip over the bedspread and the puzzles went flying everywhere."

"And we were going to clean it up, too!" insisted Joey.

"That's why I suggested removing your bedding, because I thought it'd be easier to find all the lost pieces," finished Seto.

"So, let me get this straight," said Mokuba. "You guys _didn't _have sex in my room?"

"Would you give it a rest with the sex already? Geez!" exclaimed Joey.

"I agree. We have more class than that," conceded the brunet.

"Well…I wouldn't go that far," the blond replied thoughtfully. "There was that one time on the couch in the living room. Plus, we've done it on the dining room table a few times. And the time we did it on the kitchen counter was—"

"Oh my God!" Mokuba screamed, appalled. "I've sat on that couch! I've eaten on that table! I've prepared food on that counter! I live here, too, people! And you just go around and…and…I really _am _moving out!"

"Mokuba, it's not like we've never cleaned up afterward. We sanitized everything we did it on," Joey declared honestly.

"That…isn't entirely true," Seto interceded sheepishly. "I…might have forgotten to clean up Mokuba's beanbag chair in the gaming room."

The small boy paled. "AUGH!"

* * *

**Author's Note – I was cruel, wasn't I?**


	24. Web Cams

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – This one is random. I know.

* * *

**Web Cams (Rated T)**

Seto smirked excitedly. This would be the first time he and Joey would have a live video chat. It was thrilling. The possibilities were endless for what they could do. Perhaps business trips weren't all that bad after all.

"Hello, Puppy," the brunet purred when he saw Joey appear on his computer screen.

"Hi, Seto," the blond replied. He looked like he was glowing.

"Are you that happy to see me already?" Seto chuckled lightheartedly.

"Oh, I'm happy. That's for sure." There was a moment's pause as Joey glanced off to the side and looked back at him. "I met someone today."

Of all the things the blond could have said, _that _was not one of them. "What do you mean?" The brunet was literally sitting on the edge of his seat.

"I met someone while I went out shopping," Joey said with a smile. "And…I kind of brought him home with me."

Seto was at a loss for words. "What the—I don't understand," he gasped.

"His name's Suya and he's really cute. He has the most beautiful brown eyes. You could get so lost in them. And he's a blond, too, so we're a perfect match for each other. Plus, he tries to get in all the kisses he can get," laughed Joey.

The brunet couldn't believe what he was hearing. His Puppy…had left him for someone else?

"Would you like to meet him, Seto?" asked the blond cheerfully. "I think you two are really going to hit it off."

He was going to hit _something_ when he came back home, and it would most likely be the one trying to take his Puppy away from him! He then noticed that Joey had abruptly left the screen. Was he seriously fetching this Suya person?

"Here he is!" Joey announced giddily as he sat back down. "I told you he was cute!"

"Suya's a puppy?" Seto roared when he saw the small golden retriever puppy in the blond's arms.

Joey frowned. "Yeah. What did you think I was talking about?"

The brunet felt like bashing his head against the keyboard. Of course his Puppy wouldn't cheat on him. What had he been thinking? He'd been away too long. As soon as he got back, he was going to take a vacation. A _long _vacation.

"So, do you like him?"

Seto looked back at them and smiled. "I sure do."

"Great!" he exclaimed in response. "Now I can introduce you to Kat?"

"Who the fuck is Kat?" the brunet roared once more. Was the puppy just a distraction from the _real _culprit?

"The kitten," he answered matter-of-factly.

This time, Seto really _did _bash his head on the keyboard.

* * *

**Author's Note – I told you it was random!**


	25. Tattoos

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – I'm on a randomness roll!

* * *

**Tattoos (Rated T)**

Seto headed for his bedroom, relieved that he was finally home from a long day at work. And he couldn't wait to get his hands on a feisty little Puppy he knew would be waiting for him in his room. Smirking to himself as thoughts of what he could do to the blond crossed his mind, he opened the door and saw Joey sitting on the bed looking at a magazine.

Setting down his briefcase, the noise seemed to startle his Puppy, for he nearly ripped the magazine he held in two.

"You're home!" Joey said.

"You sound awfully surprised," commented the brunet. "Were you not expecting me to?"

"I…thought you'd be home later," the blond replied.

Seto removed his trench coat and hung it over a chair before proceeding toward Joey. "Come here," he stated teasingly as he pulled Joey roughly into his arms. But when the blond gave a pained yelp, he immediately released him. "Puppy?"

"It's nothing, Seto. My lower back is just sore, that's all," he assured him, pressing a hand to his lower back. When he winced, the brunet grew concerned.

"What happened?" he demanded. Seto slid his hand up the back of the blond's shirt, and when it touched something that felt an awful lot like a large bandage, he growled. "Did someone hurt you?"

"No! It's not what you think!" his Puppy tried to explain. "I got…I got a tattoo today." Averting his amber eyes to the ground, he waited for Seto to respond. He knew that the brunet loved his body—his tan, his unblemished skin—but what he didn't know was if Seto would be fond of him getting a tattoo. However…it _was _something he had always wanted to do, so today, he'd gone out on a whim and did it. He just hoped that Seto would like it…or at least…not be mad.

"A…tattoo?" the brunet echoed, trying to comprehend just what his Puppy was saying.

Joey nodded. "A tattoo."

Out of all the things the blond could have done, a tattoo was not something Seto had ever considered. And now that he thought of it, intricate and symbolic markings on his Puppy would just make him all the more exotic.

"May I see?" Seto asked, interested in what Joey had chosen as his tattoo.

"Um…o-okay. So…you're not mad at me for getting one?"

"Why would I be mad? Something like this will just make you all the more intoxicating," he smirked.

Blushing furiously, Joey lifted his shirt with his back facing Seto. "Just take off the bandage. I picked out the design, but I haven't seen it on me yet because the guy slapped the bandage on as soon as he was done. I'm as sore as hell, too."

The brunet stepped up to his Puppy and pulled off the bandage, gasping lightly as his blue eyes panned the marking. It was a beautiful tribal tattoo colored in black that rested on the blond's lower back. There did seem to be a little bruising from him actually getting the tattoo, but from what he could see, it looked magnificent on him.

"What do you think?" asked Joey.

Seto was about to reply when an evil thought crossed his mind. This would be fun. "I take it you thought of me when you got this?"

"Uh, why do you say that?"

"I don't know," replied the brunet as he gently stroked the area where the tattoo was. "Maybe because it says 'Fuck Here' with an arrow pointing down to your—"

"It says what?" the blond shrieked. He spun around, looking appalled by what Seto had just said. "Nonononono. What am I gonna do? I can't go around with a tattoo like this! That _fucking _bastard! I knew he was hitting on me, but then he…he—"

"Puppy, I'm joking! I'm joking! It really is a tribal symbol," interceded the brunet in hopes to calm the riled blond.

Joey let a shaky breath before smacking Seto in the arm. "You bastard! That's the last time I'm ever doing anything to _my_ body."

The brunet smiled at him amusedly, knowing that was far from true. But then, something his Puppy had said earlier suddenly struck him. "What do you mean he hit on you?" he roared.

* * *

**Author's Note – Even I amaze myself with my randomness.**


	26. AC Adapter

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – I love this one.

* * *

**AC Adapter (Rated T)**

"Give it back, Puppy," Seto ground out as he entered the living room where Mokuba and Joey were playing video games, his laptop in hand.

"Give what back?" the blond responded innocently. Suddenly, a large, frigid form blocked the TV, making both players crash their cars.

"My AC adapter," the brunet snapped.

"What the heck is an AC adapter?"

"It's the thing Seto plugs into his laptop to keep it charged," Mokuba answered. "I'm guessing his battery died and he can't find it to charge his laptop back up."

"Oh," Joey replied. "So that's what that thing was?"

Seto frowned as he set down his laptop. "What do you mean…_was_?" Both Mokuba and Joey looked at the brunet sheepishly, fidgeting as they did so.

"It…kinda had an…accident," stated the blond.

Narrowing his eyes at them, Seto gave them the most serious glare he could muster. "An accident?"

_Whoa! I didn't know his face could get that red! _Joey exclaimed inside his head.

"It was all _his _fault!" Mokuba accused, pointing at the blond.

"Me? You were the one screaming 'Kill it! Kill it!' So why blame me?" retaliated Joey.

"It's not like I asked you to go all ninja on the spider!"

"It whizzed past my head! What would you have done?"

"Not smash it to death with Seto's AC adapter! You mutilated that more than the spider!"

"Hey! I—"

"Enough!" Seto roared, quieting them instantly. He pinched the bridge of his nose. Why did it always have to be a spider? If he could have his way, he'd have all arachnids exterminated. "Why do I even put up with you two?"

"Because you really, really love us?" Mokuba offered as an answer.

Seto grunted and headed out of the room. "I'm going out to buy a new AC adapter."

"Okay. Bye!" called out Joey.

"Ah!" Mokuba shrieked.

_Smash!_

"What the heck was that for?" the blond exclaimed, staring at the laptop that was now…deceased.

"There was another spider!" Seriously, was the whole mansion infested?

"Seto?" Joey called out again. "You might want to pick up a new laptop, too."

The brunet's horrified scream—or battle cry—was all they needed to know that running for their lives was probably a good idea.

* * *

**Author's Note – Don't ask.**

**Please Review!**


	27. Soundproof

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – Don't ask…

* * *

**Soundproof (Rated T)**

The party had gone very well at the Kaiba Mansion. So much so that Seto had decided to let Joey's friends spent the night. And with that decision made, the night and early morning hours had gone _very _well indeed.

Inwardly smirking to himself over last night's activities, the brunet led his Puppy down into the dining room where everyone was gathered, devouring the breakfast that had been provided. As soon as Joey saw the food, he immediately pounced.

"It looks like you worked up quite an appetite, huh?" Duke said, smiling mischievously.

"What? Uh, no more than the usual," the blond replied.

"Well, it seemed like you had a _lot _of fun last night," added Tristan.

"And for such a _long _time," stated Bakura, much to Ryou's annoyance.

"I'm actually surprised you can stay _up _that long," commented Marik.

Now, Joey was confused. Just what the hell were they—his eyes widened in shock. No. They couldn't have! It was impossible!

"Don't listen to them, Joey. They're just jealous that Seto can keep you satisfied for so _long_," Yugi said—yes, the _innocent _Yugi—ultimately shutting everyone up. All the Yamis looked both appalled and embarrassed by this accusation.

"Oh…my…God…YOU HEARD ME?" Joey exclaimed. He rounded on Seto and started throwing things at him. "You told me your room was soundproof, you asshole! You lied to me!"

"Puppy! Puppy, stop! I was telling you the truth! My room _is _soundproof!" the brunet stammered in response as he ducked and dodged the breakfast items being thrown his way.

"THEN HOW DID THEY HEAR ME?"

Seto was at a loss for an explanation. "Maybe…you're…just that…loud?" he offered in answer.

The blond paled. He'd been so loud that he was able to break through the soundproofing? That was…

"We're not having sex again until your room is fixed with new soundproofing!" Joey snapped.

"You…can't be serious!" Seto had an expression on his face that looked like his company had just been blown up. "Puppy—"

"Not a moment sooner!"

"But Puppy!"

* * *

**Author's Note – This one was just wrong…**

**Please Review!**


	28. Nightmare

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – Seto's been having nightmares lately. Yeah…

* * *

**Nightmare 1 (Rated K+)**

The warm breeze blew gently in the meadow. Wildflowers splashed the landscape with vibrant colors, their luxuriant displays carpeting the earth in a blanket of delicate beauty.

Songbirds fluttered happily in the air, while other forms of wildlife made themselves known. Rabbits poked their heads above the tall grasses, deer wandered the edges of the meadow, and—

Yami sat in the middle of the meadow, animals dancing around him as he wore one of those princess dresses from some Disney movie. His face looked quite chibi-like and he blinked cutely. Raising his hand, a small bird landed on it, chirping merrily.

After a few seconds, the bird flew away. Yami smiled sweetly and opened his mouth to sing.

* * *

"AAH!" Seto screamed, shooting up in bed. He let out his breath shakily, completely unnerved by the horrid nightmare he'd had about Yami. It sent chills down his spine.

"Mm? Seto? What's wrong?" Joey asked sleepily, staring perturbed at his trembling lover.

The brunet balked. He couldn't tell his Puppy about the stupid dream he'd just had. He'd laugh his ass off. "I…had a nightmare."

Looking up at him in concern, the blond pulled Seto back down and snuggled up next to him, stroking his face comfortingly. "Well, everything's okay now," he said, kissing the brunet softly on the lips.

Seto relaxed under the attention he was receiving. Maybe he should have nightmares more often. They seemed to do wonders for his love life.

* * *

**Author's Note – I had to get this out of brain. Now that it's out, I hope you enjoyed it.**

**Please Review!**


	29. Nightmare II

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – This one's for you, **Reiz.**

* * *

**Nightmare 2 (Rated M)**

Seto had to admit, he was quite shocked when his Puppy suddenly crawled on top of him in bed and started nibbling at his neck, running his hands up his sides in a sensual manner. It was quite unlike the blond to be so feisty…sexually, that is. And to initiate it himself was even better. The brunet smirked. He was going to pound him into—

Wait. Something was wrong. He wasn't horny. Why wasn't he horny?

Panicking, Seto grabbed Joey's hands and moved them down to his groin. His Puppy smiled and began stroking him there.

But the brunet still wasn't getting aroused! He should be as hard as a fucking rock by now! Why couldn't he—

"Seto?" Joey's confused voice drew him from his anxious thoughts. Seto noticed tears forming in the blond's eyes. "Why aren't ya…gettin'…" He paused, the tears escaping his eyes. "Do I not please ya anymore?"

"What? Puppy! You please me just fine! I just…I can't…I don't know what's wrong!" Seto insisted. He wasn't even getting so much as a twitch down there.

"I know what's wrong," Joey cried. "It's me. So I, uh…guess things are over…between us?"

"No! Absolutely not!" protested the brunet. He watched in horror as his Puppy slid off the bed and made for the door.

"Goodbye, Seto," he said before leaving.

"NO!" Seto roared, bolting up in bed.

* * *

Joey immediately flung up to the sound of his lover's voice, ready to attack whoever had made him scream. But seeing that no one was…well…attacking, he turned his gaze to the panting brunet.

"What's wrong, Seto? Ya okay?"

The blond was answered by having his hands grabbed and forcefully rubbed against the brunet's crotch. "What the hell are ya doin'?" Joey squealed as he felt his lover get extremely hard beneath his fingers.

Seto groaned in relief, pushing Joey onto his back before pinning him to the bed. He ground their groins together in a delightful manner, the blond moaning even though he was embarrassed by the brunet's sudden arousal.

"I had such a horrible nightmare, Puppy. And now I'm making up for it."

Joey flinched when his clothes were suddenly torn from his body. At this rate, he wasn't going to be able to walk for a week…let alone leave the bed.

* * *

**Author's Note – I hope you guys liked this one. I know I enjoyed writing it.**

**Please Review!**


	30. Master Debating

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – This one's for you, **Yugi16dm.**

**

* * *

**

**Master Debating (Rated T)**

"Seto? What's master debating?" Mokuba asked innocently.

Joey nearly choked on the soda he was drinking. That had totally sounded like something else.

The brunet's hands froze, his fingers hovering above the keys of his laptop. Raising his head, he stared at his younger brother, confusion and uneasiness in his eyes. "What?"

"In class today, our teacher said that we're at that age where our parents should teach us about master debating. It's for health, you know. So what is it?" the small boy continued.

The blond actually choked on his soda this time. He nearly sprayed it across the room, too. When he overcame his shock, his eyes traveled to the brunet. Joey was quite interested to see how Seto would handle this.

Seto opened his mouth a few times to speak, but no words came out. He huffed and stared at Mokuba for a moment before he was able to form a coherent sentence. "I think you misheard your teacher."

The small boy frowned. "I did?"

"Yes," Seto deadpanned. "It's not called master debating."

"Then what is it?"

"It's…" The brunet couldn't believe he had to say this out loud. And to his _brother _of all people! "It's…masturbating." And then he didn't know how to continue.

"Oh, is that all? I know about that already. Thanks anyway, Seto," said Mokuba as he left the room. Seto and Joey stared after him in shock.

"He's…only ten. How the hell does he know about masturbatin' already? Did ya tell him about this stuff before?" Joey asked, shock written on his features.

"No." Seto's response was quiet, his eyes slowly widening. How _did _his little brother know about masturbating? "Mokuba!"

Joey watched in partial amusement as Seto suddenly raced after the little guy. This was going to be interesting. And he wasn't going to miss an opportunity to see his lover struggle through a conversation about sex ed.

* * *

**Author's Note – Family time can be so fun, can't it?**

**Please Review!**


	31. Slim Jims

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – This is for my dear friend, Demi-Chan. Happy Birthday!

* * *

**Slim-Jims (Rated M)**

Something must have _really_ hated him right now. Like really, _really _hated him. What the hell had he done to deserve this kind of torturous treatment? It was unheard of! Cruel! Abominable! Absolutely, utterly _sinful_!

So much so, that it should be outlawed.

HOW THE FUCK DID HIS PUPPY MAKE EATING A SLIM-JIM LOOK SO DOWNRIGHT SEXY?

At first…it had started out small. The blond had carefully opened the packaged Slim-Jim and gently pulled the wrapped all the way down before discarding it onto the table. Next, he'd placed the tip to his lips and swirled his tongue around it before nipping at it softly.

That was the moment Seto had felt a little bit of blood trickling from his nose. It wasn't like he was sex deprived or anything; he was just a pervert. The brunet blanched. That…made him sound horrible. Maybe inappropriate was a better term.

He watched Joey twirl the Slim-Jim in his mouth before pushing more of it into his hot, wet cavern.

Oh, who the hell was he kidding! He _was_ a pervert! Only _he _would get turned on by his Puppy eating a fucking Slim-Jim!

Seto inwardly started crying at the discomfort in his nether regions. He just knew Joey wouldn't be happy about him slamming the unsuspecting blond onto the table and ravishing him to no end…and perhaps a little more. But could he help it that his Puppy was that sexy? It was like his aura screamed 'Fuck Me' or something!

Joey finished the rest of his Slim-Jim and glanced over at Seto, a smirk on his face. He could see the obvious distress on the brunet's face and the erection he desperately tried to hide. All was going according to plan.

Giving a mental sigh of relief, Seto watched as Joey rose from his seat. "You're done," he muttered under his breath.

"What was that?" Joey asked, approaching him.

"You finished your Slim-Jim," Seto stated.

"Did I?"

"Yes," the brunet replied slowly.

"Because I could have sworn I had one more left." Before Seto even knew what was happening, Joey showed him _exactly_ what he'd done to that Slim-Jim.

He was one lucky, perverted bastard…and Seto found that he couldn't really complain about that.

* * *

**Author's Note – My mind has become the gutter.**


	32. Feel My Pain

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – Feel my pain, people!

* * *

**Feel My Pain (Rated T)**

Seto, Joey and Mokuba watched as Serenity trudged down the stairs that morning looking like hell itself. Her face was grim, her eyes hard and cold, and her body as stiff and as rigid as any board. There was no sign of the peaceful young girl residing in any of her features.

"Are…you okay, Serenity?" Joey asked hesitantly. He wanted to jump into Seto's arms for protection when she threw him a glare that would send anyone running.

"Do I look okay?" she snapped, easing herself into a chair before she glared at the kitchen table. "I need you to go to the store and get me some Midol. Now."

_That's _why she looked like the living dead? Joey suddenly found himself relaxing. It was just her time of the month. "Okay. I'll pick some up later."

"No. Now," she growled in a deadly voice.

The blond resisted rolling his eyes. "Come on. It's not that bad. You can wait, can't you?"

With a speed unbeknownst to anyone, Serenity had flown from her seat and slammed her brother against the wall. "What was that?"

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!"

"Let me put this in perspective for you," Serenity started, looking absolutely malicious. "Imagine someone takes your precious family jewels and shoves them inside your body. Now, imagine that a pair or sharp claws reach inside you, tearing the inside of your lower body to shreds, blood and tissue seeping from you with no way of stopping it. And now that you're in that state, imagine that those same claws have taken those family jewels and ripping them from your body!"

Note to self: _Never _piss off Serenity when she was on her period.

"Now go get me some damn Midol!"

They fled, all wanting to get away from her in case she did something…_else _to show how ticked off she really was.

In Mokuba's mind, he planned to stay over at a friend's until the girl's cycle was over; he just felt safer that way.

Joey, on the other hand, was planning on bringing home more than just Midol. Like chocolate and other little things that might appease his sister.

Seto, however, had a very different idea in mind. It would take a while to convince both Joey and Serenity, but with how she'd acted today, the brunet couldn't help but think what a fine addition she'd make to Kaiba Corp. But whether it was as a future lawyer or vice president, he wasn't quite sure yet.

Only time would tell.

* * *

**Author's Note – I'm over the 'feel my pain' moment now.**

**Please Reivew!**


	33. Shrine

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – The idea for this was sort of created when **Reizbar-Ookami** were PM-ing about Seto and Joey. Enjoy!

* * *

**Shrine (Rated T)**

Joey smiled happily as he set his bags down in Seto's room. No, _their_ room. The brunet had finally asked him to move in with him, but little did he know at the time that Seto had meant his room and not just the mansion.

Taking in his surroundings, the blond wandered over to the closet, its doors shut. This only drew him closer. He'd finally be able to look through his boyfriend's things! And he wouldn't even get in trouble for it!

Opening the closet doors, he realized it was a walk-in. And by the looks of it, the room seemed to be about as big as his original bedroom had been. His hand feeling up the wall, his fingers made contact with the light switch. Turning it on, he searched through the closet with interest.

It was filled with many trench coats, boots, and all the typical Kaiba-wear. Geez, didn't he ever wear anything different? Joey would have to change that.

As he crept further into the closet, he noticed something hidden behind a row of…more trench coats. Pushing them off to the side, his eyes met quite a peculiar sight. And when he finally realized what he was looking at, a glare crossed his features.

It was a shrine.

A shrine…of _himself_!

There was a small table in the back of the closet laden with a golden tablecloth. In the middle of the table rested a solid gold puppy statue with numerous pictures of the blond scattered all around it. Some were even _nude _pictures. There were candles, a lock of his hair, and other such personal items that had once been his. And they were all in his fucking boyfriend's closet! Just how the hell had he gotten all this stuff anyway?

Joey left the closet and slammed the doors shut, just in time to see Seto come into the room with the rest of his belongings.

"You!" the blond shouted, glaring at the now startled brunet.

"Me…what?" Seto wasn't sure what was going on. His Puppy had been so happy earlier and now…he was pissed?

"I…I can't believe you! You! Of all people! Why?"

Now, Seto was confused. Just what was he—oh! The brunet's eyes widened. Apparently, in his excitement about Joey moving in, he'd forgotten about his little…obsession in the back of his closet.

"Puppy, I can explain."

"Oh, you can? Then would you care to tell me why you have a fucking Puppy Shrine in the back of your closet?" the blond roared.

"Because…I…love you?" What else could he say?

"Was that a question?"

"No! I mean, yes. Well, it sounded like one, but I didn't mean it that way. I was just trying to explain! You caught me off guard and I don't even know what the hell I'm saying right now!"

"Until you do, I'll just be moving into a guest room," said Joey finally as he made to leave.

Seto planted himself in the doorway, refusing to let him leave. "Don't go. I promise I'll get rid of everything back there. Just don't go."

Joey stared at him for a full minute, as if he were trying to find the truth to his words. "Fine. But I want it all gone. And burn it, too. All of it."

Nodding mutely, the brunet wandered over toward the closet to begin taking down the shrine while Joey headed for the bathroom.

"What the fuck is this?" the blond screeched.

Seto felt his blood run cold. He'd forgotten about the life-size poster of his Puppy in the shower.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU FUCKING BASTARD!"

* * *

**Author's Note – Poor, Seto. Who feels sorry for him? Lol.**

**Please Review!**


	34. Pillow Talk

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – This is for my dear friend, Ero-Chan. Happy Birthday!

* * *

**Pillow Talk (Rated T)**

Joey's eyes shot open. Carefully turning his head, he gaped at Seto's sleeping form. Did he just…talk in his sleep?

"Mmm…marshmallow puppy," mumbled the brunet, tightly hugging a pillow.

The blond's jaw dropped further. He _was _talking in his sleep!

"Hee…hee hee," Seto started, the slow chuckle passing by his lips. "Puppy's face is all…sticky."

Sticky? Sticky from what?

"Let me lick it…hm…mm…puppy tastes good."

Wait! Was Seto having a perverted dream about him? While they were in bed together? What was _wrong_ with his lover? Joey was about to give him a piece of his mind when he suddenly heard Seto whimper. And was he…whining?

"Mn…no! Want…marshmallow puppy," the brunet trailed off as he wrapped his legs around the pillow he was currently squeezing. He then nuzzled the pillow and—

_Whap!_

Seto jolted awake when he felt something hit him in the face. Flailing desperately against the sheets, he shot up in bed…where he came face to face with a very disgruntled blond. Clutched in his lover's hands was a pillow.

Then it all came together.

"Why'd you hit me with a pillow?" Seto deadpanned.

Joey huffed and readied his weapon again. "Ya were doin' weird things in your sleep."

"Weird things?" the brunet repeated, eyebrow raised in disbelief. "I doubt that."

"Ya were talkin' about marshmallow puppies! How is that not weird?"

Come to think of it, Seto did remember something about marshmallows…vaguely. But he wasn't going to tell _him _that. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Joey stared at him, appalled. "But ya were startin' to make out with your pillow!" he exclaimed, whacking Seto again. "Perverted asshole!"

"Puppy! Stop!" the brunet yelled, trying to stop the incoming blows. "I can't control what I do in my sleep, sticky face and all!"

The blond ceased his onslaught and looked thoughtful for a moment before his gaze hardened. "I never said anythin' about a sticky face, Seto," he ground out.

Shit!

"Puppy, I can explain!" the brunet started hurriedly, hoping to make a getaway.

"Ya lyin' bastard! What other dreams have ya had without tellin' me?" Joey roared, hitting him mercilessly with the innocent pillow.

Seto scrambled from the room, the blond hot on his heels. He just hoped that next time it wouldn't be a dream of a naughtier nature. If that happened…his Puppy would do worse than hit him with a pillow.

* * *

**Author's Note – I was not on something when I wrote this.**


	35. Spooning

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – This is for everyone who is as oblivious as Seto.

* * *

**Spooning (Rated T)**

Joey was bored. So bored, that he'd made a paperclip necklace, played hacky sack with crumpled up post-its, and had learned how to juggle pens within an hour's time. He was pleasantly surprised that he hadn't annoyed Seto to the point of no return, but since they were in his study at the mansion, the blond figured that his boyfriend was too 'in the zone' to really care what he did.

Which brought him back to the number one issue at hand: boredom.

There was only so much he could do to amuse himself. And it wasn't like Seto's desk was full of neat little toys to keep him occupied with. He wondered if the brunet was as bored as he was right now. There was only one way to find out.

"Aren't ya done yet?" Joey asked, his voice on the verge of an irritating whine.

Seto cringed at the tone. He might as well finish up and keep the blond entertained. If he worked any more, the brunet might find Joey in his lap rather than in the chair across from him. Saving the information on his laptop, he shut it, and turned to face the blond.

"Done," he stated.

"Yes!" Joey cried, jumping from his seat.

Crossing his arms, Seto resisted the urge to smile at how excited that had made him. "Did you want to do something?"

The blond's joy suddenly came to a halt when asked this question. His one and only goal had been to get his boyfriend to stop working. He didn't think about what to do afterward.

"Um…"

Seto shook his head. "All that whining and you don't even know what you want to do?"

Joey started to fidget. He had to think of something fast; otherwise, Seto might go back to working again. And he just couldn't take the boredom anymore!

"Wanna spoon?" Joey blurted.

A strange look made its way onto Seto's face. "Spoon?" he echoed.

The blond nodded vigorously.

"I…don't need a spoon," the brunet finally answered, unsure as to why his boyfriend would ask him such a thing out of the blue.

Suddenly, Joey burst into a fit of laughter.

"What's so funny?" Seto demanded, glaring heatedly at the blond.

"Ya don't know what spoonin' is?" he chuckled hysterically.

Spooning? He hadn't even heard the damn term until now. What the hell was it? "So what if I don't!"

"Oh, this is too much," Joey said, his laughter subsiding. Taking Seto's hand, he gradually led him out of his study. "I can't wait to show ya."

* * *

"I think I like spooning," Seto mumbled into Joey's neck as he got himself as close to his boyfriend as possible.

"I told ya so," the blond replied with a triumphant smile.

The brunet never would have thought that spooning was actually a cuddling position. And not being one for cuddling, this was a bit different. It was more like…a kind of hugging, but both people faced the same direction and lay on their sides. It was...intimate. He could get used to this.

* * *

**Author's Note – I feel like I just gave a tutorial for spooning.**


	36. Sporking

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – This is the sequel to Spooning.

* * *

**Sporking (Rated M)**

Seto sighed contentedly, comforted in the fact that he could do something as simple as spooning and it made his Puppy happy. And it was so easy, too. Not to mention that he was proud to be able to do something _non-sexual_ with the blond for once.

_Shit_, Seto hissed inside his head. Of all the times to get a boner, it had to be now?

Moving slightly so as not to disturb his Puppy, the brunet eased his pelvis—where a prominent erection was already starting to make itself known—away from his lover. If Joey felt it now, he'd be a goner.

"Seto?" Joey called out, suspicion lacing his voice.

Too late.

The brunet cleared his throat. "Yes, Puppy?" he responded a little too quickly.

"Why are ya movin' away?"

Seto's eyes widened momentarily. Joey hadn't felt it! He was still in the clear! "I'm just a little…hot." _That's the understatement of the year._

"Hot, huh?" replied the blond, peeking at him over his shoulder. "So it has nothin' to do with the little party ya got goin' on down there?"

Busted!

Scrambling away, Seto exclaimed, "I'll have you know, there is nothing _little _at all going on _down there_!"

Joey chuckled and sat up on the bed. "I didn't mean it like that. Come back, Seto."

"No," the brunet replied immediately. "You wanted to spoon and I am in no condition to do anything of the sort."

Sauntering over to the blushing brunet, Joey wrapped his arms behind Seto's neck and kissed him gently on the lips. "I don't mind," he whispered in his ear.

"Are you serious?" Seto deadpanned.

Joey nodded. "Yeah. Come on," he said, leading the brunet back to the bed.

As the blond lay down, he beckoned for Seto to come up behind him. The brunet grudgingly settled behind the blond, but wasn't as close as Joey wanted him to be.

"Seto, ya gotta get closer. Like we're spoonin', okay?"

"But—"

"Just do it."

Grumbling to himself, the brunet pushed his body flush up against Joey's and tensed. He could feel his erection pounding, the heat intensifying as he felt himself press even further against the blond's ass.

Joey giggled.

"This isn't funny," Seto snapped quietly.

"I like it, though."

"But this isn't spooning."

"Nope. It's sporkin'."

"Sporking? How the hell do you come up with these things?"

"That's just it. I don't. And if ya shut up, I just might show ya what sporkin' leads to."

Seto didn't have to hear that twice.

* * *

**Author's Note – Did you like it?**


	37. Forking

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – The sequel to Sporking.

* * *

**Forking (Rated M)**

Seto stifled another groan and went for sighing heavily instead. This whole sporking thing was good and all, but fuck! He couldn't take it anymore!

"Puppy, I love you, but I'm at my limit," the brunet stated hoarsely. At this, Joey just seemed to rub against him even more, taunting him.

"Then do somethin' about it," the blond replied seductively.

"Fine."

"Where are ya goin'?"

"To take a shower."

Joey stared at him blankly before responding. "Why?"

"You told me to do something about it, so I am," Seto grumbled.

The blond growled. "Sometimes ya can be a real idiot, ya know that?"

"Yeah, that's me. The oblivious idiot who knows nothing about simple pleasures," he spat. "You teach me spooning and sporking, but I can't last very long in either of those scenarios. I just want to—"

"—fuck me?"

"Yes! I mean, no! Well, _I_ do, but I know that you don't always want to—"

"No, Seto. Ya misunderstood me. I want ya to fuck me," said Joey, staring up at his lover with lustful eyes.

"…right now?" Seto responded after a moment's pause.

The blond nodded eagerly. "And I can teach ya somethin' new in the process."

"If this is some other kind of cuddling thing, you can count me out."

"I wanna try forkin' with ya," stated Joey.

"Forking?"

"Uh huh."

"And this involves actual sex?"

"Yes."

"Actual _intercourse_ sex?"

"Would ya just get back on the damn bed already?" Joey snapped at him. "And take your clothes off while you're at it."

Seto didn't move. "Is your being demanding part of this forking thing? Because if it is, I don't like it."

"I'll introduce ya to a fork if ya don't get your ass over here!"

Since Seto really didn't want to be assaulted by utensils of any kind, he promptly discarded his clothes and headed for the bed, where he Puppy was already nude.

"Now what?"

"Don't sound too enthusiastic, ya bastard," Joey grumbled. "Get up behind me like ya would when we're spoonin'."

"You said this would involve sex."

"It does! Geez, ain't ya got any patience?"

"I lost it the day I met you." When Seto was met with a heated glare, he changed his tune. "Anyway, shall we continue, Puppy?"

"Just get behind me," Joey continued as he lay on his side. "And don't worry about preppin' me. I…kinda did it myself already today."

"Let me get this straight," Seto started, finally understanding what it was that Joey was asking him to do. "You want me to fuck you in the position used for spooning?"

"Yes! Now would ya shut up and—_ah_!" The blond cried out when Seto suddenly rammed into him. "That's it! _Uhn_! Ya got it!"

Seto continued to thrust into him at a merciless pace. "Why didn't—_ah_—we just do this in—_shit_—the first place?"

"Cuz I—_oh_—wanted to work ya up first!"

"Well, you succeeded!" Seto grunted.

After a while, all their pent up sexual energy finally burst, leaving them breathless and panting.

"Ya see?" Joey began breathlessly. "Now we're back to spoonin'."

"Yes. It's a never ending cycle."

"You're at the sporkin' stage already?" the blond exclaimed. "But we just—"

"I'll have you know that this is all your fault," Seto smirked as he began the next round of the forking stage.

* * *

**Author's Note – I feel dirty.**


	38. Scissoring

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – This is…just random…and I dedicate it to **Reizbar-Ookami**.

* * *

**Scissoring (Rated M)**

Joey panted under Seto's careful ministrations. They hadn't had sex before, but if they continued at this rate, it was _going _to happen. His boyfriend just had a way of pushing all rational thought from his mind. Not that the blond minded.

"I want you so badly," the brunet whispered in his ear. "I want to stick my fingers inside you and fill you up so much that you want even more."

"Yes," Joey sighed as Seto sucked on his neck. "Stick them in me."

"And then I'll scissor you…over and over again until you're ready for something _much _bigger," his boyfriend continued.

The blond's eyes widened as rational thought came back to him as if he were struck by lightning. "Scissor me?"

Seto looked back up at him and smirked. "Scissoring you will be so much fun. I can't wait to see the look on your face when I do it."

At this, the blond scrambled away from him. "Ya ain't comin' anywhere near me with scissors!" he proclaimed.

"Huh?" responded Seto. "What're you—I wasn't talking about _real _scissors!"

"Then what did ya mean?" Joey exclaimed, obviously distressed.

"By _scissoring_, I meant that after I stick my fingers inside of you, I'll spread them apart so that I can stretch you. That's called scissoring," explained the brunet.

"Oh," replied Joey quietly. "So ya ain't stickin' scissors in me?"

"No. I'm not sticking scissors in you."

"Okay."

An awkward silence passed between them.

"You're such an idiot sometimes," said Seto, staring at him intently.

"But ya love me anyway, right?" Joey was met with silence. "Right?"

"Right. Sorry, I was just thinking."

Another awkward silence passed between them.

"I still can't get over the fact that you actually thought I'd use scissors," stated Seto.

"Shut up!"

* * *

**Author's Note – I told you it was random.**


	39. Practice

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – **Tiers** and **Reizbar-Ookami** assisted in the creation of this drabble. So blame them for the nightmares you are about to have. I know I do.

* * *

**Practice (Rated M)**

Seto paced the bedroom floor anxiously. How could Joey ask him something like that? He wanted to top him? _Him_? The one and only _Seto Kaiba_?

Sure, the brunet would be the one thrusting into the blond, but still. That left the blond riding on top of him and that was something he was unsure of doing. It meant that he'd be relinquishing the control he so desperately needed. Joey wasn't the only insecure one around here.

Flopping onto the bed, Seto grabbed the large teddy bear—dubbed Pookie by Joey himself—and brought it to his chest. Subconsciously strangling the stuffed animal, the brunet struggled with the idea of doing as Joey had asked. But what if he couldn't?

He wrung the neck of the teddy bear one last time and tossed it against the headboard as he stared up at the ceiling. Numerous thoughts swirled around his mind before one particular idea surfaced. Practice always made perfect, didn't it? So why not give it a shot?

* * *

Joey froze when he heard moans and grunts coming from his and Seto's bedroom. Was his lover…masturbating? But he _never _masturbated. Well, not with the blond being aware of it, that is.

Opening the door as quietly as he could, Joey stepped in, his jaw dropping immediately in absolute shock. "What the hell are ya doin'?" the blond screeched, slamming the bedroom door behind him.

Seto, not accustomed to being startled while masturbating, flew off the bed in all his naked glory, Joey's teddy bear, Pookie, his only source of covering.

"You're home," Seto mumbled, his face in flames.

Joey's mouth opened several times, but no words came out.

"Do you mind if I…put something on?" the brunet questioned when the blond still couldn't speak.

"No way! You're gonna stay right there!" Joey screamed, snatching Pookie away from him.

Seto desperately made for a bed sheet, but the blond's hard gaze kept him rooted to his spot. So, suffice it to say that his hands became a shield.

"What the hell were ya doin' to Pookie?" Joey demanded, inspecting his teddy bear. When he discovered a hole in the center of the stuffed animal's crotch area, he glared at the skittish brunet. "Ya fucked my teddy bear?"

"It's not what you think," Seto stammered. "I was just…just..."

"Just what? Bein' a plushophile?"

"A…plushophile?" the brunet echoed, his voice dropping. It sounded so bad when Joey put it that way. What the hell had he been thinking?

"Ya violated my teddy bear, didn't ya? I can't believe ya!" Joey exclaimed. "What were ya thinkin'? Were ya even thinkin' at all?" Just what kind of sick, twisted bastard was he dating?

"I just wanted to practice," Seto blurted.

That got Joey's attention. "Practice? For what? Rapin' the store's toy section?"

"No!" the brunet cried. "Iwaspracticingbeingthebottom."

"Huh?" The blond's face took on a look of confusion.

"I was…practicing being the bottom," he said again, slower this time. "You said you wanted to be top and I wasn't sure if I'd be able to let you do that, so I…I was practicing."

"With Pookie?"

"Yes. With Pookie." Seto looked like he'd rather die than go through this embarrassment.

Joey tossed the teddy bear back to him. "Ya wanna practice so bad, go ahead."

"What?"

"I want ya to do it in front of me."

"You…want to watch me…masturbate with Pookie?" Seto asked, the color draining from his face.

"Yep," Joey said, crossing his arms. "Now get on the bed and do it."

"You're serious?"

"Do it or Pookie'll be the _only _action ya see for the next six months."

Seto slowly shuffled over to the bed and lay down on his back. He shakily grabbed his currently limp erection and began stroking it to harden himself. Once he'd succeeded in doing that, he chanced a glance at Joey before placing himself inside of the teddy bear. Squeezing his eyes shut, he prayed that all of this humiliation would end soon.

Suddenly, the teddy bear was thrown off his body, only to be replaced by a very naked and very excited blond.

Slamming himself down onto Seto's hardened member, Joey whispered, "I don't want Pookie to have all the fun."

Seto yelped as he found _himself_ being the one forced down into the mattress and not the other way around. Perhaps being a plushophile wasn't that bad after all.

* * *

**Author's Note – Tiers! Reiz! I love you both!**


	40. Lollipop

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – And we're still doing sex drabbles.

**

* * *

**

**Lollipop (Rated M)**

Why couldn't he find it? He'd looked everywhere! Here he was, all hot and bothered, and he couldn't find his damn vibrator!

Joey ripped open the drawer to the nightstand once more, searching through all the playthings he and Seto used for their…nightly escapades. Shuffling through it viciously, he found everything else known to man except for his fucking vibrator! It wasn't like he left the room with the stupid thing.

And to make matters worse, Seto was at a board meeting. A very long and boring—and did he mention long—board meeting. He wouldn't be home for hours.

"I swear, I'm gonna buy a shitload of these damn things if I don't find it in the next five seconds!" the blond swore at the nightstand. Still not finding it, his hand momentarily hovered over something else that he could use as a substitute. Sure, it had been a gag gift at the time, but what happened in the bedroom, stayed in the bedroom.

* * *

Seto trudged up the stairs in the mansion. All he wanted to do was collapse on his bed, his lover in his arms, and go to sleep. Opening his bedroom door in order to do just that, he halted, his briefcase slipping from his fingers and clattering to the floor.

There, spread out on the bed, was his Puppy, masturbating with—

"What the hell is that?" Seto deadpanned.

"Seto?" Joey gasped, quickly trying to hide his substitute sex toy from the puzzled brunet. "It's nothin'! Um, how was your day?"

"Don't change the subject," stated the brunet as he made his way toward the bed. Once there, he struggled with Joey for a moment before he pried the object from the blond's fingers.

"Seto! It's—I couldn't find my vibrator, so I used that," he hastily explained.

"Your vibrator's on top of the nightstand," Seto commented absentmindedly as he examined the object in his hands. "Is this a penis shaped lollipop?"

"Yeah."

"And you were using this on yourself?"

"Y-Yeah."

Seto eyed the lollipop then looked back at Joey. "Lay down."

"What?"

"Just lay down. I want to know what it tastes like."

"What do ya mean—Seto!" The blond shrieked when he suddenly found the brunet's tongue thrusting into him, filling every space he could possibly get. "Oh, Seto. No!"

Pulling away, the brunet licked his lips and stared back up at Joey. "Margaritas. Do they come in coffee?"

"They only make the lollipops in alcoholic flavors. And you're not gettin' any to use on me either!" the blond protested.

"Hn. They should make them in coffee." Seto paused, looking contemplative.

"Whatever you're thinkin', it's a no," Joey stated firmly.

"I'm going to get some coffee," said the brunet, rising from the bed.

"What? Why?"

"So I can dip that lollipop in the it and shove it back in you. I think you'll taste _extremely_ good after I do that."

"Oh, fuck no!"

* * *

**Author's Note – This one is all Tiers' fault. Her and her damn lollipop and eggnog.**


	41. Golden Showers

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – This one is disturbing, but if you're into this kind of thing…please don't tell me.

* * *

**Golden Showers (Rated M)**

"You're home earlier," started Seto as he heard the door slam. "Did you have a—Puppy, what's wrong?"

Joey approached him, looking deathly pale. "That's it. I'm not hangin' out with my friends anymore."

Well, this was interesting. "And what brought this on?" urged the brunet. Although concerned, he was a bit intrigued as to what would have made the blond declare such a thing.

"Marik and Malik got to talkin' about their sex life. And…it was _awful_, Seto! How can people actually _do_ stuff like that?" he exclaimed.

"Do what…exactly?" Seto responded, not sure if he actually wanted to know or not.

"They do the golden shower thing!" screeched Joey as he started moving about hysterically.

"Golden shower thing?"

"Yeah!"

"And…you're not into that kind of thing?"

"Of course not!" the blond yelled at him. Then his face lost color again. "Are ya sayin' ya do? What kinda sick and twisted freak are ya?"

"Huh?" Seto responded, his face contorting into one of confusion. He didn't even know what a golden shower was let alone if he was into it or not! "I don't even know what the fuck it is!"

"Oh," Joey replied, his face reddening in embarrassment. "Sorry I jumped to conclusions."

"Whatever," the brunet mumbled. "What is it anyway?"

"Golden showers?"

"Yes."

"It's…uh…when someone urinates on another person for…sexual satisfaction. Sometimes in the mouth, too," Joey answered slowly.

"Are you serious?" Seto exclaimed, his expression showing nothing but disgust.

"Well, that ain't as bad as golden baths."

Did he even want to know? "And those are?"

"It's kinda when two people have…anal sex and one person urinates inside the other one."

Seto sure did know how to set himself up for disaster. A trip to the therapist was definitely in order now. Perhaps for Joey, too. "You are _never_ going out with your friends again."

* * *

**Author's Note – Even though this is completely disgusting—in my opinion—I felt that you guys should know what these were just in case you come across someone who mentions them.**

**My work here is done. Let the therapy begin.**


	42. Chicken Suit

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – This one isn't traumatizing! At least…I don't think it is.

* * *

**Chicken Suit (Rated M)**

"Okay, Joey," started Yami, "if you spell this word wrong, you lose the bet."

"Ha! I can spell anythin'!" the blond gloated as he crossed his arms. Joey and the gang were currently residing in the Game Shop. Not much was going on today, so they'd opted to play a spelling game. The first person to misspell a word would have to do a dare.

"All right," Yami smirked. "Spell 'knight'."

"That's easy. N-I-G-H-T," spelled the blond.

"Wrong."

"What do ya mean wrong?" Joey exclaimed. "That's exactly how ya spell it!"

"I was looking for K-N-I-G-H-T," elaborated Yami. "So it looks like you've lost the bet."

"That ain't fair! Ya didn't tell me it was that one!"

"You didn't ask."

Joey was about to continue arguing when the bell to the door went off, signaling someone entering the shop. It was Seto.

"Puppy, are you ready to go?" the brunet asked, ignoring everyone else. He'd been thinking about the blond _all _day. All he wanted to do was throw him down on any surface and—

"Seto! I lost a bet!" whined Joey.

The brunet's eye twitched. If his Puppy losing a bet meant that his evening plans were ruined, there would be hell to pay. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah! Now I gotta—"

"I'll tell you what, Joey. If Kaiba can spell a word I give him correctly, you're free to go and you won't have to complete the dare," said Yami. "However, if Kaiba gets it wrong, he'll be joining you."

"Fine," Seto conceded. He'd do anything if it meant getting his Puppy out of here. "What's the word?"

"Spell 'sects'."

"S-E-X. Now let's go, Puppy," stated the brunet, beckoning the blond over to him.

"Wrong," Yami said with a smirk. His eyes lit up with excitement.

"Oh, Yami," Yugi mumbled in the background. This would only inflate his lover's ego even more. Pretty soon, Yami wouldn't be able to walk through the door; his ego was getting _that _big.

"I am not wrong," growled Seto. "Now if you'll excuse us—"

"You should have spelled it S-E-C-T-S," interrupted Yami.

Seto's eyes narrowed. "You never specified which word I was supposed to spell."

"Being as intelligent as you are, I would have expected you to ask for clarification," retaliated Yami.

The brunet was about to respond, but Joey cut him off. "Ya really do have your mind in the gutter all day, don't ya?"

"What do you mean?" Seto asked, looking perturbed. Was it that obvious?

"Never mind. Let's just get this stupid dare over with so we can go home," Joey grumbled.

Yami grinned. This was going to be fun.

* * *

"I hate ya, Yami," Joey snapped as he reentered the front of the Game Shop. He was dressed as a chicken. "How long do I gotta look like this?"

"Until I'm satisfied," replied Yami. "Now where's Kaiba?"

"I'm going to kill you for this," warned Seto as he also reentered the front of the Game Shop. He, however, was dressed as a cow—complete with a set of his very own udders.

Yami burst out laughing. "Can you moo for us, Kaiba?"

"I'm not mooing and that's final," he stated firmly. "Now that you've had your fun, there's something I'd really rather be doing. Or rather, _someone_."

Joey's jaw dropped. "I'm dressed as a fuckin' chicken! How can ya still be horny?"

"That's just it. You're a _fucking_ chicken," Seto smirked.

"You're not even sexy right now! Ya got udders for cryin' out loud!" the blond yelled, trying to deter the brunet's thoughts from sex.

"I'm pretty sure I can find a use for them," he continued, his smirk intensifying.

"What the hell? Do ya got barnyard fetishes now or somethin'?"

"Barnyard fetishes?"

"Yeah! And what the fuck is it with ya and animals, anyway, ya bestial bastard?"

"Bestial bastard?" Seto sputtered.

Yugi and Yami looked at each other while Seto and Joey continued to argue.

"You're just as sick as Kaiba sometimes. You know that, right?" stated Yugi.

"Huh? What do you mean?" inquired Yami, the livid grin on his face vanishing.

"I mean, what were you even doing with a chicken suit and a cow suit in the first place?"

* * *

**Author's Note – What kind of freaky shit is Yami into?**


	43. Groceries

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – This is based on a true story!

* * *

**Groceries (Rated T)**

"Ow!" Joey yelped. The shopping cart he'd been pushing was now capturing all the falling apples from the fruit stand.

Spinning on his heels, he rubbed the back of his throbbing head and glared mercilessly at his boyfriend, who was brandishing a coconut.

"What the fuck? Did ya just hit me with a coconut?" the blond screeched.

"Yes," Seto answered matter-of-factly.

"Why?"

"Because I've always wanted to hit you in the head with a coconut."

Joey hardened his gaze.

"Ow! What the hell, Puppy?" screeched Seto, who was now rubbing his tender head.

"What? I've always wanted to hit ya in the head with a pineapple," Joey replied innocently.

"Hit me in the head? You _threw _it at me!"

"Pfft. Semantics."

"No! Not semantics! That's not even what that word—oh, forget it. See if I go grocery shopping with you again," the brunet muttered.

"Oh, ya will."

"Do you want to bet on that?"

"As much as ya like to have sex? Ya bet I do."

"We need milk, right?"

* * *

**Author's Note – To make a long story short, my brother hit me in the head with a coconut when we went shopping, so I retaliated by hitting him in the head with a pineapple. End of story.**


	44. Mr Boombastic

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of the songs in this fic

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – This is for everyone who's been grumpy, sad, emo, upset, depressed, and any other words that are synonymous with those that I'm too lazy to look up in my thesaurus.

I am here to make you happy! I will turn those frowns upside down and make those blank stares liven up with glee! You hear me, people? I better see some damn smiles on your faces!

…um…

Seeing as how I can't actually _see_ you, a review would be a good substitute. ^^"

* * *

**Mr. Boombastic (Rated T)**

"Come again?"

Seto resisted the urge to bash his head against the wall. Joey could be so _obtuse _sometimes.

"Okay. Let me explain it in terms even a dog can understand," he started.

"We're datin' and you're still referrin' to me as a dog? Ya got issues. _Big_ issues."

"It's these _big _issues that keep you satisfied every night, so shut the hell up and let me explain," Seto quipped.

Joey resigned himself by crossing his arms and looking at the fancy shmancy computer system he'd been forced to stare at. It was just a bunch of flashing lights and shiny buttons to him, but having a CEO as your boyfriend tended to force a certain blond to go to work with a certain brunet.

But _why_ he was here, he didn't know.

"I already explained that this is a new dancing game," started Seto.

"Like DDR. I get that."

"But this is different. We've created a dancing game that will actually _make _a person dance, even if they don't know how."

"How's it do that?"

"This is still a prototype, but we're close," he said. "Anyway, see the dance floor out there? And see how it looks similar to the walls?"

"Yeah."

"When a song plays after the machine has turned on, it sends out a frequency to interact with a person's brainwaves. This, in turn, sends a signal to the person's body and allows them to do a very different dance to each song that is played."

"That's…kinda cool," admitted Joey. But personally, he wouldn't want to be caught dead dancing in front of _anyone_. Including his boyfriend.

"Okay," Seto sighed, pleased that his words had finally penetrated the blond's thick skull. "I need to go into that room for a bit to help fix some of the paneling. Those idiots screwed up the wiring somehow. Just stay here and _don't touch anything_."

"All right! Geez!" exclaimed Joey, plopping himself into a chair.

He watched Seto enter the room and shut the door behind him. How long was he going to have to sit here and watch his boyfriend bend over and—ooh! Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

Leaning closer to get a better look at Seto's ass, his arm accidentally hit a button. A button that would undoubtedly bring about his demise. But until then, he could at least have some fun.

* * *

Seto froze when he heard everything turn on. Spinning around, he noticed that his other four employees were reacting the same way: in sheer panic.

Soon, the brunet found himself flanked by two employees on his left and two employees on his right. Joey looked at him apologetically and waved shyly.

He was going to kill him.

BUT SOMEONE WOULD HAVE TO TURN OFF THE DAMN MACHINE FIRST!

Seto didn't want to dance! Especially to this song!

* * *

_Give it to me baby, uh huh, uh huh  
Give it to me baby, uh huh, uh huh  
Give it to me baby, uh huh, uh huh_

_And all the girlies say I'm pretty fly for a white guy  
Uno dos tres cuatro cinco cinco seís_

_You know its kinda hard just to get along today  
Our __subject__ isn't cool, but he thinks it anyway  
He may not have a clue, and he may not have style  
But everything he lacks, well he makes up in denial_

_

* * *

_

Joey's eyes widened. He didn't know Seto could dance like that. This was just _way _too freaky. Even for him. But the brunet was pretty fly.

"Hey, what're you—" Mokuba cut himself off when he saw his brother dancing with some of his employees. Then he looked at Joey. "You turned it on, didn't you?"

"It was an accident!" the blond exclaimed. "Help me turn it off!"

"I don't want to turn it off yet. Let's see what else we can make Seto do," Mokuba cackled evilly.

* * *

Seto groaned. No. Any song but that.

* * *

_Oh baby, baby  
Oh baby, baby  
Oh baby, baby  
How was I supposed to know  
That something wasn't right here  
Oh baby baby  
I shouldn't have let you go  
And now you're out of sight, yeah  
Show me, how you want it to be  
Tell me baby  
'Cause I need to know now what we've got_

_My loneliness is killing me  
I must confess, I still believe  
When I'm not with you I lose my mind  
Give me a sign  
Hit me baby one more time_

_

* * *

_

Joey snickered at his boyfriend dancing like Britney Spears. "Let's do another one."

Mokuba grinned. "Okay!"

* * *

_It's close to midnight and something evil's lurking in the dark  
Under the moonlight, you see a sight that almost stops your __heart__  
You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it  
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes  
You're paralyzed_

_'Cause this is thriller, thriller night  
And no one's gonna __save you__ from the beast about strike  
You know it's thriller, thriller night  
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight_

_

* * *

_

Seto was seething. He was going to _kill _someone!

"Somebody better turn off this machine this instant!" he roared.

His demand was met by whimpering employees, a chuckling boyfriend, and a giggling little brother. Someone was going to pay.

He didn't want to dance like Michael Jackson!

* * *

_I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation_

_I'm a blonde single girl in the fantasy world  
Dress me up, take your time, I'm your dollie _

_You're my doll, rock and roll, feel the glamour and pain  
Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky-panky_

_You can touch, you can play  
You can say I'm always yours, oooh whoa_

_

* * *

_

"Okay. Now that's just freaky," said Joey. Seto was dancing like a girl. But not just any girl. One of those majorly gussied up girls.

"Moving on," commented Mokuba.

* * *

_Mr. Boombastic  
What you want is some boombastic romantic fantastic lover  
Shaggy  
Mr. Lover lover, Mr. Lover lover, girl, Mr. Lover lover, Mr. Lover lover  
She call me Mr. Boombastic say me fantastic, touch me on me butt  
she say I'm Mr. Ro...mantic  
call me fantastic, touch me on me butt she say  
I'm ... Smooth just like silk  
Soft and coddle hug me up like a quilt  
I'm a lyrical lover no take me for no filth  
With my sexual physique Jah know me well built  
Oh me oh my well well can't you tell  
I'm just like a turtle crawling out of my shell  
Gal you captivate my body put me under a spell  
With your cus cus perfume I love your sweet smell  
You are the only young girl who can ring my bell  
And I can take rejection so you tell me go to hell_

_

* * *

_

Seto was _really _starting to panic now. Why were his hips _moving_ like this? Oh, no. What was he doing?

"Mr. Kaiba!" shrieked one of his employees.

"I'm not in control, you moron!" the brunet shrieked back. Someone was going to die, die a horribly painful death. Why?

BECAUSE HE WAS GIVING ONE OF HIS EMPLOYEES A FUCKING LAP DANCE, THAT'S WHY!

* * *

_What you gon' do with all that junk?  
All that junk inside your trunk?  
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,  
Get you love drunk off my hump.  
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,  
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps (Check it out)_

_I drive these brothers crazy,  
I do it on the daily,  
They treat me really nicely,  
They buy me all these ices.  
Dolce & Gabbana,  
__Fendi__ and that Donna  
Karan, they be sharin'  
All their money got me wearin' fly  
Brother I ain't askin,  
They say they love my ass 'n,  
Seven Jeans, True Religion's,  
I say no, but they keep givin'  
So I keep on takin'  
And no I ain't taken  
We can keep on datin'  
I keep on demonstrating._

_

* * *

_

"I…didn't know Seto could move like that," Mokuba said slowly. He didn't know whether to run or watch.

Joey, on the other hand, just narrowed his eyes in anger. "I didn't know he could move his hips like that! I'm gettin' jipped in bed!"

Mokuba _really_ didn't want to think about that. Maybe he should just switch the song. Yeah. That was a good idea.

* * *

_I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love  
Love's going to leave me_

_I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt  
So sexy it hurts  
And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan  
New __York and__ Japan_

_And I'm too sexy for your party  
Too sexy for your party  
No way I'm disco dancing_

_I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
I do my little turn on the catwalk_

_I'm too sexy for my car too sexy for my car  
Too sexy by far  
And I'm too sexy for my hat  
Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that_

_

* * *

_

Seto's eyes widened. _What the hell am I doing?_ he thought wildly as he started stripping. _This song is so getting deleted when I get out of here!_

"AAH!" screeched one of his female employees when he flung his shirt to her. She fainted.

"I HATE YOU ALL!"

* * *

_I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
I shake my little touche on the catwalk_

_I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my_

_'Cos I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
I shake my little touche on the catwalk_

_I'm too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat  
Poor pussy poor pussy cat  
I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love  
Love's going to leave me_

_And I'm too sexy for this song_

_

* * *

_

"My eyes!" Mokuba screamed.

Personally, Joey didn't see what the big deal was. Seto was only doing a little stripping routine for the song that was playing. Plus, his employees had fainted because his boyfriend was so damn sexy.

Wait. Had one of them gotten a nosebleed?

Wait! Other people were seeing _his _Seto getting naked!

WAIT! SETO WAS GETTING DOWN TO HIS BOXERS!

"HOW DO I TURN IT OFF?" Joey roared.

* * *

Seto nearly cried in relief when he realized he would _not _be showing his manhood to everyone present.

To further ease his suffering, the system had been shut down. There would be no more dancing. No more dancing at all.

Grabbing his clothes, he hurriedly put them back on, set a hardened glare on his face, and strode into the room where Joey was shaking. Mokuba had bolted; he'd been the smart one.

"Joey," the brunet ground out.

"Yes, Seto?" the blond replied meekly.

"You're going to pay for this. You know that, right?"

"Yeah. But can I make a request?"

"…"

"Please be gentle."

"Your ass is young. You can take it," stated Seto as he threw the blond over his shoulder.

"What?" Joey screeched. "No! Put me down!"

"You wanted to be punished, right?"

"I didn't say I wanted to! I just knew ya were goin' to! There's a difference!"

"Exactly. And my version of a punishment is pounding you into a mattress for the next week…or two."

"Excuse me?" the blond gasped.

"Dancing back there was very…_enlightening_," the brunet smirked. "So I have a few new things I want to try out with you."

* * *

**Author's Note – PLEASE REVIEW!**

**I want to know if my madness was worth it!**


	45. Demon Monkey

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – Allowing me to have sugar, caffeine, chocolate, whatever, is a bad idea. A very bad idea. So endure my madness with me.

* * *

**Demon Monkey (Rated T)**

"I can't believe we're actually doin' this," Joey groaned as he and Mokuba returned to the Kaiba Mansion. "Seto's gonna kill me."

"Why would he kill you? It was _my_ idea," replied Mokuba.

"Because he'll do this whole thing where I'm supposed to be the responsible one or some shit like that," the blond grumbled, eyeing the bulge underneath the younger Kaiba's jacket warily. He jumped when the front door closed behind them.

"Chill! Seto's not home yet," Mokuba hissed, patting the bulge that now started moving.

"I don't think I can go through with this," Joey started, panicking as he retreated back to the front door.

Mokuba set a glare on his face that froze the blond. "We're in this together, Joey. There's no backing out now."

"Together?" the blond shrieked. "Ya stole a monkey from the fuckin' zoo!"

"It's not just a monkey," Mokuba huffed. "It's a spider monkey. And I didn't steal him; I liberated him."

Joey resisted the urge to strangle the young boy. When Seto found out about the monkey…they'd all be dead. Even the monkey.

Mokuba made for the living room, still irked by Joey's behavior. Sitting on the couch, he patted the monkey underneath his jacket. He couldn't help it. When he'd gone to the zoo with Joey today, he'd seen the monkey and had instantly fallen in love with it. And by the time the blond had figured out Mokuba had _freed _the little guy, they'd already left the zoo.

"Look," Joey started as he sat down next to Mokuba on the couch, "I know ya like this…_thing_ and all, but think about what Seto will say. And ya don't even have the stuff to take care of a monkey. Plus, ya _stole the monkey_!"

Mokuba clenched his hand at that particular accusation, but before he could reply, the monkey started moving…wildly. Apparently, he'd touched it a bit too hard. Without having the time to react, the monkey clawed its way out of his jacket and promptly launched itself at Joey's head.

"Demon monkey!" the blond screeched as the monkey somehow tangled itself in his hair.

"Don't move," Mokuba said hurriedly as he watched the monkey calm down somewhat.

Joey froze, desperately hoping that this was all some nightmare and that he actually _wasn't_ sitting in the living room with a feral monkey latched onto his hair.

"Okay," the young Kaiba said soothingly. "I think it's calm now."

Suddenly, the monkey slapped the sides of Joey's face, giving a shrill battle cry that echoed throughout the mansion before leaping off of the blond's head and charging into the next room.

"Get the maids," Joey said as he raced after the little beast. There was no way in hell he'd be going down for this alone.

* * *

They had finally cornered the damn monkey. Sure, it had taken five maids armed with household objects, including Joey and Mokuba, in order to contain the damn thing, but it was well worth it. Too bad it just had to be in Seto's study.

The monkey was currently on Seto's desk…and it was growling at them.

Joey beckoned for the maid brandishing a broom to step closer while one of the other maids slowly approached the creature with an empty laundry basket. Just a little bit closer and—

"What the hell are you doing?" Seto announced as he stepped into his study.

Mokuba spun around and flung himself at the door, shutting it with a resounding bang as he glanced up at his brother. But before he could speak, the monkey was shrieking again.

"What the fuck is that thing?" the brunet roared.

"DEMON MONKEY!" Joey screamed as the monkey launched itself at his head again.

"Someone hit it with the broom!"

"No! Don't hurt it!"

_Whap!_

"That's me, ya idiot! Hit the monkey! The _monkey_!"

"Mr. Kaiba! Look out!"

"IT'S IN MY TRENCH COAT! IT'S IN MY TRENCH COAT! GET IT! GET IT!"

_Whap! Whap!_

"It's back on the desk!"

"Oh, shit!"

"It's got a stapler! It's got a stapler!"

"Get out of the way!"

"It's stapling me! It's stapling me!"

"Run!"

"DIE DEMON MONKEY SPAWN! DIE!"

"What the hell is throwin' a pillow at it gonna do?"

"IT'S GOT THE FUCKING LETTER OPENER!"

"AAH!"

* * *

Seto leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor. After nearly being stabbed by a letter opener—who knew they were that lethal—one of the maids had finally trapped the damn monkey underneath the laundry basket, where she promptly sat on top of it so that the fucking creature wouldn't escape. And after calling Animal Control, the brunet wanted nothing more than to just curl up into a little ball.

"Now I know why Seto won't let ya have any pets," Joey mumbled, plopping himself on the floor between the Kaiba brothers.

"You two are never going _anywhere_ alone ever again," Seto grumbled. "Especially the zoo."

* * *

**Author's Note – Was my madness justified?**


	46. Drunk Dial

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – Okay, so here's my warning. If any of you ever decide to drink alcohol, please be safe and responsible.

* * *

**Drunk Dial (Rated M)**

Kaiba took another swig of…whatever the hell he was drinking from the liquor cabinet and flopped back into the armchair, looking very un-Kaiba-like as he did so. The normally immaculate brunet was completely wasted and it was all because of some stupid blond. Some stupid, loud, hot-tempered, sexy blond. This was all his fault.

Why was it his fault? Because as soon as Kaiba had gathered up enough courage to walk up to Joey during school today to…_confess_ that he might feel something other than hate for the rambunctious idiot, the blond had all but wailed on him as soon as the word 'Mutt' had passed his lips.

So, yeah. His current state was all the _Mutt's _fault. Maybe he should tell him that. It wasn't a bad idea.

Kaiba shakily stood from the armchair, wobbling across the floor on unsteady legs as the room tilted and spun in every direction. When he finally reached his desk, the brunet ungracefully landed on top of it, curling up on its surface as he fumbled around for his cell phone.

Finally grasping hold of said object, he squinted as the bright screen came into focus. Scrolling down his contacts list, he came across the name 'Mutt.' The blond would be in for it now.

* * *

Joey was having the time of his life with his friends at the Game Shop. Being the impromptu party that it was, the blond couldn't help but feel like his day couldn't get any better.

Until his cell phone rang.

"Hello?" Joey answered cheerfully.

"_Mn…Mutt? Gotta talk…you_."

"Kaiba?" Everyone in the Game Shop paused in whatever they were doing, becoming silent as they watched Joey's expression go from angry to confused to absolutely giddy. Pulling the phone away from his face, he whispered to them, "Kaiba just drunk dialed me!"

Yami sprung forward as soon as he heard that. "Put him on speaker! Put him on speaker!"

Joey did as Yami said and placed his phone down. "What're ya callin' me for, Kaiba?" he demanded, trying to stifle his impending laughter.

"_Need to talk to you. About…somethin'_," the brunet slurred.

"What about?"

"_Hm…it's your fault. Shoulda let me tell you_."

Joey was intrigued. "Tell me what, Kaiba?"

"_Shut up and lemme talk…sexy puppy_."

A few laughs sounded in the shop as the blond felt a blush spread across his face. What the hell was going on?

"_You're hot 'n I hate you. But I don't hate you. Too sexy to hate_."

Okay. Joey was going to hang up and he was going to do it now. But before he could get to the phone, Kaiba made another declaration. A very loud declaration.

"_Gonna have butt sex with you! Hothothot butt sex!_"

Joey covered his mouth with his hands, shocked to the core. This couldn't be happening. No way could this be happening.

"_Gonna go now and puke. Fuck…mn, sexy puppy. Hate you_." And with that, Kaiba hung up, the dial tone seemingly loud in the Game Shop.

After the initial surprise of what had just happened sank into the minds of everyone present, Joey found all eyes on him.

"Well…that was odd," said Yami, breaking the silence.

"Yes!" cried Bakura, looking absolutely hysterical as he waved his cell phone in the air. "I recorded that whole conversation! Welcome to the world of blackmail, Kaiba!"

* * *

**Author's Note – That was funny, right?**


	47. Drunk Dial II

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – I got so many reviews for the last drabble that I just _had _to give into the demand for a sequel.

* * *

**Drunk Dial II (Rated M)**

"_Gonna have butt sex with you! Hothothot butt sex!_"

As soon as Bakura had played that recording—over and over and over again—Kaiba couldn't help but give into the former thief's demands. There was no way in _hell_ he was going to let that particular bit of blackmail ruin him.

But as he surveyed the disaster that was his living room—thanks to Bakura's demand that they have a party in his _mansion_—the brunet was really starting to think that having that little piece of blackmail going public would be far more tolerable than what he was going through right now.

Yugi and his geeky friends were here and they were all completely smashed…more or less. Some worse than others. Bakura and Marik appeared to be fine. Drinking was probably something they did often, therefore providing them with a higher tolerance for alcohol.

The others weren't as lucky.

Bakura looked like he wanted the earth to swallow him whole. Ryou was currently latched onto him, arms wrapped around the former thief's neck; he was crying. And it seemed like he was sobbing about how Bakura wasn't romantic enough or whatever.

Marik, on the other hand, was having the time of his life with a tipsy Malik. They were making out on Kaiba's _leather couch_! The brunet swore that he'd burn it as soon as this fiasco was finished.

Duke was in his own little world. Either the alcohol had completely fried his brain or he was too drunk to see clearly, because he kept hitting on the lamp. It neither looked like a person nor felt like a person. But there Duke was, his arms draped around it as he winked and flirted.

Yugi and Yami looked more high than drunk. The two of them were lying on the floor, staring at the ceiling and commenting on how the stars looked really pretty…before turning on their sides and puking on each other. Kaiba shivered. This whole room would be burned to ashes by morning.

Kaiba sighed in anguish as he watched Tea, yet again, slap Tristan across the face angrily before breaking down and sobbing, apologizing between gasps before she grabbed whatever she could get her hands on and hurling the object at his head. Tristan would promptly duck and said object would smash against the wall. It made Kaiba wonder why he had so many breakable objects in the first place.

Suddenly, the brunet felt a pair of arms latch around his waist, a head with blond hair nuzzling his shoulder.

"Kaiba," Joey whined in a needy voice.

"Mutt, go away. You're drunk," stated Kaiba firmly, panicking somewhat as the blond only closed the distance between them.

Looking up into startled blue eyes, Joey wrapped his hands around the brunet's neck, using his weight to press the older teen against the wall. "Ya said ya wanted to have butt sex with me," he whispered, grinding his hips into Kaiba's. "I wanna have butt sex with ya, too."

The brunet's face grew several shades of red before he came to his senses. "No. We're not going to—you're drunk! I'm not taking advantage of you when you're drunk!"

Tears formed in Joey's eyes. "Ya don't wanna have butt sex with me?"

Kaiba swallowed hard. "I do, but not like this."

The tears disappeared as realization dawned on the blond's face. "Oh," he said quietly. "You're right. We gotta take our clothes off first."

"No!" the brunet shrieked…in a manly way. He tried pushing Joey away, but to no avail. The blond just clung to him even more.

"Come on, Kaiba. I know ya wanna," Joey said, cupping the brunet's arousal through his pants. Kaiba flinched as the blond palmed him in an agonizingly slow manner.

"S-Stop," stammered the brunet, clawing at Joey's hand.

"No." The blond then leaned upward, smashing their lips together as he kissed Kaiba with all the passion he could muster. Moving his other hand to the brunet's hair, he tugged slightly, eliciting a gasp from him, which only allowed Joey to slip his tongue into Kaiba's mouth, exploring him fully.

Kaiba knew he shouldn't be doing this, but it just felt so damn good. Joey drunk made him so lucid, so affectionate, so hot, so—OMG!

Joey staggered back, horrified. He'd just thrown up in Kaiba's mouth! In his _mouth_! Kaiba was going to kill him! This was bad! Very bad! He was never drinking again if he survived this! _Never_!

* * *

**Author's Note – See all the bad things that can happen when drunk?**


	48. Drunk Dial III

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – Why do you guys like _Drunk Dial _so much? Lol. Anyway, I don't mind giving you this third one.

* * *

**Drunk Dial III (Rated M)**

Kaiba had a new motto. _Never again_.

Why he had decided to drink last night after Joey puked in his mouth would be something he'd ask himself for the rest of his life. Especially after what had happened the _first _time he'd gotten drunk. You'd think that having a hangover once would prevent him from drinking ever again, but alas, he'd been wrong.

But this time…he would _never _drink again. Not after the discoveries he was making right now.

The first thing Kaiba noticed was that he _really _had to get to the bathroom. But as soon as he got up, the brunet tried to regain control of his situation by yelling at the room to stay still. When that didn't work, he fell back to his knees and crawled his way to the toilet…where he developed a more personal relationship with the object.

After the dry heaving ceased, he stood up shakily. And as he glanced at himself in the mirror, Kaiba found that it induced the same reaction as chugging a glass of fresh paint would.

Back to the toilet.

Taking a few deep breaths after vomiting round…whatever. He'd lost count. Kaiba decided that he would _try _to find out where everyone else was so that he could kill them.

As soon as he stepped out into the hall, however, his face was met by harsh sunlight. It was the equivalent of having a pencil jammed up his nose repeatedly in an attempt to turn his brain to mush. He did not like it.

Especially since the birds outside were chirping.

Steeling himself, Kaiba ripped open a window and yelled, "Shut the fuck up you fucking spawns of Satan!" The birds momentarily stopped chirping for a few seconds before resuming their morning song. And each chirp and tweet was like a nail being pounded ruthlessly into the brunet's head.

"Good morning, Kaiba," Bakura said, smirking evilly.

"Shut up," the brunet snapped, clutching his head. "I hate you with every fiber of my being."

"I'd cut back on the insults right now if I were you," the former thief threatened with a smile. "I could burst out into song or scream any minute. And you wouldn't like that, now, would you?"

Kaiba shot him a weak glare before stumbling into the kitchen. His bleary gaze was met by several other familiar faces, each one hovering over a cup of coffee while taking a few aspirin. Apparently, he wasn't the only one with a hangover.

"Um…Kaiba?"

The brunet turned to find a freaked out Joey looking at him. "What?" The word came out harsher than he'd intended, but right now, who could blame him?

"I'm really sorry about last night. I—"

"It's fine," Kaiba sighed. "You were drunk. It was bound to happen sooner or later. I'm not mad…even though it was absolutely disgusting. Not the kiss! But the…aftermath."

"O-Okay." Joey looked somewhat relieved by that. "So…what does this mean?"

Kaiba paused and dropped his gaze to the blond, who was looking at him intently. "I suppose you want to go out on a date then?"

Joey appeared stunned. "Really?" Okay, _that_ sounded a bit too eager.

"Yes," replied the brunet, filling a mug with coffee, but then frowned in distaste. Maybe he should just have water instead. "I…_want_ to go on a date with you."

"I'd really like that, Kaiba!"

"Seto," he said with a grimace. "And not so loud."

"Oh. Okay. Seto." Joey swore that if he were grinning any more, his face would tear.

"And another thing."

"What?"

"This time…let's do things sober."

* * *

**Author's Note – In case you're curious, I have never touched alcohol and never will. Many people abuse it and those who do can act…very unlike themselves.**

**So, if you're going to drink, make sure you are OF LEGAL AGE and drink RESPONSIBLY. We don't need anyone getting hurt or worse.**

**Be safe!**


	49. Splish Splash

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – Let's have some stupid fun!

* * *

**Splish Splash (Rated K+)**

Joey didn't know why he did it, but he still did. However, he wasn't expecting Seto to retaliate…and retaliate he did.

It had started out in the kitchen. The weather was pleasantly warm, a nice, subtle breeze had made its way through the stuffy mansion, and the two young lovers had taken it upon themselves to get a nice glass of ice water to drink.

In doing so, Joey had traced his finger around the rim of the glass before dipping it into the chilly liquid. Smirking to himself, he had retrieved his finger and promptly flicked the water at Seto's face.

The brunet, momentarily stunned by such an action, had turned to face his attacker. Which led to where they were now.

Seto dipped his entire hand in the glass of water and splashed Joey in the face like he had done; only this time, there were more than a few droplets of water.

Not being one to go down without a fight, the blond set down his glass of water, but not before pulling out an ice cube, which he proceeded to drop down Seto's back. Watching the brunet squirm because of the cold, Joey couldn't help but laugh.

"You think that's funny?" Seto stated with a glare.

Joey did _not _like that look. It just meant trouble. But before he could successfully escape, the brunet grabbed him around the middle, pulled the waistband of his pants and boxers away from his skin, and dumped the glass of ice water.

"EEK! COLD! COLD!" the blond shrieked, flailing about in the kitchen.

Seto crossed his arms, a satisfied smirk on his face. But that was soon washed away when Joey splashed him in the face with his own glass of water. Sputtering a few curses, the brunet grabbed his empty glass, filled it with more water, and threw it at the cackling blond.

"Two can play at that game," Joey remarked giddily, as he proceeded to do the same.

Sure, water fights could seem immature, but the excitement and bubbling laughter that results from it is worth so much more.

* * *

**Author's Note – When I participate in water fights, I like being armed with a nice spray bottle with good shooting range. It makes it easier to hit the people who do all kinds of weird secret spy jumps and leaps; it makes them easy targets.**


	50. Love Fern

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – I dedicate this drabble to the lovely **Yugi16dm**.

* * *

**Love Fern (Rated T)**

Since neither of them had ever had a boyfriend before, let alone dated anyone, Seto and Joey weren't quite sure what to do for their one year anniversary of being together. After much thought, they were clear on one thing: they didn't want their anniversary to adhere to any of the clichés out there.

So the two of them had opted for something a little more simplistic. They would exchange gifts, but these gifts had to be symbolic of their love in some way. Basically, their gifts to each other would represent their love.

Seto, being of sound body and mind, went out of his way to have something crafted specially for this occasion, and he was quite proud of the results. Giving it to the one he'd loved for this past year—even with their ups and downs—meant more to him than he would ever care to admit.

Carefully carrying a box that had been wrapped in gold wrapping paper, the brunet headed for the living room, where they said they would exchange their gifts. Spotting Joey in the center of the room, Seto let a small smile grace his lips as he approached him.

"Happy Anniversary, Joey," he stated softly, adoration accentuating his tone as he passed the blond his gift.

"Thank ya, Seto." Joey immediately began unwrapping the box.

After he pulled open the lid, he gasped before pulling out a medium sized figurine that was nearly as big as his head. The figurine was in the form of the Blue-Eye White Dragon and Red-Eyes Black Dragon. Both of which were intertwined, their faces leaning back as if to gaze at each other, making it appear as if the empty space between them was a heart.

"What do you think?" asked Seto, growing slightly impatient because the blond had yet to utter a word—which was completely unlike him.

"I…I love it, Seto. It's beautiful." Setting the figurine back into the box as gently as he could, Joey threw himself at the brunet and hugged him for all he was worth.

"Where's my gift?"

Joey leaned back and glared at him slightly, a little angered that his boyfriend had disrupted such an endearing moment. "Fine. I'll go get him," he said as he left the room.

Seto blanched. Wait. Get _him_? Who was _him_? Joey didn't get them a pet, did he? Or worse! Well, maybe not worse. But he wasn't ready to be a father yet!

While the brunet continued his worst case scenario tirade inside his head, he missed Joey reentering the living room.

"Uh…Seto? Ya okay?" the blond questioned hesitantly.

"What?" the brunet responded, his head snapping up. "I'm fine. What…is _that_?"

Joey cradled the object he was holding as if offended by the question. "_He_," the blond started, "is our love fern."

Seto looked back at the green…bushy thing Joey was holding. "Love fern? What the hell is a love fern?"

"Haven't ya seen _How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days_?" When Seto shook his head, Joey continued. "A love fern is somethin' that represents our love. We gotta take care of him because that means we're gonna take care of our love. If ya let him die, our love dies. Got it?"

The brunet looked skeptical. And why did Joey keep calling that thing a _him_? "And why is this…love fern a…boy?"

"Because I named him Bob," Joey answered matter-of-factly.

Seto actually had the audacity to allow his jaw to drop after hearing this. Great. Just great. The entity that would epitomize their epic love for one another was Bob. How…anticlimactic.

"Ya aren't gonna let our love die, are ya?" the blond inquired, noticing the lack of positive reaction on his boyfriend's face.

"No! Absolutely not! You just…took me by surprise," Seto stammered in response. "I'd be happy to care of it—I mean, Bob."

Joey smiled. "Good! Ya can keep him in your study. And don't forget to water him."

When the blond passed…Bob to him, Seto stared at the plant and sighed. He had to take care of a plant now? He didn't know how to take care of a plant! But what if this thing _did_ die? Oh, no! What if Joey broke up with him because the plant died and assumed that he was letting their love die?

A call to his secretary was in order. He needed to find out where they sold these love ferns…just in case.

* * *

**Author's Note – What did you think? Please review!**


	51. Love Fern II

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – There seems to be a war going on around Fanfic. I'd thought of staying out of the conflict and letting things run its course, but it seems that it is impossible now. So I'm going to set some things straight.

**ATTENTION FANFIC READERS AND AUTHORS!**

In the case of my good friend, **Reizbar-Ookami**, she specifically stated that she "seriously contemplated leaving fanfiction and deleting all of her stories just to spite." This means that she was so upset by some of the responses she received for her drabble that it made her not want to write anymore. And that is a very terrible feeling. She is a sweet and sensitive person. But attacking an author because they wrote something in a way readers didn't like is very disrespectful.

Every author on this site spends a lot of time working on their fics. They devote more time and energy than you can possibly know. And I do. I know what it's like 'behind-the-scenes' for a fanfic author since I am close friends with **Reiz **and a few others.

Our purpose as authors is to entertain you, to give you a temporary escape from your everyday lives, if only briefly. Our fics are here solely for you to jump into a different universe, watching your favorite characters develop and grow in a multitude of ways. There are no restrictions on how to interpret a character or how that character can be portrayed. As in our own live—all of us—we change throughout the course of time and the situations we are met with. The same goes for the characters we choose to represent in our fics. No one's personality—or who they are—is ever set in stone. You'll often find that change can occur at any time. This site is a place where you can express yourself. And I encourage everyone to do so.

And so this brings us to our next case, **Fanfic Readers**. Most times the reviews we authors receive are absolutely wonderful. But then there are some anonymous reviews, as well as reviews from people who _want_ to be known, who attack said authors for what they write and how they portray characters. Sometimes they even attack the readers of these fics.

In my fic _Fan Club_, I received such a review. Here is an excerpt from what was written: _"__How anyone and I mean ANYONE finds this good writing and worthy of reading beyond the first chapter must really have NO taste or NOT CARE about Yu Gi Oh and its characters because this was an abomination to the franchise.__"_ The whole review can be found under the reviews for Fan Club.

Normally, I would turn a blind eye to reviews like this. But when individuals attack my _readers_, I really take offense. And you know what I do? I defend you! Why? Because I care about my readers and I respect you, because without you guys, I wouldn't go out of my way to write these fics.

What we authors right now are asking for is to be a little more appreciated for what we do. Sometimes readers forget that there is a _human being_ who writes these fics and that we have feelings. And these feelings can be hurt. We value constructive criticism, but don't attack us directly because you weren't crazy about how a particular fic went, or who's seme or uke.

If you _don't_ like something, that's fine. If you _do_ like something, that's fine, too. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but there is a right way to go about doing it. And some of you have been going about it the wrong way. But I hope that this very long message has cleared some things up for all of you. And I hope that you will consider everything I've said. Perhaps we can all come to an understanding.

Thank you for your time, patience, and support.

Sincerely,

Willowsnake

* * *

**Love Fern II (Rated T)**

Seto was on the verge of having a heart attack. How could things have gotten so out of hand so fast? He'd only decided to bring Bob the Love Fern to his office at Kaiba Corp. to prevent Joey from asking him about it and inspecting it every two seconds. The brunet had placed Bob on his desk, watered it every single day, made sure it had an appropriate amount of sunlight and fresh air…

AND NOW IT WAS DYING!

Bob, which had once been lush and green, was now a sickly yellow and droopy. What had happened? He hadn't done anything wrong and the plant was dead!

…Joey was going to kill him.

"_Mr. Kaiba? Mr. Wheeler is here to see you_," came a nasally voice from the intercom. Seto felt like strangling his secretary. At a time like this, seeing Joey was the last thing he wanted.

"Let him in," the brunet responded. Did his voice just crack?

Joey burst into the room with a smile on his face, but that quickly faded when his eyes landed on Bob. He slowly approached the desk, his hand reaching out to lightly stroke one of the leaves.

"Seto?" the blond croaked. "What did ya do?"

"I-I didn't do anything! Bob is just…he's sleeping! Yes! He's just sleeping!" Seto cringed at his excuse. Not even a child would believe that.

"He's dead, Seto," Joey deadpanned, looking up at the brunet.

At this, he gave in. "I don't know how it happened. I swear! I watered him every fucking day, made sure he got sunlight…I even left a fucking window open so he could get some air!" Boy, did he feel stupid referring to this plant as a person.

Joey looked back at the plant and cocked his head to the side. The next thing Seto knew the blond bent forward and sniffed. What the hell was he doing? Realization flashed across Joey's face and he started piecing things together, which only made the brunet even more confused. Picking up Bob, the blond stormed out of the office, Seto on his heels.

But instead of heading for the elevator like the CEO thought he would, Joey stopped in front of his secretary's desk, slamming Bob down on it.

"_You_," the blond spat.

His secretary looked hesitant and…guilty?

"Ya killed Bob," Joey declared, eyeing her angrily.

"I did no such thing!" she protested.

"Shut the hell up! I know ya did it! When I came by ya before goin' in there, I noticed that ya smelled like bleach! And Bob _also_ smells like bleach! You've been poisonin' Bob!"

Seto's secretary gaped at him. "Even if that were true, why would I do such a thing?"

"Because you're jealous!" Joey shouted, slamming his hands down on her desk. "Ya knew about love ferns because I heard ya talkin' about the movie the other day. And ya figured that if Bob died that I would leave Seto. As if that would ever give ya a chance with him!"

"He's more deserving of me than he is of you! You're nothing but street scum!"

Seto was about to step in, but Joey beat him to it.

"Please! Ya could get a sex change and I'd still have more of a chance with him than ya, even if I shaved my head and decided that I'd want to live out my life as a fuckin' mime!"

"How dare you speak to me that way!"

"No," Joey said softly. "How dare ya think that I'd let somethin' like this get between me and Seto. He's the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company and he went out of his way to take care of a _plant_ because it meant somethin' to me. He wanted to make me happy. He was willin' to try even if it meant bein' ridiculed or even if he killed the damn thing.

"Hell, he even referred to it as Bob! What kind of a boyfriend does that? I'll tell ya. One who respects me. One who would do anythin' to show me that I mean the world to him. I _love_ Seto. And he loves me.

"Now get your fuckin' ass outta this buildin'! You're fired! Ya got that?" Joey roared.

"You can't fire me!" she squawked, looking at Seto for help. She didn't receive it.

"You heard him," Seto stated coldly. "Now get out."

Grabbing as many of her things as she could, the former secretary bolted for the nearest exit.

Joey turned around then, wrapping his arms around Seto's neck before pulling him into the sweetest kiss they'd ever shared.

"I love you so much, Joey," he sighed, going in for another kiss. "So much."

"I love ya, too," the blond chuckled. "How about we forget the whole love fern thing?"

No argument there.

"I was kinda thinkin' we could get a pet anyway."

Seto blanched. First a plant, now a live animal? Well, it could have been a human being. But, he supposed a pet would do them just fine for now.

* * *

**Author's Note – Thank you.**


	52. Bang

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – Cheer up, people. Life is always full of unexpected surprises.

* * *

**Bang (Rated M)**

Seto sighed in aggravation as he stepped into the store. Who knew having pets could be so troublesome? So here he was, in the pet food isle, looking for the brand Joey had specifically told him to get for their new dog.

Upon finding it, he tossed the bag over his shoulder and proceeded down the next isle, where he spotted something that brought a sly smirk to his face. Grabbing that as well, he made his way toward the _only _cash register that was open and dropped his two items on the conveyor belt.

And then his phone buzzed.

Stifling a groan, Seto pulled out his cell and noticed that Joey was calling him…probably making sure he bought the right dog food or something.

"What now?" Seto snapped as he answered his phone.

The cashier's head jerked upward in surprise. Seto Kaiba was in his line! _The _Seto Kaiba was purchasing things in his line! He blindly grabbed the dog food bag and rang it up, trying to listen in on the CEO's conversation.

"Yes, I got the dog food," the brunet stated. Then he began smirking. "And I got some condoms."

There was a pause, which gave the cashier time to glance at the other item. It was, indeed, a box of condoms. He picked up the item and rang that up, too.

"What do you mean what for?" Seto asked, but then his expression became leery. "I plan on banging a certain puppy later. Is that reason enough?"

The box of condoms promptly fell out of the cashier's hands. Seto Kaiba was…he was…

"And you know what else?" the brunet continued. "I have a certain studded collar and leash that I know will look absolutely sexy on this certain puppy."

The cashier's jaw dropped as he fumbled for the box of condoms.

"I'll also be teaching this certain puppy how to beg…_all night long_. And perhaps he'll be rewarded with a treat. A very _special _treat involving me thrusting—hello?" Seto turned toward the pale cashier. "He hung up. Can you bag those for me?"

The cashier nodded dumbly, still trying to process what he'd heard. Seto Kaiba was going to…have sex with a…dog?

WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THIS MAN? SHOULD HE CALL SOMEONE? LIKE PETA? WHAT SHOULD HE DO?

"That'll be $27.96." Fuck it. He didn't want to get involved.

Seto paid the cashier and grabbed his bags with a smirk. "Now I have a puppy's ass to pound into," he said before leaving.

The cashier choked on the air he'd just inhaled and started coughing.

"Are you all right?" exclaimed the next customer in line, coming to the man's aid.

"I'm fine. I'm fine," he said before glancing at the next customer's items. Lube and cat litter.

He fainted.

* * *

**Author's Note – Please review.**


	53. Weight

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – You don't ask, I don't tell.

* * *

**Weight (Rated T)**

"Seto, how much do boobs weigh?"

"Why? Do you plan on getting some?" the brunet remarked, his eyes still glued to his laptop.

"Ugh! Why do you have to be so negative?" Mokuba shouted, storming off out of the room.

Seto's head popped up in shock before his eyes drifted to Joey. "I could have sworn it was _you _who asked that question."

"Why's it gotta be me?" the blond responded, looking affronted.

"Because you have a tendency to ask stupid questions like that."

"It's not really a stupid question if ya think about it."

"Hn."

"I mean…lots of girls probably wonder about it. They probably use it as an excuse in order to deduct it from their actual weight."

"…"

"Seto? Are ya even listenin' to me?"

"Mhm."

"Then what did I say?"

"Hn."

"I did not go 'hn.' Ya went 'hn.' Not me!"

"…"

"You're lookin' up how much boobs weigh, aren't ya?" When Joey still received nothing but grunts and other odd noises, he rose from his seat on the couch and hovered over Seto's shoulder. "Boo."

The brunet jumped and immediately closed the window he had open. "I told you to stop that!" he snapped.

"What were ya lookin' at?"

"Nothing to concern yourself with."

"Tell me or I'll post pictures of ya singin' with your hairbrush on the Kaiba Corp. website."

Seto narrowed his eyes. "You wouldn't dare."

"I would."

Knowing that Joey wouldn't budge on the matter, the brunet clicked on his browser history and reopened the webpage he'd closed.

"Ya actually looked it up?"

Seto began to feel the shame consume him. "I couldn't help it," he mumbled. "I got…curious."

"Well…" The blond faltered. Should he dare ask? "What's it say?"

"What does what say?"

"Ya know exactly what I'm talkin' about!" Joey hissed. "How much do boobs weigh?"

The brunet's face turned red. This conversation had gotten awkward. Like _really_ awkward. "Boobs weigh about a pound a cup size."

"A pound a cup size," Joey muttered as if contemplating those exact words. "So let's see…I think Mai's a D cup. That means…HER BOOBS WEIGH EIGHT POUNDS? How the hell do girls walk around without fallin' over?"

"Women are…proportioned differently," said Seto. He was _so _glad he didn't have a sister. He couldn't bear the thought of having a conversation like this with a female of _any _kind.

"That's just—girls are weird," Joey deadpanned. "Ya gonna tell Mokuba? It _was _his question."

"I think I'd rather die."

"Would ya rather I post those pictures?"

"Fine. Mokuba!"

* * *

**Author's Note – Random is random.**


	54. Laptop Blues

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – This is for you, Reiz.

* * *

**Laptop Blues (Rated T)**

Joey absolutely _hated_ waiting in Seto's office at Kaiba Corp. before they went on their dates. But here he was anyway, floppily lounging in an armchair while his boyfriend tapped away at that damn laptop. The blond truly believed that if that small computer were alive, Seto would marry it and have semi-robotic children with it.

Growing impatient, Joey turned his head toward the brunet, completely ready to argue that he spent more time with a damn piece of technology than him. But the look on Seto's face halted any words that would have passed from his lips.

The brunet stared at his laptop in disbelief…before looking as if he'd just discovered the world would end within the next few minutes.

"Ya okay, Seto? Ya look a little…pale." Pale was an understatement.

"No," Seto said quietly. It came out in a rasp whisper. "You can't _do _this to me!"

The brunet bolted from his seat and stared at his laptop again, but this time he looked like he was about to cry.

Hesitantly, Joey got up from the armchair—while keeping his berth wide—as he approached the desk. Glancing at the laptop, he noticed that the screen was blue. He knew his question would be stupid, but he had to ask. "Why's your screen blue?"

"BECAUSE IT'S THE FUCKING BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH!" the brunet roared, tugging at his hair. "This can't be happening. My whole _life_ is on this thing!"

Joey really found that hard to believe…for a normal person. But Seto was far from normal. "Can't ya just click somethin' to fix it?"

"Click something? _Click something?_ Don't you have any idea what this means?" he raged.

"I would if ya fuckin' told me instead of screamin' at a stupid piece of technology!" the blond quipped.

That sent Seto over the deep end. He grabbed his laptop and chucked it.

Not at Joey.

Not even at a wall.

But through the window.

With a furious crash, the window shattered into hundreds of pieces while the poor laptop plummeted from the top story of Kaiba Corp.

A few seconds later, they both seemed to realize what happened and rushed over to the broken window, peering over the edge as the laptop fell.

"Please don't kill anyone," Seto kept whispering under his breath. And when the laptop crashed on the sidewalk—scaring the living hell out of everyone on the street below in the process—the brunet breathed a slight sigh of relief.

"Ya know, ya probably coulda taken it to an expert or somethin' to fix that blue screen thingy," stated Joey matter-of-factly.

"If you don't shut up, I'm throwing _you_ out the window next."

Joey crossed his arms and huffed. Seto could get so pissy sometimes. "Can we go on our date now?"

* * *

**Author's Note – Sometimes I really feel like throwing my laptop out the window when it acts stupid, but that—in itself—would be stupid.**


	55. Volunteer

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – I wrote this just because it had to be written.

* * *

**Volunteer (Rated T)**

_**Monday**_

"I still don't understand why we have to volunteer in an elementary school," Seto stated glumly.

Joey sighed. "Maybe it's because of all the budget cuts. They whore us teens to schools who need people to work in their classrooms for free."

"Hn. You might be right. Just make sure you don't use that kind of language around these…_children_."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll watch my language," stated the blond. "So where do we go again?"

"We're each working with a fifth grade teacher. But this school uses a team teaching method."

"And that means?"

"One teacher teaches just English and history while the other one teaches math and science. So both teachers end up teaching both sets of students."

"Okay.

"You get Mrs. C; she teaches English and history. And I get Mrs. R; she teaches math and science. Oh, joy."

"Your sarcasm is noted," stated Joey. "Ready?"

"No."

* * *

_**Joey's POV**_

Mrs. C seemed to have pretty good control over her class. She was like a big kid, preferring to be entertaining and energetic, yet firm when need be. And for my first day here, the students—which consisted of all 10-year-olds—were doing a Summative Practice Test. I could already tell that the kids despised doing this; I would know. I hated this stuff, too.

However, when they finally went over the correct answers for the practice test, many of the students wanted to argue _why_ they thought the 'chosen' answers were wrong. And they seemed ready to prove it, too.

Mrs. C agreed with them, saying, "I know. I know. I agree. Some of these answers are strange, but this is what they want." And she just…left it at that.

Now, I'm not an expert at this kind of stuff, but I think I would have picked a few of the controversial answers and pointed out exactly what they were supposed to look for. I mean, when you're ten—hell, even when you're 16—many of them won't be looking at the test from Seto's standpoint; also known as creepy analytical thinking. They'll just be looking for the answer that makes sense to what they've just read. And they're right to think that way.

But these guys who issue the damn test—which is irrelevant—seems to want these kids to think how _they_ think. I don't know. For some reason, adults always expect children to reason things as an adult would, no matter what age that child might be.

* * *

_**Seto's POV**_

As soon as I stepped through the door, I immediately knew what Mrs. R's teaching method was: raise your voice no matter what. If a student asked a question, she automatically raised her voice. If she asked a student a question, her voice was already raised. It was enough to give me a migraine and we weren't even ten minutes in.

Additionally, one teacher trying to talk over nearly thirty students in from recess does _not _work. And to make things worse, she treated me as if I were just a piece of furniture. She just wanted me to watch the class and understand some of the ways she taught things.

Believe me, I'd learn more watching grass grow than listening to that moron.

* * *

_**Tuesday**_

"So we're switchin' off today?" asked Joey.

"Yes," Seto replied with a groan. "You get to be in Mrs. R's class today and I'll be with Mrs. C. They figured we should be well-rounded in our volunteer work."

"Pfft. Volunteer work my ass. All we do is sit there. I feel like a student, not a volunteer."

"I agree. And watch your damn language."

"Like you should talk."

"Just shut up and get in the damn classroom."

* * *

_**Seto's POV**_

I never thought I would ever meet someone who was absolutely terrified of technology. And Mrs. C fit that description perfectly.

This morning, the students were supposed to be working on their Daily Tune-Up, which consisted of a couple of analogies and a geography question. This was placed upon the overhead projector; it was turned at an angle, so most of the crap on there was completely blurred. Half the class was either sitting or squatting in front of the screen so they could read it.

Marching up to Mrs. C, I asked, "May I fix the overhead projector so that the students can actually _read_ the Daily Tune-Up?"

Her response was bringing up her hands defensively. "Sure. Go ahead. I'm afraid to touch that stuff."

Stifling a groan, I proceeded to the back of the class and asked the students if they could read the screen as is. Many of them said no. So I went to the front of the class, pushed the two big tables there further away from each other, and pulled the overhead projector backward.

All of the students screamed at once. It took everything I had not to scream back.

"I can't read it!" one of them screamed. And all because I hadn't focused the damn thing yet.

After I focused it—and everything was big and legible now—a bunch of the students said, "I don't need my glasses anymore!" and, "He's cool!" That inflated my ego somewhat, I'll admit. And when they gave me a standing ovation, I smirked my triumphant smirk. Take that, Yami.

* * *

_**Joey's POV**_

"I want you to watch for now," said Mrs. R. Great. I got to watch…again. I was starting to feel like wallpaper or something.

Now, I'll admit that I like some of the concepts she has for teaching the material, but I _hate_ the attitude she has toward her students. Her voice is always raised and she has this persona that just screams, "You can't do anything right!"

And she puts these guys under a lot of stress. It feels totally rushed. The students seem pressured when they're trying to think, so they _can't _think. And Mrs. R automatically responds in a negative tone when she's asked a question.

For example, there's this group of kids who go off during most of the school day one day a week. These are the gifted kids. So when they finally came back to class, there were about ten minutes left before school went out. The students who _had _been there all day made sure that these other students got all the papers they needed from that day. One particular packet of papers was for science. It was on the sun and there were some cut-out activities.

So this one girl from the gifted group went over to Mrs. R and asked her what the papers were for. Now, even I know this was a broad question. It could have meant, "What did we do with these papers today?" "Are any of these homework?" "Which ones were done is class? Which ones weren't?"

But what did Mrs. R do?

She yelled. "They're for you science journal!"

The girl turned away and walked back to her desk, frustrated. Mrs. R did _not _need to yell at the kid. I'm really starting to hate this woman.

* * *

_**Wednesday**_

"Are we switchin' places again?" asked Joey.

"Yes," Seto growled. "I'm with Mrs. R and you're with Mrs. C. Joy."

"Don't turn into a piece of furniture."

"Fuck off."

"Language."

* * *

_**Seto's POV**_

How exciting. Not! I was actually given something to do today: separating finished Science Camp packets from unfinished ones. Like that's all I'm capable of.

Anyway, while doing my thrilling job of sorting, a situation arose that made my blood boil. And it all revolved around this kid named Koji. He has a reputation in the class for being quite talkative, but today was my first day meeting him. And he seemed to be pretty active.

The whole class had just come in from recess, so they all seemed to be a bit loud. But that is to be expected.

They were instructed to exchange homework assignments so that they could grade them. Well, that one particular boy—Koji—was making corrections and talking. But his talking was in reference to telling one of the other students across from him that he got the answer wrong.

Mrs. R caught him talking and said, "If you act like a kindergartener, you are going to go to kindergarten."

I don't believe she knew why he was talking in the first place, and—apparently—she'd said this to him many times before.

And then she caught him talking again. But from what I observed, Koji was asking what number the other student had written down; he couldn't read his handwriting.

Again, Mrs. R said that if he acted like a kindergartener, he was going to go to kindergarten.

Then Koji was caught talking a _third _time. He was trying to explain why the other student got the answer wrong, and he was trying to help him.

"That's it!" screamed Mrs. R. "You are going to go to kindergarten this afternoon!"

Koji immediately put his head down on his desk, frustrated because she wouldn't even let him explain _why_ he was talking. This woman was a total bitch! She had no right to treat him that way.

And then it came time for the students to switch back to their appropriate classes before they were dismissed for lunch. I went with the students back to Mrs. C's class, where Joey was sitting and looking quite happy. I wish I could have felt the same.

"Seto?" Joey started. "Your face…"

"What about it?" I quipped.

"It's turnin' red."

"…"

"Now…it's gettin' purple."

When Mrs. R came into Mrs. C's room, I was nearly ready kill something…someone…ANYONE!

"Which do you think I'd get more years in prison for? Killing a kid or killing a teacher?"

Joey blanched. "I…think ya get the same amount of time wither way, Seto. It's…murder."

"…"

"Please don't kill anyone."

"…how many year for maiming, then?"

Before Joey could answer me, Mrs. R went up to Mrs. C to speak with her about Koji. She said, "I told Koji that if he acted like a kindergartener, he was going to go to kindergarten. And he's going to go over there now."

"He has to have lunch," replied Mrs. C, looking confused. "This is his only time to eat."

However, as Mrs. R began to leave—believing that this was the end of it—Koji decided to speak up.

"I was only trying to help someone—" he started, but Mrs. R cut him off.

"I don't want to hear it!" she yelled as she completely blew up at him. Joey even gasped because of how she reacted. "You're going to kindergarten and that's it!"

Koji got really upset by this…to the point where he broke down completely. Even I was stunned by all this. Koji then took his water bottle and threw it at his desk before pulling his hood over his face while he cried.

"I can't take this crap! I wish I was dead!" he sobbed. "If that's what I get for helping someone, I'm not going to help anyone anymore!"

And then he _really _broke down…and he was crying quite badly. From what I saw, that was _not_ normal behavior for a child of that age.

I stayed behind with Joey after Mrs. R left. Mrs. C then went over to Koji and said that he could collect himself and then go to lunch. And then she left the classroom.

"Wait! She's just gonna leave him here?" Joey exclaimed.

"Hn. Stay here and keep an eye on him. I'm going to have a little _chat_ with her," I said as I stormed after Mrs. C.

"So," started Mrs. C before I had the chance to. "Is what Mrs. R said about Koji true or was she just being herself?"

She _knew _this woman was like this? What kind of a fucked up school were we volunteering in? But I told her what really happened regardless.

"And I don't believe the behavior he displayed was normal," I added after my explanation. "Teachers should _listen_ to their students instead of cutting them off, otherwise they might not talk to you—or any adult—when you want or need them to."

She pursed her lips at that. But then we returned to her classroom, where Joey was standing like a frightened animal. Koji was still crying.

"Hey, have you eaten anything yet?" asked Mrs. C.

"No," sniffed Koji.

"Okay," she said. "I'm going to go talk to Mrs. R." And then she left.

"What the hell just happened?" hissed Joey. It seemed he'd overcome his shock. "What is this? A prison camp? I'm about ready to pull out that woman's fingernails one by one."

"I think bamboo shoots under the fingernails might be more my style."

"Mokuba doesn't have any teachers like that woman, does he?"

"…"

"Seto?"

"As soon as we get home, I'm running background checks on all his teachers…again. Maybe I'll even install some security cameras in his classrooms."

"Ya scare me sometimes."

"Only sometimes?"

"Koji?" called Mrs. C as she came back into the classroom. "I talked to Mrs. R and you're not going to go to kindergarten. And she would like to talk to you."

Koji finally pulled down his hood and got up. His eyes were red and swollen from crying. Then he left for Mrs. R's class.

While Mrs. C walked off to keep both classes in their line for lunch, Koji spoke with Mrs. R in her classroom. Joey and I didn't know what was being said, but he eventually came out looking a bit better.

I swear, if something like this happens again, I'm going to murder this woman…and I won't get caught.

* * *

_**Thursday**_

"No."

"But Mr. Kaib—"

"No."

"Will you just—"

"N—"

_Double smack!_

"What the hell was that for?" Seto demanded as he glared at both Joey and Mrs. C, who'd taken it upon themselves to smack him in the back of the head.

"Would ya just listen to the woman?" the blond snarled.

"As I was saying," Mrs. C stated sternly, "I want the two of you to give a lesson today."

"Ya mean we gotta teach?"

"More or less. I'd prefer it if you could keep the students occupied for at least three hours. Your lesson will need to cover both English and history. I'll give you until their morning recess to come up with a lesson plan, and then you'll have from then until their lunch hour to give it. Understood?"

"Whatever," Seto mumbled as he grabbed both books the students used for English and history.

"You may go to the library to prepare. Have fun," she said before tending to her animated class.

As the two teens trudged to the library, Joey looked through the English book while Seto skimmed through the history one. And once they got to the library, they began brainstorming.

"I suppose we can make a list of terms from their history text and cover the chapters for the unit their studying. They can look up the terms and define them," suggested Seto.

Joey groaned. "But that's so borin'."

"If you have any better ideas, I propose you do it now before I lose my patience."

"Okay! Geez, lighten up, would ya?" the blond said with a frown. "Look, we gotta cover both English and history, right? So why don't we combine the two subjects and give them an activity that'll keep occupied the whole time."

"That's basically what she told us to do."

"I ain't done talkin' yet!" Joey snapped.

"Shh!" hissed the librarian.

"Sorry!" the blond whispered, looking sheepish. "As I was sayin', I kinda like your idea of pickin' out terms—they do need to know this stuff—but it's just a bit borin' definin' terms. So how about we divide the kids up into groups, assign them each a list of different words, and get them to come up with somethin' to help themselves and their classmates understand and remember the terms."

Seto blinked a few times before speaking. "I think that's the most complex thing you've ever said."

"Shut up!"

"Shh!

"Sorry!"

"However, I do understand where you're coming from. But there is a slight problem with your idea," remarked Seto.

"Huh? What's that?"

"What are they going to be _doing_ with these words? What sort of activity should it be?"

"Um…how about poetry? We can have them put the terms we select into a poem that they can write in their groups. And we'll have combined both English and history. Maybe havin' them present their poems will kill some of that three hour timeframe."

"…"

"What?"

"I don't do poetry."

"No one said ya had to write a poem. The kids are gonna do that."

"I hate poetry!"

"Seto, all we gotta do is give directions for the lesson, let them loose to work, and they present in the end!"

"I will _not _be forced to sit through—"

"SHH!"

* * *

They'd gone with Joey's lesson plan…much to Seto's dismay. And after about an hour or so, all groups had written their history poems.

And the first group was about to present their poem.

"The Bill of Rights / stops fights," began the kid.

Seto groaned. He had to sit through two hours of this? "Shoot me now."

* * *

_**Friday**_

"I'm seriously considering murdering someone today," Seto mumbled.

Joey just sighed in agitation at his behavior.

"Since your lesson yesterday was such a great success," began Mrs. C excited, "I've decided to let you two give another lesson today. The kids loved writing those poems yesterday, so if you could come up with something like that again, I'm sure it'll be a success. I'll leave you two to it then."

And she deserted them in the library.

"Okay, hotshot. Any more bright ideas?" Seto said with a heated glare.

"Uh…how about…riddles?" the blond replied, shrinking under his gaze.

"What about them?"

"We could have the kids write riddles. But they could write those by themselves this time."

"They're only ten. They don't have the capacity to create a riddle."

"Why do ya gotta make things so difficult?" Joey roared.

"SHH!"

The blond slammed his head on the table, which only earned him another shushing. "What if we tell them what to write a riddle for?"

Seto seemed to contemplate this. "You mean we each give them a different word, that being the answer to their riddle?"

"Yeah. We give them the answer and they write the riddle. And we could have them share again. Maybe try and get the class to answer their riddles?"

"Sounds like a plan."

* * *

The riddle poems had been a success, much to Joey and Seto's relief. And it was a perfect way to end the day. The kids had fun and both Mrs. C and Mrs. R were pissed off. The students responded much better to the two teens than them, and the young ones already had a growing respect for the two teens.

It was enough to make Seto want to rub it in their faces.

"Well, we're glad to have had you two this week working with our students," began Mrs. C.

"Yes. It was a nice change for them," added Mrs. R.

"Thanks," said Joey, utterly pleased.

"So we look forward to what the two of you come up with next week," continued Mrs. C.

"Next week?" Seto blurted. "What do you mean next week?"

"Your volunteer work has been extended to include another week," said Mrs. R. "So we'll probably let you two give another lesson or two. Oh! And we also have a field trip you'll be chaperones for."

"Bye!"

"Have a nice weekend!"

Seto and Joey stood rooted to their spots.

"Another week?"

"Field trip?

* * *

**Author's Note – For those of you who are curious, there will be a sequel. And it will be quite entertaining. I'll have Seto take charge of some lessons next time.**


	56. Secretary

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – All fangirls out there would do this…

* * *

**Secretary (Rated T)**

"You can't come here anymore," stated Seto seriously from his chair in the Kaiba Corp. office.

Joey froze. "Huh? Why not?"

"Because…you just can't."

"Ya can't just drop a bomb like that on me and not explain why! What? Am I not good enough for ya anymore? Is that it?" the blond ranted.

"Joey, wait. You don't understand!"

"What is there to understand? Ya don't want me!"

"It's not like that at all! It's _her_!" the brunet shouted.

Joey paused. "_Her_ who?"

"My secretary," Seto replied, a blank look on his face.

"…what about her?"

"She has…a very special set of skills," the brunet began slowly. "They consist of security installation and…hacking."

"And? What's your point?" questioned the blond.

"And…she's also a bit of a…yaoi fangirl…"

Joey's eyes widened dramatically. "Ya mean—"

"Yes. She saw. _Everything_."

"SHE SAW YA TAKE ME ON THE DESK?" the blond roared, a horrified expression on his face.

But Seto continued to act calmly. "So you understand why you can't come to my office anymore."

"Fire her ass!"

"I can't."

"Why the hell not?" Joey's face burned red in embarrassment and anger.

Seto looked drained. "She's threatened to release the…_footage_ if I do."

From outside the office, the two could hear the maniacal laughter of the secretary.

* * *

**Author's Note – Hope you enjoyed that.**


	57. DDR

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – Reizbar-Ookami was too drained to write this one, so I did the honors for her.

* * *

**DDR (Rated T)**

Seto and Joey were in the brunet's gaming room in the mansion, playing a good old round of Dance Dance Revolution. The blond was having the time of his life, but Seto, on the other hand, was about ready to take the game—system included—and throw it out the window.

"GAH! I _hate_ this game! This isn't even dancing!" exclaimed the brunet.

"…ya _could_ put it on beginner," Joey stated hesitantly.

"Never!" replied the brunet. "Let's do it again. I think I've got it this time."

After another round, Seto lost again. But he didn't just lose. He sucked so badly, he couldn't even step on _one _arrow at the right time.

"Why can't I _do_ this?" the brunet growled at the screen.

"I dunno, actually. All ya hafta do is jump on the arrows at the right time. It's not like it's hard."

"Are you _trying _to piss me off even more than I already am?"

"No! I just figured that with how analytical your damn brain is that ya'd be able to do this with no problem."

"…"

"I guess ya can't dance then."

"This _game _isn't dancing; it's jumping and bouncing," stated the brunet.

"Well, if this ain't dancin' then what the hell is?"

Seto approached the blond swiftly and yanked him into a tango position.

"Eek!" Joey yelped.

"_This_ is dancing."

"Here, Seto!" cried Mokuba, tossing Seto a rose from out of nowhere.

"Thank you, Mokuba," replied the brunet.

"Huh?" responded a dumbfounded Joey.

"Some music also, Mokuba."

The young boy turned on some tango music as Seto put the rose in his mouth. Pulling Joey closer to him, he smirked, fully prepared to show the blond what dancing was _really _like.

And, if he was successful, he might be able to get more than dancing out of Joey.

* * *

**Author's Note – Silly but fun.**


	58. Volunteer II

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – Sequel to Volunteer.

* * *

**Volunteer II (Rated T)**

_**Monday**_

Seto felt like beating himself over the head with the small whiteboard he'd been given—or hit Joey with it. He _was_ smirking at him.

Of all the stupid things Mrs. R could have done, this was the worst. Why? Because the stupid old bat thought it would be an excellent idea for him—the great Seto Kaiba—to tutor the kids who were falling behind in math.

And he had to tutor students from both class. These kids were struggling with knowing the difference between finding the perimeter, area, surface area, and volume. The confusion seemed to stem from thinking too hard, not trusting themselves, and feeling as if the material flew by too quickly.

So the students who needed extra help were sent to the back of the classroom where Seto and Joey were. But it was the brunet who had to do the teaching; the blond sucked at math.

Armed with a little whiteboard, a pen, paper towels, and tiny cubes that he could put together for visual aids, Seto attempted to do the impossible.

One thing the brunet began to realize was that each set of students—each class—was vastly different from the other.

Mrs. R's students grasped the concepts rather quickly. Seto gave them examples and practice problems while working with each student through the problems. He even asked them what their units would be, and whether it was normal squared, or cubed.

Mrs. C's students, on the other hand, were much more difficult to work with—mainly because they'd just gotten in from recess. Many of the students who approached Seto's workspace for help were distracted by the other students in the class. And it made it difficult to refocus them on the task at hand.

Seto stifled a groan. One half of the group listened to him while the other half goofed off. And the brunet swore he was starting to grow eyes on the back of his head.

When he had finished writing on the whiteboard, he needed the paper towel to wipe it off. And he just _knew_ one of the kids had swiped it. Keeping himself under control, Seto put out his hand. "Give me the paper towel."

The kid who'd swiped it—looking sheepish—gave it back to him.

And that's when all hell broke loose.

_Beep! Beep! Beep!_

"What the heck is that?" Seto snapped, the high shrill sound deafening him.

Mrs. R leaped out of her chair. "Fire drill! Everybody out! Now!" she screamed, causing mass panic.

Jumping to his feet, Seto declared, "Everyone get in line. I'll take the front, Joey take the back. We'll walk everyone out to the playground." As the students started following the teens' lead, they were safely led to the playground.

A few minutes after standing on the blacktop, the two teens soon discovered that there was no fire. It was just a drill; a drill the teachers hadn't been informed of.

After another fifteen minutes of shrill beeping, the incessant ringing finally stopped and they returned to the classroom. But that didn't make the sound induced headache go away.

* * *

_**Tuesday**_

Joey hated the library with a passion. But that didn't stop Mrs. C taking the students there to check out their books for the week. Normally, after the kids checked out their books, Mrs. C would read something out of a novel to them afterward. But this time, Joey had the honors.

Mrs. C had been reading them a book given to her by one of her students. It was a Disneyworld book of some kind that had a bit of mystery in it or something. The blond wasn't sure; he normally spaced out when she read.

When Joey had been handed the book, he skimmed through it. The novel sounded really dull…and too factual to really keep _these _kids interested.

_How the hell am I supposed to make this sound interestin'? _he thought to himself. He _really_ didn't want to read this crap.

But when everyone had settled down and he began reading, he actually didn't have to read for as long as he thought he would have. In fact, a few minutes in, nearly all the students had fallen asleep.

Joey turned to Mrs. C then. "I knew this was a borin' book."

* * *

_**Wednesday**_

Testing day. Why the hell did they need to be here during testing day? What was the point of volunteer work if you had to sit in the back of the room—quietly—while students took nothing but tests all day? Had they volunteered to be human furniture or something?

But perhaps those thoughts had been premature, for after morning recess, the _real _fun began.

All of the students had to run the mile. And Seto and Joey ended up securing the job of measuring the heights of the students as well as weighing them _after_ they finished running.

The scale they used was horrible. Seto figured it must have been made around the same time the dinosaurs had lived. It seemed like it needed oil—or _something_ to lubricate all the stiff parts. And sometimes the lever used to measure the height of the students came crashing down on them without warning. Of course it was _that _part that was loose.

What made matters worse was _recording _the information on the makeshift chart they'd been given. It was basically a roll sheet with lines. Joey had such a hard time finding names that he'd passed the damn thing off to Seto, but he didn't have much luck either. They only knew their first names, not their last names. So it was just a bunch of numbers and last names.

Fifty-seven…to be exact.

And that wasn't the worst part.

The two teens never knew ten-year-olds could smell that badly either. Body odor was definitely an issue with many of these students. Mokuba never smelled like that. Just what were parents _teaching _their kids these days?

And to make matters worse, the weather was extremely hot and muggy. The kids were sweating like crazy…and they were smelly…

* * *

_**Thursday**_

They were going to a field trip…to a Tech Museum. Any other day, Seto would have been interested, but when you had _five kids_ you were personally responsible for looking after, it kind of put a damper on that.

And his group consisted of five bouncy, hyper girls. But they behaved quite well. Unfortunately for Joey, he was cursed with five demon spawn from hell. Someone had already been stabbed with a pencil and they weren't even in the damn museum for five minutes.

However, when they reached the museum, everyone was led to a room where they would have a classroom lab; and this lab would be on buoyancy. With the students being divided up into groups of four, the instructor for the lab gave them their instruction: they had to create _one_ object that would sink to the bottom of the tubs of water and then float back to the top. And all this would happen with the use of household materials.

But it seemed that most of them preferred playing in the tubs of water given them.

After some time, they were asked to demonstrate their floating, sinking, and hovering project. And one particular group had Seto intrigued.

They had filled a water bottle with small rocks, drilled a hole in the top of it with a straw fitting through the hole, and a balloon stretched over the mouth of the water bottle. When they dropped it into the tub of water, it sank. But then they blew air through the straw to fill up the balloon, therefore making to float back to the top.

Seto was quite impressed by this. Especially since they weren't allowed to use their hands to detach or empty anything. He'd have to look into these four kids when they got older. He might be able to use them at his company.

* * *

_**Friday**_

"Please?" Joey begged. "I'm gonna space out if I hafta listen to these guys talk about history."

Seto groaned and tossed his head back, annoyance evident on his face. Mock senate hearings were coming up for the students, and it had originally been Joey's job to test them on their knowledge of their given topics with feedback being provided.

But Joey didn't want to do it. Knowing him, he'd fall asleep before the kids even started talking.

"Fine. I'll do it," the brunet grumbled, taking the seat offered him. Now, all he had to do was sit and…listen.

And boy did he wish he wasn't here. So many of these kids applied their situations to within their school. But they needed to think _outside_ of their school. And most of them didn't have the historical background to support the answers to their questions.

So it didn't come as a surprise when Seto finally gave into his inner demons. "Why?" he asked a student suddenly, stopping him. "Can you expand on what you've said?"

What Seto had been expecting in response wasn't _this_. The kid had burst into tears at his question and was currently sobbing.

"What the hell?" the brunet hissed. He'd only asked a fucking question! And he hadn't even said it…_meanly_!

"Gimme a break, kid!" Joey snapped as he jumped to his feet. "He just asked ya put more detail into your question. Ya don't need to cry about it!"

"Mr. Wheeler," scolded Mrs. C. "That is no way to comfort someone when he's been hurt."

"Hurt? He was asked a simple question and then burst into tears! How the hell was he hurt?" the blond retaliated.

"That's it!" screeched Mrs. C. "I want the both of you out of my classroom this instant!"

The two teens didn't have to hear that twice, for they were out of there before she even finished her sentence.

As they walked down the halls side by side, they hurriedly made their way out of the school.

"It's official," started Seto.

"What is?" responded Joey.

"Doing this volunteer work shit has officially made me not want kids."

"Aw, don't say that," the blond replied with a nudge. "With _you_ as a dad, they wouldn't turn out like these brats."

"…and with you as their mom, there's hope they wouldn't be a complete loss."

Joey paused. "And just how am I supposed to interpret _that_?"

Seto smirked. "Anyway you want."

* * *

**Author's Note – Do not ask for a sequel to this. I will not write one.**


	59. Mannequin

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – This lovely drabble was inspired by **Reizbar-Ookami**. I love you, Reiz!

* * *

**Mannequin (Rated T)**

Joey stifled the agitated groan he knew would escape his mouth when he gazed up at the sign for his new place of work. _K.C. Clothes_ was a clothing store for _gentlemen_, and it was sponsored by none other than Kaiba Corp., or rather, _Seto Kaiba_.

The blond, being the new night janitor for the place, stepped into the store and immediately jumped backward in shock. "Kaiba?" he yelled, his stance taking on that of someone from a kung fu movie.

But the stoic figure didn't move. Inching closer, Joey discovered that the thing he'd mistaken for Kaiba was, in fact, nothing but a mannequin.

"What the fuck?" he mumbled, glancing around the store _thoroughly_ this time. "Ya've gotta be kiddin' me."

Upon further inspection of his workplace, the blond discovered that all the mannequins in the store had been designed to look like Kaiba himself, complete with blue eyes and brown hair. It was like he'd been dropped into an alternate universe with no one but his sworn enemy in his midst.

Great. This was just what he needed. He'd hoped to get _away_ from the brunet. Now he'd been surrounded by the likeness of him where he worked. Could he never get a break?

It started to make him wonder if people could buy the Kaiba mannequins. Who knew what kind of weird, freaky things people would do them. That was enough to make the blond shiver.

"I take it you got a good look around the place?" someone questioned.

Joey turned, spotting his new boss, Mr. Hashi. "Uh, yeah. I guess so."

"I'll give you a thorough rundown of what you're to do while you're here, give you access to your cleaning supplies, and then you should be good to go, all right?"

"Yeah, sure," replied the blond, frowning back at the Kaiba mannequins as he followed Mr. Hashi.

* * *

_Finally!_ Joey thought to himself when Mr. Hashi finally left. Now he could work in peace. Even though he was alone in the store—save the night guard—he felt content just working without having someone hovering over his shoulder every two seconds.

Pushing his janitor cart down the clothing isles, he stopped every now and then to refold shirts or hang up clothes, and dusting shelves off here and there.

But as he turned into another isle, he nearly jumped out of his skin, almost dropping his duster in the process when he spotted three dark figures at the end of the isle.

"Stupid mannequins!" he hissed, placing a hand over his racing heart when he realized he was in no immediate danger. "And why do they gotta look like fuckin' Kaiba?"

Roughly pushing his cart toward the ominous mannequins, Joey decided to let out his aggression a little bit. Grabbing some cleaning spray, he shot some of the liquid into the eyes of one of the Kaiba mannequins.

"Take that, ya jerk," the blond mumbled, rubbing viciously at the fake brunet's face. He even kicked the mannequin for good measure. But that only made the leg pop off. "Shit."

Feeling up the mannequin's leg in order to determine where to pop it back in, Joey fumbled around with it until he felt it slide in.

And promptly slide back out again. "Aw, come on!" he seethed.

After trying to pop the leg in several times, he was about ready to rip the damn mannequin to shreds and beat the other mannequins with whatever limb he could get a hold of. However, he really wanted to keep this job, so he just propped the leg up as best as he could.

Stepping back to admire his handiwork, he smiled smugly. No one would be able to tell he'd broken it…unless someone touched it, of course. But he'd worry about that later. He still had work to do.

Turning on his heel, Joey jumped and fell into the mannequin he'd been trying to fix when he spotted another mannequin. These stupid mannequins were everywhere! He was going to get a heart attack at this rate! And when the hell had that mannequin gotten there? Had it always been that close?

Grumbling to himself, the blond grabbed his spray bottle, determined to give another mannequin a piece of his mind. But before he could spray the mannequin in the eyes, its hand shot out and grabbed his wrist, making Joey scream bloody murder.

"DEMON MANNEQUIN! SECURITY!" the blond screamed frantically as he tried to relinquish the mannequin's hold on him.

"You really are an idiot."

Joey's jaw dropped. "You're not a mannequin."

"Well, aren't you the genius," stated the _real_ Seto Kaiba as he released the blond's wrist.

"Ya scared the crap outta me!" declared Joey. "What the hell are ya doin' here, anyway?"

"I thought that would be obvious," replied the brunet as he crossed his arms and smirked.

The blond stared at him blankly. "Obvious to who?"

"Whom."

"Huh?

"You should have said obvious to whom."

"Like I give a shit about that. Did ya just come here to mess with me?"

"Not exactly."

"I'll call security on ya."

"I _own_ this place. Security can't lay a hand on me…no matter what I do to you," Kaiba smirked, taking a step toward the blond.

"Huh?" Joey gasped as the brunet advanced. Stepping on the leg of the broken mannequin, Joey fell, making the other mannequins land on top of him. "Stupid mannequins!"

"I'm going to have to hire a janitor just to clean up _your _mess," stated Kaiba absently as he approached the flailing blond.

"Get these damn things off me! No! Wait! I change my mind! Stay away from me!" Joey freaked when the _real_ Kaiba came closer.

"You look good with me on top of you," the brunet commented shrewdly as he lifted one of the mannequins off the blond. "But the _real_ one would look even better."

Joey eeped when Kaiba moved on top of him, pinning him to the ground. "What the hell are ya doin'?" he shrieked.

"What I came here to do in the first place. You."

"Kaiba!"

* * *

**Author's Note – I hope you guys enjoyed that.**


	60. Stroke Me

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or _Stroke Me _by Mickey Avalon

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – This is a songfic drabble and quite graphic in the sexual sense.

* * *

**Stroke Me (Rated M)**

"I have a surprise for ya," purred Joey as he led Seto toward their bedroom.

"What kind of surprise?" the brunet inquired skeptically. "If it's anything like that food fetish thing you had us do, count me out."

"How the hell was I supposed to know ya were allergic to strawberries?" yelled the blond as he rounded on his lover. "That wasn't my fault! Ya never told me!"

"Let's…not relive that moment," Seto said, already feeling drained. "Now what's this surprise? And it better not be an animal, either."

"Again! How was I supposed to know ya were allergic to cats, too? I go out and get us a pet, and then ya start actin' like ya can't breathe!"

"I _couldn't_ breathe!"

"Well, if ya told me what the fuck ya were allergic to in the first place, we wouldn't have problems like this! Now get in the damn bedroom!" Joey roared as he shoved Seto into said room.

As soon as he got him in there, the blond shoved his lover into a chair that had been placed near the center of the room, with a—

"Why is there a stripper pole in here?" Seto demanded, narrowing him eyes at Joey.

"What? Are ya allergic to poles now?"

"_You _don't seem to be since I take you every n—"

"Shut up and stay in the damn chair!"

* * *

_**Come and stroke me**__**  
**__**It's as easy as 123**__**  
**__**Come and stroke me**__**  
**__**I'll touch you if you touch me**_

* * *

Seto remained seated in the chair that had been provided for him…and immediately cringed. This had to be the most uncomfortable chair on the planet. It was hard and cold and—

"Oh, Seto?"

The brunet's head snapped up, his eyes glued to his lover as he witnessed the blond slowly remove his dark jacket, exposing the tightest black shirt he'd ever seen Joey wear. It was enough to make his throat go dry.

"Yes?" Had his voice just cracked?

"I want ya to stay right there while I…dance for ya," he replied slowly as he sauntered over to the side of the room. A song immediately began playing. And it made the brunet's body heat up instantly. Joey was going to strip for him!

Clenching the arms of the chair in his hands, he watched as the blond sauntered over to the stripper pole, which had been placed right before him. Swallowing hard, he could only stare as Joey began to dance.

* * *

_**Grab a hold of my**__**johnson**__**I want some,**__**  
**__**Put away that fake ID from Wisconsin**__**  
**__**If you're over 18 then it's on**__**  
**__**I don't give a shit if you live with your mom**__**  
**__**I know you heard about me**__**  
**__**Mickey Avalon raps Ron Jeremy**__**  
**__**Don't talk, drop to your knees and I'll show you what the fuck I mean**_

* * *

Joey placed one hand behind him and grasped the pole, sliding up and down it in an erotic manner. He smirked when he saw Seto flinch.

Deciding to turn up the heat some, the blond turned around with his back facing the brunet, bending over as he thrust hips in time with the beat of the song before twirling around the pole.

* * *

_**Hey little lady don't you say maybe**__**  
**__**You and I could leave right now**__**  
**__**Let's get naked shake your money maker**__**  
**__**Baby I'mma show you how to…**_

* * *

Seto bit his lip when Joey began playing with the hem of his too tight shirt. And when he pulled the shirt off and tossed it to the side before dancing with the pole again, he felt his erection pushing against his pants quite uncomfortably.

"Ya wanna stroke me, Seto?" the blond moaned, cupping a hand over his own erection and began rubbing.

* * *

_**Come and Stroke me (How to stroke me!)**__**  
**__**It's as easy as 123**__**  
**__**Come and Stroke me (How to stroke me!)**__**  
**__**I'll touch you if you touch me**_

* * *

Joey popped open the top to his jeans and pulled his zipper down _very_ slowly. Hooking his thumbs around the hem, he rocked his hips from side to side as he gradually lowered the jeans down his body. Once they reached the floor, he kicked them off to the side.

He then ran his hands down his chest, pinching his nipples in the process. The blond gasped, tracing the muscles on his taut abdomen as his hands hovered above his pelvis.

* * *

_**Let me take you back to my stabbin' cabin**__**  
**__**Beta max roll with the action**__**  
**__**Pornographic passion**__**  
**__**Californication bastards**__**  
**__**Cassius Clay when I'm jabbin punani**__**  
**__**Like Cunanan in a Versace mansion**__**  
**__**Baby let's get naughty**__**  
**__**Shake your body**_

* * *

Seto inwardly groaned as his lover approached him. The brunet jerked when Joey straddled his lap, tossing his head back slightly as he stared into his eyes with pure lust.

The blond ground his hips into Seto's, eliciting a sharp intake of breath on the brunet's part. But when Seto tried to grasp Joey's hips, the blond smacked his hands away.

"Oh, no. Ya don't get to touch…_yet_," stated Joey huskily, grinding his hips once more and lowering his head to Seto's neck. The brunet could feel the blond's hot breath searing his skin.

* * *

_**Hey little lady don't you say maybe**__**  
**__**You and I could leave right now**__**  
**__**Let's get naked shake your money maker**__**  
**__**Baby I'mma show you how to…**_

* * *

"Ya want me, don't ya?" Joey whispered, running his tongue up Seto's neck. "Ya want to put your dick in me. Pound into me. Don't ya?"

Holy shit! His lover was talking dirty to him! This was completely unlike the blond, but who was he to _not _comply. "Yes. I want you so much right now," he growled.

Joey nipped at Seto's neck, liking the bruises he was creating. "How bad do ya want me, Seto? Really bad?"

"So bad."

* * *

_**Stroke me, stroke me (How to stroke me!)**__**  
**__**It's as easy as 123**__**  
**__**Stroke me, stroke me (How to stroke me!)**__**  
**__**I'll touch you if you touch me**_

* * *

"Ya wanna touch me? Mark me? _Violate_ me?" Joey moaned, rubbing against Seto erotically.

"So much," ground out the brunet. But this time, he grabbed the blond's hips—consequences be damned—and flipped the both of them over on the chair.

Joey looked up at him in surprise, but immediately began smirking as he rubbed Seto's already hard erection using the palm of his hand. "Someone's eager."

"Not eager enough," growled the brunet as he ripped off his lover's underwear. "You prepped yourself, too? Someone _is _being dirty tonight."

"What're ya gonna do about it?"

* * *

_**Touch t-t-touch me**__**  
**__**Touch t-t-touch me**__**  
**__**I gotta lot of Led in my Zeppelin**__**  
**__**So**__**step**__**in and climb my stairway to Heaven**__**  
**__**I'm rockin electric**__**  
**__**Ta-talk to me sexy**__**  
**__**Leslie don't mind when I call her Lindsay**__**  
**__**Blowhan slow down before you hit me**__**  
**__**Let me get a look at the goods**__**  
**__**She said that she wouldn't but I knew that she would**_

* * *

"You have _no_ idea what you do to me," panted Seto as he fiddled with the front of his pants. "This is going to be quick. You certainly know how to work me up."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Joey gasped as the brunet threw his legs over his shoulders and thrust into him. "Ah! Mn!"

"You asked for it."

* * *

_**Hey little lady don't you say maybe**__**  
**__**You and I could leave right now**__**  
**__**Let's get naked shake your money maker**__**  
**__**Baby**__**I'mma show you how to…**_

* * *

Joey moaned loudly as Seto fiercely picked up the pace, pounding into him relentlessly. The hot, burning feeling in the pit of his stomach was almost too much to bear, but he wanted—no, needed—it to last.

"Don't make me…mn…not yet!" the blond groaned.

"Too late," stated the brunet, wrapping his smooth hand around Joey's painfully erect member. With a quick flick of his wrist, he had Joey cumming hard all over his hand.

"Seto!" the blond screamed as he came all over the both of them. The brunet wasn't far behind.

Lowering himself over Joey as he came off of his high, Seto looked his flushed lover over. "I really liked this surprise better than the last ones."

"Yeah. I figured as much," the blond replied breathlessly. "Ya definitely know how to stroke me."

"And you definitely know how to stroke my ego. Are you ready for another round?"

"Do ya really need to ask?"

* * *

_**Stroke me, stroke me (How to stroke me!)**__**  
**__**It's as easy as 123**__**  
**__**Stroke me, stroke me (How to stroke me!)**__**  
**__**I'll touch you if you touch me**_

* * *

**Author's Note – Hopefully I've sated those of you for now who've been begging me for porn, right Reiz?**


	61. Captive

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – I devote this drabble to ALL of my readers.

* * *

**Captive (Rated M)**

Joey groaned, his senses gradually coming back one by one. His brain seemed to pound relentlessly against his skull, preventing him from opening his eyes for very long; whenever he tried, he immediately shut them. It was as if his eyes had dilated completely.

Swallowing, he noted that his throat was dry—chapped, even—from lack of sufficient fluids, with his breathing somewhat shallow and strained. Inhaling deeply, he tugged at the cold, metal shackles around his wrists that held him from the ceiling. They were still as unyielding as they had been three days ago.

Three days. He'd been here—trapped with a madman—for three whole days.

Raising his head ever so slightly, he tried once more to open his eyes. The room looked as it had the day he'd been strung up like a slab of meat. It was a small room that looked like something of a bunker. There was a small bed off to the side with a door that led to a tiny bathroom.

There were no windows, so he wasn't aware of what time it actually was. He only knew it had been three days because _he_ had told him so.

The blond jolted when the door to the room suddenly opened, revealing the man who'd made him his captive. Joey attempted a snarl, but his face was so numb, his body so weak, that an expression of any kind hardly came across his face.

"Good afternoon, Joey," said Kaiba calmly, shutting the door behind him and locking it. He approached the blond and stroked his cheek. "I've missed you."

If he'd had enough saliva in his mouth, Joey would have spit on him. But even if he had, he wouldn't have had the energy to do so.

"You know, it's not very nice to be rude to your host," the brunet said coldly, squeezing the blond's face roughly as he yanked him forward. "I said…good afternoon, Joey."

"Good…afternoon," he replied huskily. It was better to respond and appease him before he did something the blond would _really_ regret.

"Much better," stated Kaiba, a smile appearing on his face. But then a sad look came into his eyes. "I love you."

"I…hate…you," Joey ground out with as much malice as he could muster. "Let me go…_please_."

"I can't do that. You know that," the brunet said hurriedly. "You have to stay here. You're mine. No one else can have you." Kaiba pushed Joey up against the wall and began stroking the blond's cheek again. "I love you," he repeated. "Say it."

"No."

"I said say it."

"…no." He would do anything to appease him…except _that_.

"I said _say_ it!" Kaiba snapped, slapping Joey across the face. However, he immediately began stroking his face again. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. See what you made me do? I'm sorry."

Joey jerked when the brunet kissed the mark that was already beginning to bruise on his face. When Kaiba pulled away, he smiled again. "I love you. Shall we have dinner?"

The brunet didn't wait for a response. Instead he just wandered over to a cabinet on the far side of the room and opened it. Reaching inside, he grabbed a jar of some sort, twisted the lid off, and grabbed a fork. Walking back over to the blond, Kaiba poked at something in the jar with the fork and lifted the item to Joey's face. "Peaches. They're my favorite. Eat it," he demanded softly.

Believing that the brunet would stab him with the fork if he refused, he reluctantly opened his mouth. As soon as he did so, the sickly sweet fruit was shoved into his mouth, the juices already turning his stomach. He had to force himself to swallow it. And although he hated the taste, it seemed to revive him somewhat.

Kaiba smiled again. "Good. Another."

Repeating the process until the jar was empty, the brunet set the jar and fork down and approached Joey, this time coming a bit closer. "I love the taste of peaches. You always smell like them," he said, inhaling the blond's scent. "It's another reason why I love you so much. But I wonder…"

Joey braced himself.

"Do you taste like them, too?" he asked, he face hovering in front of the blond's. Yanking Joey's head toward his, he licked the blond's lips, forcing his tongue past them and into his mouth.

The sudden _kiss_ shocked Joey so much that he didn't know how to respond. But even when his senses came back to him, he reluctantly let the brunet have his way. Things might get worse if he didn't comply. And he was too weak to fight back.

Gradually, Kaiba pulled away, still smiling. "You do taste like them," he sighed.

Joey wanted to throw up, but all he could do was cry. The tears already began forming in his eyes, and when one escaped, Kaiba leaned into him.

The brunet rubbed the tear away with his thumb. "It's okay," he said as soothingly as he could. "I love you. That's all that matters."

Wrapping his arms around the blond, Kaiba attempted a hug, but even _he _knew he was failing at that—and miserably. "I have to go now, Joey. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you."

And with that, Kaiba left.

The sobs finally wracked Joey's poor body, but it wasn't like anyone would be able to hear him. He'd found that out on day one. The room was underneath Kaiba Mansion…and it was soundproof.

* * *

Two days.

It had been two days since Kaiba had last come to see him. And he'd known as soon as the brunet walked through the door that things would end badly. He looked angry…distraught…and frantic.

But Joey didn't care. He was too weak, too lethargic. It took everything he had just to stay conscious.

When Kaiba finally came up to him, however, he stared at him coldly. "You smell," he spat.

The blond barely knew what happened next. One moment he was hanging from the ceiling by his arms, and the next he'd been stripped naked. But there was another difference; his arms were free; however, he didn't have the strength to move them.

"Let's clean you up," said Kaiba in a soft voice as he carried the limp blond into the bathroom. Placing Joey in the empty tub, the brunet soon discarded his clothes and stepped into the tub and began filling it with water.

"No," the blond whispered tiredly as the brunet began washing him.

"I need to make you—_us_—clean. We need to be clean."

As Kaiba continued to ramble, Joey tried to put the pieces together. What was he missing?

"All done," blurted the brunet, drawing the blond from his thoughts.

Hearing the water begin running down the drain, Joey felt himself being lifted again, his feverish flesh scalding Kaiba's cold form. When they reentered the main room, the blond fully expected to be chained up again. But he'd been placed on the bed instead.

With the pillow neatly tucked under his head, the brunet began stroking his hair. "I have bad news…very bad news."

A choked sob escaped Kaiba. Joey had _never_ seen him like this before.

"Mokuba's gone. He's gone. He left me. So much blood…everywhere!" he cried.

Mokuba…was gone? Did that mean he was dead?

"I'm all alone now," said Kaiba as he laughed hollowly. "No. Not alone. You're with me. Always with me."

Joey watched at the brunet got up and started pacing, growing more and more hysterical by the minute.

"I can't do this. I can't do this. Gone. Everything's gone," Kaiba ranted as he yanked on his hair.

And suddenly…he just stopped. Turning his head, his cold eyes bore holes into Joey's. He approached the bed and kneeled next to it. "I know what to do now. And we'll be together forever, Joey."

The blond's eyes widened in fear when he laughed again, but he soon grew serious again.

"Let's die together," stated Kaiba as he ran his fingers through Joey's hair. He leaned down and kissed the blond on the lips, not even noticing as Joey tried to pull away. "I'll be right back."

Joey tried to clench the blankets beneath him in his hands as soon as Kaiba left. He tried to pull himself upright on the bed in order to attempt making an escape, but he was just too weak. The blond collapsed on the bed, his heart pounding two times too fast.

And then Kaiba returned, a small knife in his hand, and the happiest expression Joey had ever seen on his face. Fear consumed the blond as the brunet made his way to the bed.

"This will be really quick. We'll just fade away…together. Doesn't that sound nice?" stated Kaiba.

"Please…don't do this," Joey begged. But maybe…if he did what he adamantly refused to do, Kaiba would reconsider. "I-I…love you."

The brunet paused, staring at him as if it were the first time he'd ever seen him. "What?"

"I love you…Seto," said the blond. _Please work_, he thought.

Kaiba smiled sweetly at him. He knelt next to Joey on the bed again and took his hand in his. "I love you, too, Joey. That's why I have to do this."

The blond gave a silent scream as Kaiba dug the tip of the knife on the underside of his wrist and dragged it down his arm, blood immediately dispersing from his arm.

Feeling the brunet climb onto the bed and lay behind him, he didn't know Kaiba had slit his own wrist until his arm wrapped around his waist. Joey could feel the brunet's blood flowing down his skin and soaking into the blankets beneath them.

"No," the blond gasped, feeling his vision dim as his heart gradually began to slow.

"I…love you…Joey," Kaiba whispered.

Those were the final words the both of them would ever hear.

* * *

**Author's Note – It's time that everyone had a lesson in genre as well as life.**

**Not everything in life has a happy ending, so neither should everything an author writes. If an author chooses to write something that's bittersweet or tragic, it does not take away from the value of the piece, nor does it lower the quality of the work.**

**Life is filled with compassion as well as cruelty, so make the right choices in life. Got it?**


	62. Hypnagogia

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated T for Teen (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – It seems a few people didn't take too kindly to my author's note in the most recent chapter of **Dragon Saga**. So let me explain why I said what I said.

Whenever I receive repetitive questions or demands from readers—through either reviews or PMs—I tend to make a note of that in an author's note. I make it short, blunt, and to the point. It's more or less a blah blah blah from an overbearing parent who might be getting merely annoyed by being asked the same question over and over again. Some of you may understand that feeling all too well. Like a little kid asking why to everything you say?

I then answer it in an author's note so we can move on; that way you'll be able to focus on other things if you choose to review my fics or send me a PM. As for the two reviews that attacked both me and Reizbar-Ookami directly last night, I felt it was an inappropriate and immature response. If you, as readers, have any issues in regards to what I put in an author's note, PM me so that we can talk about it and make things right.

Don't leave me a review that attacks and insults me and disable your PM feature. You know what I'm referring to **Sock 23**. I was going to speak with you as I did with the other reviewer, but your PM feature has been disabled. But don't bother enabling it now; I have you blocked.

Throughout my time writing for everyone on Fanfic, I have defended my readers/reviewers as well as other writers, I've listened to the life stories you've shared with me, I've encouraged others and helped them through situations they've been dealing with, and I've always said that if you need to talk to me about anything that you can…because I am here to help, to inspire, to inform, to make you laugh and cry in a way that guides you on the journey of growing up.

I appreciate the reviews I receive. I only ask that your reviews, if you state that you didn't like a particular fic or chapter, elaborate a little bit more on what we as authors can work on to make it more enjoyable for you.

* * *

**Hypnagogia (Rated T)**

Joey's mind gradually roused to consciousness. He opened his eyes, only seeing that it was still the middle of the night. The room he shared with Seto was completely dark save for the slightest sliver of moonlight peeking through the curtain.

The blond felt Seto's presence behind him, his breathing slow and steady from being in a deep sleep. He wanted to turn, but Joey couldn't move a single part of his body. It was as if he was paralyzed. All he could do was open his eyes and close them.

And it terrified him.

He tried moving his arm, but it didn't work. The blond even imagined his arm moving, willing it to move, but it just wouldn't. What was wrong with him?

His breathing began to quicken. Maybe if he called for Seto, woke him up. Maybe the brunet would be able to help him move again. But as he made to speak his lover's name, no sound passed his lips. He couldn't talk either?

He needed to wake Seto up! He needed to do something! The inability to move was making him panic! Couldn't the brunet sense his racing heart? Joey decided to fill his lungs with as much air as he possibly could, forcing it out of his chest in an attempt to make a sound. Anything. A moan, a grunt, a scream.

But there was nothing.

The blond squeezed his eyes shut and concentrated on his body. He was paralyzed. However, there was something more to it than that. He also felt as if he was being crushed, like someone or something heavy rested on his body, preventing him from moving at all.

He hoped—after a while—that this phenomena would fade, but it only persisted, making what should have been a good night's rest transform into the longest, most frightening experience of his life.

What felt like hours—but in reality was probably only a few minutes—Joey began to feel vibrations. And he could have sworn he heard someone talking. As he listened closely—eyes still closed—he realized it was nothing, which meant Seto was still asleep.

Deciding to open his eyes again, he did, and he immediately wanted to close them. Standing at the foot of the bed, shrouded in darkness, stood someone. The figure didn't move, but Joey just _knew _he was being stared at, examined even.

And suddenly, an elevated sense of fear and dread consumed him. He'd _never_ felt like this before! Ever! All he could do was stare at the shadowy figure before him with his heart racing as if he'd run a marathon.

Joey wanted to move, scream, cry out for help. But that just wasn't possible. So he closed his eyes and wished it all away.

Soon enough, his body was free. It felt as if a great weight had lifted from his body and had moved on. However, his limbs still felt heavy. It took great effort to move his numb yet tingling limbs.

But as soon as he was able to move successfully, he sat up in the bed, opened his eyes and glanced around the room. The shadowy figure had disappeared. Had he just been having a nightmare? But it felt so real. You weren't supposed to _feel _anything in your dreams, right? So why had he been able to physically feel like something had been weighing down on him?

Running a hand through his hair, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood. As the blond headed for the bathroom, the only thing that kept flashing in his mind was the need for light. He needed to turn on the light. Whatever he had just experienced made him suddenly afraid of the dark. It was as if it wasn't safe anymore.

Stepping into the bathroom, Joey fumbled for the switch. He breathed a sigh of relief when light flooded the small room. Pressing his back up against the wall, he slid down to the floor and buried his face in his knees.

"Joey? Are you all right?"

The blond raised his head. Apparently the light had woken his lover.

"I don't know," replied Joey, glancing up at the brunet without making eye contact.

Seto kneeled before him and placed a cool hand to his forehead. "Do you feel ill?"

"I…" he started, but his voice trailed off. How was he supposed to explain what happened? "I'm just…scared."

The brunet's expression became even more concerned. "Did you have a nightmare?"

"…kinda." Maybe he should keep what happened to himself. He didn't need Seto thinking he was hallucinating or something.

"Okay," replied the brunet, pulling Joey up to his feet. "Let's get you off the floor and back into bed. I'll leave the bathroom light on and the door open if that'll help."

"It would," the blond responded quickly. "But…I'm afraid to go back to sleep."

Seto didn't say anything. He just guided Joey to the bed. Once the both of them were under the covers once more, the brunet curled his body around the blond's as if trying to shield him from anything that might try to harm him.

Kissing Joey on the forehead, he said, "It's okay. I'm here. Go to sleep. I'll stay awake and keep an eye on you. If I notice you having a bad dream, I'll wake you up, all right?"

"But…ya gotta sleep, too."

Seto just shook his head. "I'll take tomorrow off. Your well being right now is what's important."

Joey sighed, knowing he wouldn't win the argument. Maybe he'd tell the brunet what happened in the morning. "Do ya think…we could get a nightlight tomorrow? I don't think I can sleep in the dark anymore," he said quietly. The blond wasn't sure Seto heard him.

But he did. "Anything for you," replied the brunet, kissing Joey's cheek. "Now get some sleep."

The blond really hoped he'd be able to.

* * *

**Author's Note – That was different, wasn't it?**

**Any thoughts?**


	63. Scorn

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Aesop's Fables

*Rated M for Mature (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

**Scorn (Rated M)**

Joey froze mid-step as he left the school grounds. His friends were already gone and here he was, in the same situation he was every single day after school: facing Duke Devlin's unwavering determination.

"Hey, Joey," Duke said as he sauntered up to him with a resolute smirk on his face.

"I thought I told ya to leave me alone," the blond replied, trying to keep as wide a distance as possible from the black-haired CEO.

"Come on. I know you didn't _really _mean that," he said, inching closer to Joey again. "So why don't you just stop playing hard to get and go out with me already."

"I have a boyfriend!" Joey snapped. "I keep tellin' ya that and ya don't listen! Just leave me alone!"

Duke narrowed his eyes in anger, not used to being talked to in such a way. No one turned him down. No one.

Approaching the blond swiftly, he grabbed Joey around the waist and yanked him forward, leaving no space between them. Duke intended to _show _the blond that he wanted him, but he didn't have the chance. Before he could do anything, Joey shoved him away as if he were nothing.

"Leave me the fuck alone," he ground out, his eyes blazing.

Fury filled eyes met his as they stared each other down. "Who the fuck could your boyfriend possibly be for you to turn me down?" Duke hissed.

"Is there a problem here?"

They both turned around to see Seto Kaiba moving toward them. Relief washed over Joey as he saw him.

"Not that it's any of your business, but I was speaking with Joey," the black-haired CEO spat to the towering brunet.

"Oh, it _is _my business," Kaiba stated, nearly nose to nose with Duke, "when you're harassing _my _boyfriend."

"What?" Duke paled slightly. Joey had been telling the truth! He _did _have a boyfriend! But Kaiba?

"Let's go," quipped the brunet, guiding Joey away from the other CEO.

As Duke watched them leave, anger bubbled inside him once more. How dare they dismiss him that easily? "He probably wasn't that good of a fuck anyway," he shouted, wanting to have the last word.

Joey gulped slightly when Kaiba stopped and tensed. This was going to get bad. Really bad.

"What did you say?" inquired the brunet coldly as he turned around to face Duke.

"Just take your two-cent whore and get out of here."

Joey cringed when Kaiba's fist suddenly swung and collided with the side of Duke's head, sending the black-haired CEO to the ground. And on the ground he stayed; he wasn't moving.

"OH MY GAWD! YA KILLED HIM!"

Kaiba turned on his heel and beckoned for the blond to follow him.

"We can't go!" Joey protested as he rushed over to Duke's still form. Was he even breathing?

"He's not dead," the brunet insisted.

"How can ya be so sure? And calm? Ya only hit him once and he's not movin'!"

"Trust me, I know what a dead body looks like. He's not dead. Just…incapacitated for the time being."

Joey stared at his boyfriend incredulously. "You're all kinds of creepy right now, ya know that, right?"

"Whatever. We have a date. Now are you coming or do I have to drag you away?"

"I'm comin'," said the blond, jogging to catch up with Kaiba, who'd already started walking away. "Um…how do ya know what a dead body looks like, anyway?

"No comment."

* * *

**Author's Note – It's been quite some time since an update, huh?**


	64. Introduction

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated M for Mature (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

**Introduction (Rated K+)**

Past the periphery of the city, on a solitary bench that overlooked the whole of Domino, Joey sat watching the bustling nightlife taking place below. He sighed, leaning back on the bench as he let his gaze focus on the stars. It amazed him how much the twinkling of the stars reminded him of the glistening lights that lit up the city.

Crossing his arms, he made himself a little more comfortable—and a little warmer—in the frosty air. A snap of some sort drew him from his thoughts. Turning his head to the right, his amber eyes picked up on a dark silhouette in the distance.

"Who's there?" he called out into the darkness.

The dark figure seemed to pause as if startled by the question. But, gradually, someone emerged from the darkness. "I didn't know anyone would be here," the person said.

"Uh…okay?" Joey replied unsurely. "Did ya want me to leave?"

"No. It's fine. Do you mind having some company?"

"Not at all."

"I'm Ka—Seto. My name's Seto," said the mystery guy.

"I'm Joey," the blond stated with a small smile. "Ya can sit down, ya know."

Seto sat—stiffly—next to him on the bench, the direction of his gaze matching Joey's. They both stared at the stars, as if searching for answers to questions that remained unspoken.

"Do ya come out here often?" Joey asked quietly.

"Sometimes," replied the brunet just as softly.

"What for?"

"To think," Seto answered almost immediately. "To wonder what it might be like to be…normal."

"Don't we all?"

The brunet dropped his gaze from the stars, focusing them on his hands before looking over at the blond as a question plagued his thoughts. "You don't know who I am?"

"Not personally."

"But—"

"I do recognize ya. You're that Kaiba guy who's always on the news and stuff. Some rich kid who owns a company or somethin'."

Seto sighed, the brightness in his eyes dimming.

"But that's _what_ ya are, right? Not who ya are?"

The brunet seemed to contemplate this. "I suppose."

Silence grew between them once more, the cold air growing denser. Steady breathing could be heard softly from the two of them, steam rising up from their mouths—which only served to show how much colder it was getting.

"I'm glad I got to meet ya," commented Joey.

"Same. It was nice...speaking with someone normally for a change."

"Yeah. Ya wanna make this a regular thing?"

"You mean coming up here again?"

"Yep."

"To do what, exactly?"

"I dunno. Sit here. Talk. Be normal."

"That sounds pleasant enough," Seto replied, a smile finally forming on his face. "This is the first time introducing myself hasn't resulted in disaster."

Joey chuckled at that. "Ya really gotta meet my friends then. Disaster follows us wherever we go. For us, that's normal. Ya'd fit in just fine."

"Hm…maybe. We'll see."

* * *

**Author's Note – No, I'm not dead. And I'm working on my other unfinished fics.**

**BUT CHECK OUT MY NEW FIC RECOVER! IT'S NEW AND I HOPE TO UPDATE IT EVERY SATURDAY!**


	65. 33

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated M for Mature (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

**33% (Rated K+)**

Seto walked into the living room and halted when he saw Joey with his face scrunched up, staring intently at the keyboard of his laptop. He was about to open his mouth to speak when he heard Mokuba sigh from the couch next to him.

Tearing his gaze from the blond, he looked down at his brother, noticing the bored expression on his face. "If you're so bored, why don't you two do something while I finish up some work?" suggested Seto.

"I am doing something," Mokuba stated, lifting up a stopwatch and waving it in the air.

The brunet glanced back at Joey—who was now sticking his tongue out of his mouth as he concentrated—before focusing on his brother once more. "Do I even want to know?"

"Um…I kind of told Joey that there was only a thirty-three percent chance that a person could find the F13 key on the keyboard."

"…there is no F13 key on the keyboard," Seto stated matter-of-factly.

"I know that," Mokuba insisted. "But he doesn't."

"How long has he been at this?" questioned the brunet as he watched Joey rub furiously at his eyes.

Mokuba looked at the stopwatch. "About thirty minutes?"

Seto pinched the bridge of his nose. "Mokuba, what did I say about things like this?"

The young boy sighed in exasperation. "Never pick on people with lower IQs than you. I know. But you have to admit, it _is _kind of funny."

"With how bored you seem, I'd have to say differently."

"I didn't know he'd be at it this long!" Mokuba protested.

Seto shook his head slightly before clearing his throat. "Joey, th—"

"Seto!" the blond screamed at him, looking absolutely murderous. "Ya broke my concentration!"

"Joey, there's no—"

"Now I gotta start all over again!" he screeched, tugging at his hair in angst.

"You can't be serious," Seto mumbled.

"Do ya know how hard it is to find F13? Do ya?"

"It's even harder to find the Undo key," cut in Mokuba. "Only about fifteen percent of people can find that one."

"Mokuba—"

"Wait!" Joey interrupted, his head snapping back to the keyboard. "I think I saw that one!"

Seto rolled his eyes. "I'm going to go…work or something. And let me know when he gives up."

"Will do, Seto. Will do," said Mokuba with a smirk as he restarted the stopwatch.

* * *

**Author's Note – That was fun, wasn't it?**


	66. Complicated

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated M for Mature (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

**Complicated (Rated M)**

Against the hard wall of the schoolyard, Seto threw his book bag. It landed with a resounding thud on the ground as he pressed his back up alongside the wall and slid down into a sitting position. He rested his head on his knees as he massaged his temples with his thumbs.

Why did his emotions have to be so irrational? He couldn't deal with irrational. Things—all things—were supposed to be rational. So why couldn't he sort out what he was feeling?

The brunet growled to himself and dropped his head back against the wall. He winced slightly, not expecting his head to have been that close.

"Hey!"

"Great," Seto muttered under his breath as Joey suddenly appeared, looking furious.

"Ya can't just start a fight and then leave! We weren't finished yet!"

The brunet just stared at him.

"Ain't ya gonna say somethin'?"

"What's there to say?"

Joey's anger seemed to dissipate as confusion became evident in his eyes. "Huh?"

"As eloquent as ever, I see."

The blond took that as an invitation to kick Seto's feet, to which the brunet responded merely by looking at him blankly.

"What the hell is wrong with ya? Why aren't ya bashin' my head in or somethin'?"

"Did it ever occur to you that I might _not_ want to do things like that to you?" he questioned.

Joey seemed to have lost his ability to speak, but only for a moment. "I don't get it."

Seto groaned and looked up at the sky. He could see the clouds passing by slowly. It looked like rain. If only that could wash away his mixed feelings.

"I hate you. But at the same time, I don't," he said, hoping that would be clear enough.

The blond slid down the wall, sitting next to Seto as he pondered this. "Ya got any more than just that?"

"You definitely know how to make things difficult."

"Well, excuse me for tryin' to figure out why you're actin' so moody. Is it your time of the month or what?"

"Don't push me."

"Ya got some PMS goin' on? Pissy man syndrome or somethin'?"

"Would you shut the fuck up? You plague my thoughts enough! I don't need you to rub it in!" Seto shouted, forcing himself up off the ground. He made to grab his book bag, but Joey snagged it. "Give it back."

"No. Not until I get some answers."

The brunet glared at him, but it seemed to have no affect on the blond. "Speak, then."

"What did ya mean when ya said I plagued your thoughts?" he asked quietly in response.

To be honest, Seto wasn't even sure he knew himself. "Anytime my thoughts wander, you immediately flood my mind. I can't get you out of my head. I find myself thinking about you, wondering what you're doing, what you'll do tomorrow, what will happen when I next see you. And I hate it."

"Ya really do hate me, then?"

"I'm not mad or angry with you," Seto explained quickly. "And the more I think about it, the more I can't tell if I actually hate you. And when I try to remember why I hated you to begin with, I come up with nothing."

"Heh. If I didn't know any better, I'd say ya liked me," Joey teased to blow off the deep turn their conversation had gone. But when the brunet remained silent, he grew worried. "Do ya?"

"I don't know," Seto answered honestly, looking lost. "It's…complicated."

"I know."

"You do?"

"I can't remember why we fight all the time, either. But whenever I'm alone and stuff, I keep thinkin' about ya for some reason," he stated unsurely. "What's it mean?"

"I'm the last person to be asked such a question."

"Because you're a robot?"

"I'm not a robot!" Seto snapped. "Stupid mutt."

"I ain't a dog!" barked Joey. "See! This is why we hate each other!"

The brunet yanked his book bag out of the blond's grasp, additionally grabbing his wrist in the process.

"Hey! Let go!"

"We're going to get something to eat."

"Together?"

"Yes, together."

"Why?"

"So we can figure out why the hell we feel the way we do. Maybe if we do something as common as having a meal together, we'll be able to figure this out. Stupid emotions."

"You've gotta be the most complicated person on the planet."

"You're next on that list. Now, come on."

* * *

**Author's Note – Feelings are weird.**


	67. Opportunities

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated M for Mature (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

**Opportunities (Rated M)**

Seto couldn't stop the feeling that overcame him. His brain was shutting down and it felt like he was going on autopilot. He wasn't even aware of what he was being told. Sure, he heard what the officer was telling him, but he just couldn't comprehend it.

"Mr. Kaiba?"

The brunet's eyes focused on the man in front of him, showing that he had his attention.

"As I was saying," the man continued. "We've secured the location of the threat and are currently gathering information as we speak."

"How…bad is it?" Seto asked emotionlessly.

"The hostages have been gathered at the bottom of Kaiba Corp., including your brother and…boyfriend. The one holding these people hostage is a well know terrorist. We've come to the conclusion that he's strapped with a bomb."

"Does the bomb have a dead man's switch?" inquired the brunet.

"We think so," the man replied uneasily. "But if we have the opportunity to take him out, we will. However, it's ultimately your call."

"We can't just take him out!" Seto snapped. "There are innocent lives at stake here!"

"Mr. Kaiba, negotiations can only go so far. We _know_ this person is a well know terrorist. He's killed hundreds of people before. If we let him go just to save those hostages, he could do something even more disastrous. Do you want that to happen?"

"My brother and boyfriend are in that building! Lots of people have loved ones in that building! If you take him out and he really does have a dead man's switch, you'll be killing lots of innocent people!"

"Sometimes sacrifices need to be made, Mr. Kaiba. If this man gets away, think of all the other people he could kill if we don't take action now," he added. "I know that you ultimately have the call, seeing as how many people you have in your pocket, but I _will_ go over your head if I need to."

"You can't do this," Seto ground out.

"Try and stop me."

* * *

**Author's Note – What would you decide?**


	68. Making History

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated M for Mature (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

**Making History (Rated M)**

Among the gaping crowd of onlookers—which consisted mostly of Joey and his friends—they watched as Seto, yet again, threw insults at some poor individual outside the Game Shop. And all the guy had done was bump into the brunet. The man had tried to apologize, but failed miserably if Seto's outrageous screaming was any indication.

"Is he ever…ya know, nice?" Joey questioned, turning to look at Mokuba.

"That depends on how you define nice," the small boy answered.

"But you're his brother. He's gotta be nice to ya, right?"

"Sort of. He gives backhanded compliments. Like one time when I got an A on my book report. He said it was good but he'd written one nearly as good when he was younger than me," Mokuba explained.

"That's kinda rough."

"Not really. I usually retaliate by saying he's just jealous that I have such a nice head of hair."

"…and that works?"

"No. But I usually feel like I've one upped him because he doesn't know how to respond to that," he replied with a shrug.

"Hey! I've got an idea!" started Yugi, face beaming. "What if we try to get Kaiba to be nice?"

"Ya'd probably have better luck convincin' a lion to become a vegetarian," huffed Joey.

Mokuba laughed while Yugi just rolled his eyes. "I'm serious, guys. Let's get him to be nice."

"How about we make this simpler?" interceded Mokuba. "Getting Seto to do random acts of kindness is nearly impossible. Believe me, I've tried. But getting him to _say_ something nice just might be easier."

"Ya can't be serious," groaned Joey. "The guy won't even give a greetin' without addin' some insult to it."

"Let's just try. There's no harm in that," said Yugi.

"Yeah. And if we can get him to say something completely nice—no strings attached—we'll make history," added Mokuba.

* * *

"What's this?" Seto asked when Yugi placed some coffee in front of him.

"It's coffee," the small teen stated.

"And why is it here?"

"I'm giving it to you."

"Why?"

"Because I just wanted to do something nice."

Seto stared at him blankly. "Again, I ask why?"

"Because…just take it, okay?"

"Are you trying to drug me?"

"No."

"Poison me?"

"No."

"Then why the hell would you just give me coffee for no apparent reason?"

"…"

"Stupid runt," Seto said as he left.

* * *

Mokuba frowned as his brother pulled into a parking spot outside of Kaiba Corp. How he would get his brother to say something nice was beyond him. It wasn't like opportunities just popped out of nowhere.

Or maybe they did.

"Hey, Seto? There's a parking spot over there. It's closer to the building," he said, looking at the brunet hopefully.

"What? You can't walk a few more steps to get inside?" Seto responded.

Well, _that_ hadn't gone as planned.

"Don't start getting lazy."

"I'm not getting lazy," Mokuba whined. _Great, I started a lecture._

* * *

"Okay, Joey. It's all up to you now," said Yugi, trying to nudge the blond in Seto's direction.

"Yeah. You're our last hope," added Mokuba, who was assisting in said nudging.

"But he hates me. How the hell am I supposed to get him to say somethin' nice?" Joey protested, planting his feet in the ground to stop them from pushing him.

"Just do it," hissed Mokuba, giving him a final shove.

The blond stumbled forward until he bumped into Seto. "Hi."

Staring seemed to be the only thing the brunet was capable of at the moment. Scratch that. There was the glare he knew so well.

"Did you get in a fight with gravity or did you just think it would be funny to infect my person with your fleas," Seto ground out.

Screw getting him to be nice. "What the fuck is wrong with ya? I tripped and bumped ya! Is that a crime?"

"I can make it one."

"You're nothin' but an egotistical maniac."

"And you're nothing but a mangy dog."

"Asshole."

"Mutt."

"Humungous bottom radish balls!"

"Slut monkey essence of sheer vile!"

Joey's jaw clenched. The nerve of the guy. "You're just jealous of me because I got nice hair!" Hey, if it could work for Mokuba, it could work for him.

Right?

Seto seemed to sober at that. "You do have nice hair," he commented absently.

"…what?" Joey deadpanned.

The brunet reached out to touch his hair. "Is it as soft as it looks?" he asked as he stroked it, which only made the blond freeze in place. "It is. It's really soft."

"HOLY SHIT!" Joey screamed.

Seto flinched as soon as he realized what he was doing.

"Ya said somethin' nice!"

"What? No I didn't! You lie!"

"Yes, ya did!" Joey cackled, pointing at him and laughing. "And I'm the one who got ya to do it! Sure, it was kinda creepy and I'm gonna make sure to avoid ya at all costs. But I made history!" He turned and faced any onlookers. "I made history here, people! History!"

"Shut up! I am not nice!" Seto yelled as he lunged at Joey, but the blond escaped him.

"Seto Kaiba thinks my hair is pretty!"

"What? I did not say that, you imbecile! Come back here!"

* * *

**Author's Note – You know you're smiling.**


	69. Death

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated M for Mature (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

**Death (Rated T)**

"Can I flush it now?" Seto asked exasperatedly, really hoping that this stupid little episode Joey was going through would end soon.

"How can ya say that?" the blond demanded, tears in his eyes. "He's dead!"

"It was just a stupid fish!"

"Rodney was not stupid! He was a good goldfish!"

"…"

"And I'd like to say a few words," Joey said through his sniffles. "Oh, Rodney. Ya were the best fish a guy could have. But I guess you're in a better place now."

"Oh, yes. The toilet is a much better place than a fish tank," the brunet mumbled. Joey shot him a glare.

"It was great knowin' ya Rodney," finished the blond. "Would ya like to add anythin', Seto?"

The brunet really didn't, but he figured that if he didn't say at least _something_, there would be hell to pay. "Goodbye…Rodney. You spent your whole life just…swimming around in circles doing pretty much nothing—Joey, how the hell can you be this attached to a damn fish?"

"He was my _friend_, Seto!"

"But it's just a _fish_! It can't do tricks and you can't pet it or anything!"

"Would ya just shut up and let me grieve?" Joey snapped, ushering Seto into silence. He turned back to the toilet. "I'm gonna miss ya, Rodney."

"…"

"…"

"…can I flush it _now_?"

"Yeah, go ahead," replied Joey as he dabbed his eyes with a tissue.

After Seto flushed the toilet, Joey started crying again. "Hey, how about we get something to eat? That'll take your mind off things," he suggested.

The blond sniffed. "Okay."

"There's this really great seafood place that just opened up that I've wanted to go to," added the brunet.

At this, Joey started sobbing again. "Why the hell would I want seafood after Rodney died, ya cruel bastard?"

Seto was starting to wish he'd never opened his mouth. "Fine. Forget the food. Let's…just get you a new pet, okay? And stop crying!"

The blond hiccupped a few times as he tried to talk. "Can…I-I get…a b-bunny?"

"Yes, you can get a bunny."

"Okay," Joey sniffed. "Then we'll get some fish and chips."

Seto looked like he wanted to explode. "But you just—"

"Shut up. I'm still grievin'."

* * *

**Author's Note – Has anyone here cried over a goldfish?**


	70. Rivalry

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated M for Mature (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

**Rivalry (Rated T)**

During his favorite time of the day, his boyfriend and his friends got along. But maybe that wasn't actually his favorite time of day, seeing as how it didn't really exist. It was his "perfect world's" favorite time of the day.

And this was definitely not it.

"Our boyfriends suck," said Joey as he watched Seto and Yami—yet again—going at it over some stupid game they'd been playing.

"Tell me about it," agreed Yugi. "This competition between them is insane!"

"They devote more fuckin' time to their stupid rivalry than they do to us!"

The two teens sighed as they continued watching their boyfriends. When it looked like they were going to come to blows, they finally decided it was time to step in.

"Seto, don't do it," Joey warned as he stepped between the two feuding teens.

"He started it," the brunet snapped.

"Me? I started nothing!" shot back Yami.

"And I cured cancer."

"I've come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are."

"And that's something to be proud of?"

"…"

"Why don't you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance before you make an even bigger fool out of yourself?"

"…you really are a bastard," ground out Yami.

"At least my face doesn't look like my neck threw up."

"Enough, already!" Joey cut in before all hell broke loose. "Why can't ya guys just create a truce like normal people?"

"Because they're not normal," Yugi muttered, which only earned him an elbow to the ribs. "Oof. Sorry."

"A…truce?" Yami echoed.

"Yeah. Ya know what it is, right?"

"Perhaps he really _does_ need to go to the library," Seto quipped.

"You're not off the hook either, prissy pants," said Joey.

"You can't talk to me that way!"

"This would be a great time for ya to become a missin' person," stated the blond with a furious glare that Seto withered under.

"…a truce, you said?" started the brunet.

"That's better."

"A truce would be perfect!" continued Yugi, his eyes widening with hope. "You guys should make a truce!"

Seto and Yami stared at each other. A truce? That would undoubtedly put an end to their rivalry, wouldn't it?

"And how would we go about making this truce?" inquired Yami.

"Uh…how about ya get to know each other better by askin' and answerin' some questions," suggested Joey with a hesitant smile.

Questions? This was going to be good.

"Okay," began Yami as he cleared his throat. "Kaiba, what would you say is the biggest problem in your life?"

"Just look in a mirror."

"Seto!" snapped Joey. "_Both_ of ya gotta be civil."

"How about we have Kaiba ask a question," cut in Yugi.

"Fine," ground out the brunet. "Yami, do you like anything about me?"

"Yes."

"What?"

"Your ability to disappear."

Seto frowned as his eyes narrowed. "You're an ideal argument against brother-sister marriages."

"That's it! I'm going to kill you!" roared Yami as he lunged at the brunet and tackled him to the ground. But Seto wasn't going down without a fight.

"Well, that failed," sighed Joey.

"Yeah. But it was worth a shot," said Yugi. "Let's break them up before they spill blood…again."

"Rivalries…"

* * *

**Author's Note – They can really throw out insults, huh?**


	71. Gateway

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated M for Mature (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

**Gateway (Rated T)**

As soon as his hand touched the soccer ball, Joey whipped his head up, knowing that something—no, _someone_—was watching him. Lifting the ball, the blond peered over his shoulder, but saw nothing. Shrugging, he placed the ball on his hip and continued on his way home.

It wasn't until he'd nearly reached the apartment complex he lived at that he felt eyes on him again, which wasn't unusual considering the neighborhood he lived in. But this just _seemed _different.

He stopped and turned around. "Who's there?" Joey didn't really expect an answer, but it was worth a shot.

Looking around a few more times, he inwardly shrugged before jogging up the steps to the complex, leisurely making his way to his apartment. Key in hand, he slipped it into the lock, and opened the door.

As he shut the door behind him, he tossed his keys on a small table and dropped his soccer ball on the couch, where he clumsily plopped himself next to it. He let his head fall back, closing his eyes and basking in the silence.

Until he heard something fall in the kitchen. And did someone just hiss?

Leaping off the couch, Joey grabbed for the nearest weapon—which happened to be a rolled up piece of newspaper—and crept toward the kitchen.

"Who's—Kaiba?" the blond exclaimed incredulously. "What the hell are ya doin' in my apartment?"

The brunet froze, not expecting to have been caught, apparently. "Nothing."

"Nothin'? Ya break into my apartment and ya call that nothin'?"

"…"

"Wait. Is this about the stupid thingy ya were talkin' about?"

"What…thingy?" Seto replied, trying to look confused. Perhaps he could try and fake being drugged to get out of this situation.

"The whole speech ya gave me yesterday about findin' the gateway to my heart and some shit like that."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," the brunet deadpanned.

Joey glared at him. "Ya _broke_ into my apartment!"

Perhaps faking being drugged wasn't such a bad idea after all. "I didn't break in."

"Then how else do ya explain bein' in here?" he snapped.

"I used a key."

"A…huh?"

"Your spare key that you keep under the mat. It's quite stupid, actually. Anyone could break in," stated Seto.

"Ya think?" Joey roared. "Wait! Are ya the one who's been stalkin' me, too?"

At this, Seto looked guilty. "I wouldn't call it stalking."

The blind sputtered in response. "Then what the hell would ya call it?"

"…actively pursuing?"

Joey pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on. Why did the socially inept people have to take interest in him? "Can't ya just ask me out on a date like a normal human bein'?"

"…that would work?"

"It's a helluva lot better than stalkin' someone!"

"Point taken," replied Seto a bit sheepishly. "So is that it then? The gateway to your heart? A date?"

Joey resisted the urge to slam his head into the wall. "It's a start."

* * *

**Author's Note – Young love…**


	72. Unbreakable

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated M for Mature (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

**Unbreakable (Rated T)**

After the game between the two feuding teams, Joey led his companions off the soccer field, proud and uplifted by the fact that they'd won their game and the championship. It had been close—and there had been plenty of playing dirty—but they came out on top.

"Ha!" the blond cackled as he hugged Seto. "We won!"

"Yes. And I'm proud of you," he said, a small smile on his face that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"What's wrong?" Joey asked in concern. If his boyfriend was proud, why wasn't he showing it?

"Nothing."

"Seto."

The brunet sighed. "It's just that sometimes you take so many hits out there from those unscrupulous, cheating bastards that I'm surprised you come out of a game…intact."

"Oh. Well, sure, I've been stomped on by cleats, elbowed in the ribs and head, kicked in the legs and stuff, but I can take it."

"This is soccer, not ultimate fighting," Seto deadpanned. "That stuff shouldn't happen to you out on the field, anyway."

"It's cool, Seto. Besides, I'm unbreakable," Joey joked as they started walking away together. But as soon as he'd said that, he tripped in the grass and tumbled to the ground. "Shit!"

The brunet immediately knelt beside him. "Are you okay?"

"I think I just broke my fuckin' ankle!" the blond cried as his hands reached to touch his right foot.

"Let me see," Seto mumbled, shoving Joey's hands out of the way so he could determine that for himself. His boyfriend seemed to be right. "It's broken, all right."

"Fuck!"

"…at least it was after the championship game."

"That's true. But shit, it fuckin' hurts!" Joey whined. "Why the hell are ya laughin'?"

Seto bit his lip to stifle the laughter that suddenly overcame him, but found it too difficult. "I'm sorry. You nearly get beaten down every game you have and come out unscathed. But you just trip in the grass and you break your ankle."

"Shut up!"

"I guess you're not unbreakable after all, huh?"

* * *

**Author's Note – This just seems so true to life.**


	73. Eternity

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated M for Mature (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

**Eternity (Rated T)**

Before the unsteadily hanging log, Seto peered around it to look at the oncoming tribes that had gathered there. It was that time of year again, where tribes from all over gathered in one place in order to find the one they'd spend all eternity with.

Over the past few gatherings, Seto had always come up empty-handed. But this year, he was determined for it to be different.

Deciding to creep away from his hiding place, he wandered through the people, hoping that _someone_ would catch his eye.

Someone did.

At first he hadn't realized what he'd seen. A flash of gold caught in his peripheral vision, and when he turned to look, the figure of a potential suitor struck him. The blond was tall and lean, muscular and just absolutely breathtaking. This was the one.

Taking a deep breath, he wandered over to the blond. "Hi," he mumbled under his breath.

The blond turned to him and smiled. "Hi. I'm Joey of the Wolf Tribe. And you?"

"Seto. Of the Dragon Tribe," he said slowly.

And then they just stood there, staring at each other, Joey growing more impatient by the minute. "Aren't ya gonna say anythin'?"

Seto blinked a few times before responding. "I want you as my mate."

"Isn't that a…little fast?"

"What's fast about it? I like you and you're bound to like me. I fail to see the issue."

Joey resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "What do ya like about me then?"

"…"

"Well?"

"…you have attractive ankles."

"I…what? What kind of a compliment is that?" Joey exclaimed.

Seto stared at him blankly again. "Your eyes look like shiny rocks."

"What is _wrong_ with ya?"

"You asked me what I like about you."

"Ya said my eyes look like shiny rocks!"

"…I like shiny rocks."

"Ya…what?" Joey trailed off as he started giggling. Well, this Seto person _did _seem interesting enough. "Wanna watch the sunset with me?"

"…okay?" the brunet replied unsurely.

The blond smiled and took Seto's hand. It was going to be interesting getting to know him. They did have eternity, after all.

* * *

**Author's Note – Love has ways of starting strangely.**


	74. Obsession

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated M for Mature (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

**Obsession (Rated M)**

Upon a chair of solid gold rested a golden puppy statue. Surrounding this display was a plethora of puppy images and picture of—

"What the hell _is_ all this shit?" Joey roared, staring—appalled—at what looked like a documentary of his life all in one room. "Where did ya even _get_ this stuff?"

Seto rubbed his hands together nervously. "…online?"

"What the—hair from my first _haircut_? My _baby_ teeth? And…is that my _underwear_?"

"When I said that I wanted to know everything about you, I meant everything," stated the brunet slowly.

"You've taken creepy to a whole new level," Joey deadpanned as he rummaged through the strange assortment of objects attributed to him. "I don't know whether to get ya a therapist, sign ya up for that hoardin' show, or call the police."

"…the police? Why would you—"

"One look at this and people will think you're stalkin' me!"

"I'm not stalking you."

"…"

"I'm not stalking you _anymore_."

"You're one obsessive freak, ya know that?"

"But I'm your obsessive freak."

Joey pinched the bridge of his nose. "Can we get rid of all this stuff? Please?"

Seto looked like he'd been kicked in the gut. "Do you know how long it took me to gather all of this? I'm not giving it up!"

"Then can we board up the room so I don't randomly wander into it in the middle of the night? It's creepy."

"I suppose I can…lock the door," Seto sighed.

"That's more than I expected."

"So I have to board up both rooms?"

"Both rooms? There's more than _one_?" Joey roared.

"…"

"Where is it?"

"There's only one. My mistake."

"Ya better tell me where that fuckin' room is right now or I'm gonna burn this mansion to the ground!"

"It's the basement," started Seto unsurely. "Basically, its size is the whole base of the mansion."

"What the fuck is wrong with ya? How the hell do ya have so much crap on me? You've taken obsession to a whole new level, ya know that?"

* * *

**Author's Note – Can anyone really be that obsessed? Thoughts?**


	75. Fight

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated M for Mature (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – So the idea for this drabble came to me the other day when my mom and her boyfriend got into an argument, which then escalated into my mom arguing with her boyfriend's brother. The mindset of these two men I find quite aggravating. You'll see what I mean as you read this drabble.

* * *

**Fight (Rated M)**

No one quite knew how the argument started between Joey's classmates. First, they'd been discussing equal rights between men and women and then everything had somehow blown out of proportion. If only Jake had kept his bigoted mouth shut, then some students wouldn't be on the verge of coming to blows.

"What I'm sayin' is," said Jake with an attitude, "is that if a man and a woman are gonna fight, she shouldn't attack him from behind or nothin'. If she does, she's a pussy!"

And Joey couldn't take it anymore. "Do ya have any idea how much sense ya don't make? That doesn't make any sense!"

"I have to agree," added Seto as he put his book down. He couldn't let this stupidity go on any longer. "Calling a woman a pussy does not make any sense. In the context you're using that word, pussy is being used as slang for a _man_ regarded as weak, timid, or unmanly."

Everyone paused, mostly due to the fact no one had ever thought they'd hear that word pass Seto's lips.

"Whatever, man," continued Jake. "I'm just saying that if a man and a woman get into a fight, she shouldn't take the coward's way out. Women want equal rights, don't they?"

"Oh, my god! That's not what that means, you idiot!" Tea shouted. She slammed her hands on the desk in front of her as she rose to her feet. "Gender equality consists of rights they are entitled to. Women—and men—cannot be discriminated in the workplace because of their gender! Then there is coverage in areas such as voting, equal pay, education! It has nothing to do with what you're talking about!"

"I don't see it that way."

"Look," cut in Joey. He was starting to get pissed. "If my sister is bein' attacked by some guy, I'd want her to do whatever it takes to protect herself. And if that means she attacks the guy from behind or kicks him in the nuts, she's doin' what she has to do in order to defend herself and get away."

"She's still bein' a pussy," said Jake.

"A _real_ man wouldn't attack a woman in the first place," snarled Seto. This guy was getting on his last nerve. But Jake just rolled his eyes in response.

"Unless they're swinging an axe at you with the intent to kill because they think you're cheating on her with her sister," Tristan deadpanned.

Everyone stared at him in silence.

"Dude, you gotta say away from the eastside chicks," said Duke.

"What can I say? I like the crazy ones."

"Anyway," continued Seto, giving Tristan a hard glare, "I don't care what anyone says. Naturally, most men are stronger than women. Men have a strength advantage. If it's a woman facing off against a man, the man—ultimately—has the advantage. A woman, on the other hand, who has lesser strength, needs to use tactical strategies against a man if she hopes to defend herself. It's called fighting smart.

"Take Yugi, for instance. He's much smaller than the average male. This may also mean he's weaker than the average male. If he is in a fight with someone larger than him and hopes to survive, he will use any means necessary to do so. If that means attacking from behind, biting, scratching, kicking, then so be it. It's a matter of being able to defend yourself."

"I'm sorry, but if a woman hits me, I'm hittin' her back. No questions asked."

"Why is a woman hitting you in the first place?" asked Tea. "Would it be because you called her a whore or a slut because she rejected you? When you outright degrade someone like that, many women will slap you in response because they feel that's the way they're defending their honor. Or do you just like to touch them inappropriately and get back-handed in response?"

Jake rose to his feet glaring at Tea threateningly. "It don't matter what I do. Cuz if I'm with a woman, what I say goes. End of story. She ain't got a say."

"What kinda bullshit is that?" snapped Joey. "Did I miss somethin'? Did we go back in time? Because last I checked, men didn't force women into submission!"

"And what of it? Maybe I should take a crack at that sister of yours. Show her what a real man is like," pushed Jake.

"Ya fuckin' bast—!" Joey leapt toward Jake, but Seto caught him before he could land a punch on him. "If ya lay a hand on my sister, I'll beat the shit outta ya!"

Jake grabbed his backpack and made to leave the classroom. "Your sister's not the only one who should watch out," he said, giving Tea a sadistic wink before he left.

That look made Tea's blood run cold. And she wasn't the only girl who felt that way. In an instant, Jake had taken power from each and every young woman in that classroom. Fear and uneasiness settled within them. It felt as though they had to watch their backs around every corner now.

Jake had taken something from them; their peace of mind. What made it worse was that Jake had friends. Friends who probably had the same views. Views that would probably never change.

And they knew it.

* * *

**Author's Note – I'm pretty sure you realized the mindset I was talking about, and I hope I delivered my message as clearly as possible. And before anyone jumps on the bandwagon that my mom's boyfriend is abusive, he's not. There have been some "standing your ground" moments between him and myself, but he's never touched me. My brother would beat the crap out of him if he tried.**

**The message I'm trying to send is that there are people out there who think this way; that women should be submissive, that if there is a physical altercation of some sort, that a woman should "fight like a man." I'm not saying there aren't instances where you may have to take drastic measures to protect yourself and/or family from a violent woman—because there are some out there. What I'm saying is that there are better ways to handle these situations.**

**I understand that everyone has their own views. Some may agree with "Jake" on some parts and some may not. Additionally, the situation you might be in determines how you react to it. If you fear for your life—whether against a man or a woman—I can understand getting violent in return; you're trying to save yourself; you're trying to survive.**

**Now, I shall end my tirade of rambling with a suggestion. For those of you who haven't already—or have—there is a fic I wrote called Self-Defense. In that, you will learn self-defense techniques, there is information on abuse, and other valuable information I believe everyone should know. So check it out.**

**And if anyone has a recommendation for a fic that covers tough topics—things that you would like to get information for, anything, really—give me a PM and I'll see what I can do about it. If it's an idea that can help people, I'm all for it. Just send me a message.**


	76. Game Show

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

*Rated M for Mature (Unless Otherwise Noted) – Sexual Themes, Language

* * *

Author's Note – It's been such a long time since I've updated anything, so I decided to do something really fun. I figured people could use a good laugh.

* * *

**Game Show (Rated M)**

"Mokuba, you had better tell me what the hell is going on and you had better tell me now," Seto ground out, eyeing the cameraman warily from the stage. "What is all this?"

The younger Kaiba didn't have the nerve to look even remotely remorseful. Instead, he gave his brother a wide grin and led him around the set so that they could see the front of the stage. In big, flashing yellow and green letters was the phrase, "_Do You Know Seto Kaiba?_"

"Mokuba," Seto started as he glared at the alarming letters before him, "I'm not asking you again."

"Well, everyone knows you're popular and lots of people know stuff about you, so one of the board members of the company suggested a game show involving you. He pitched the idea and it sounded pretty good, so I signed off on it. Cool, huh?"

"Signed off on it—WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?"

"While you were away on business," Mokuba stated simply. "When you're not here, I get to make the decisions."

"…"

Mokuba laughed nervously. "Uh, well, two fans are selected per show and they're asked random questions about you. If they get the answers right, they get points. And the winner gets the Grand Prize."

"And where are these questions coming from, Mokuba?" Seto demanded heatedly.

The younger Kaiba took a hesitant step back. "Heh, about that—"

"I don't even know why the hell I'm here!" Seto and Mokuba turned to see a very agitated blond arguing with the producer; it was Joey. He grabbed the man by the collar of his shirt and shook him. "Why am I here?"

"Joey!" Mokuba called out, trying to rescue the producer. The blond stopped what he was doing and looked over at him and Seto.

"Mokuba?" started Joey as he released the man's shirt. He marched over to them, hands clenched at his sides. "What the hell am I doin' here? Some guys pulled up next to me and the next thing I knew, they threw me into the car and brought me here! What gives?"

"I think I know," came a sing-song voice from behind him. Joey turned around and immediately recoiled. It was Sunshine Moonchild—Joey figured her parents either needed help or were astrologists given the name she had—and she was Kaiba's number one fan. "You're here because I wanted you to be."

Joey blinked at her a few time. "Huh?"

"This is a game show about Seto Kaiba. A show I plan to win. And I got to select my opponent, Joey Wheeler. And you're it."

"Why me?!"

"Because if it's against you, I'm sure to win. Of course, I know everything there is to know about Seto Kaiba, but I can't risk facing off against another fangirl, if you know what I mean. Things might get…out of hand."

"So ya picked me?!"

"Yep! See you later, loser!" said Sunshine as she waltzed away.

Joey's head whipped to the side. "Do I really gotta do this?"

"Technically? Yeah," said Mokuba, looking somewhat disappointed that Joey was Sunshine's opponent. Apparently, his hope for a catfight on stage was out. And what did Joey know about Seto, anyway? Maybe this show _would_ be a flop.

"I don't like this," Seto mumbled. His heart was starting to beat faster and faster. What if someone said something embarrassing about him? He'd never hear the end of it! His reputation would be ruined! "I will not be made a fool!"

"Mr. Kaiba, we'll be starting in five minutes," said the producer. "Places, everyone! And Mr. Kaiba, would you please head backstage with the young sir?"

Mokuba grabbed his brother's arm and pulled him backstage while Joey and Sunshine were guided to their respective podiums. Joey looked like he wanted the earth to swallow him whole. Sunshine, on the other hand, beamed like her namesake.

Once the host appeared, the cameras were aimed at the contestants and the live game show began.

"Welcome, everyone! I am your host, Thomas Miller, and this is _Do You Know Seto Kaiba?_ As you may have guessed, this show is about Seto Kaiba. I will ask our contestants questions about him and if they get the answers right, they gain points. The person who gains the most points will win the Grand Prize!"

Joey's head perked up. "Grand Prize? We win money for this?"

Thomas Miller ignored him and moved on. "To our left we have contestant number one, Sunshine Moonchild! She claims that she is Seto Kaiba's number one fan and—"

"I don't _claim_ it," cut in Sunshine. "I _am_ Kaiba's number one fan."

"—and she clai-_will _be Seto Kaiba's wife some day," he corrected after receiving a deadly glare. "To our right, we have her opponent, Joey Wheeler, who—as the public records show—is Seto Kaiba's number two enemy! The first, of course, being Yami."

"Get on with it!" Sunshine screeched. "I want to win and show Seto Kaiba that I am completely devoted to him!"

Thomas chuckled nervously before clearing his throat. "All right, then. Contestants, please notice the buzzer on your podium. Once I ask a question, and you believe you know the answer, hit the buzzer. Whoever hits the buzzer first get to answer the question first. If they answer correctly, they gain points. If they don't, that question is then passed onto the next contestant. If that contestant answers correctly, they get the points. If not, no one receives any points. Do you understand the rules of the game?"

Both contestants nodded.

"Then let's begin with our first question," said Thomas. "Was Seto Kaiba named after anyone?"

Sunshine hit her buzzer first. "No!"

"That is correct," said Thomas. Ten points appeared on Sunshine's counter. "Next question. Does Seto Kaiba have any children?"

"He has children?!" Sunshine screeched.

Joey's hand hit the buzzer. "No, he doesn't! Well, if ya don't count Mokuba, that is. He's a kid and he takes care of him, but he's not really _his_ kid—"

"We get the idea. You get the points," interrupted Thomas. "Next question. What color shoes does Seto Kaiba wear?"

"Brown!" Sunshine yelled when her hand hit the buzzer.

"I'm sorry. That is incorrect. Mr. Wheeler?"

"They're black," Joey answered.

"No, they're not! They're brown!"

"He's got like one pair of boots! They're frickin' black, ya dumb little—"

"Next question! What color is Seto Kaiba's house?"

"White! It's white!" Sunshine yelled, repeatedly slamming her hand on the buzzer.

"Correct! Next question! Does Seto Kaiba like his handwriting?"

Sunshine's hand hit the buzzer. "Of course, he does! He's Seto Kaiba!"

"Wrong," cut in Joey. "He hates his handwritin'. He thinks it looks girly."

Thomas blanched. "That's correct, minus the…girly part. I-I don't really know about that." He shot a hesitant look past the curtain back stage.

On the other side of it, Seto was on the verge of a mental breakdown. Sure, the questions weren't too bad, just Joey was _pushing_ it!

"Next question! If Seto Kaiba was a crayon, what color would he be?"

"What kind of a question is that?" Joey exclaimed.

Sunshine's hand hit the buzzer. "He'd be every crayon, so I say a rainbow because he brings all the color into this world."

Joey stared at her. "Whatever the heck you're on, gimme some. It's the only way I'm gonna get through this."

"I'm afraid that's incorrect. Mr. Wheeler?"

"Uh…black cuz it matches his soul?"

"Correct," Thomas exhaled looking downcast. These questions were just getting worse. Who the hell came up with these?

"Mokuba," Seto hissed from backstage. "Did you give them my diary?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Seto," replied the young boy. "And guys don't keep diaries. They keep journals."

"Fine! Did you take my journal?" he spat.

"Um…maybe?"

_NOOOOOOOOO!_ Seto's brain screamed. That meant his deepest, darkest secrets could be revealed on this very show!

"Next question," said Thomas. "What is Seto Kaiba's favorite lunchmeat?"

Sunshine's hand hit the buzzer. "Pfft. He doesn't eat lunchmeat," she chortled.

Joey rolled his eyes and hit the buzzer. "Bologna."

"Bologna?!" Sunshine snapped. "Seto Kaiba does not and would never eat bologna. That's revolting!"

"I'm afraid he's correct, Miss Moonchild."

Sunshine shot the host a glare so lethal, he felt himself rooted to the spot. "No," she started, a crazed look in her eyes. "No, no. My Seto Kaiba doesn't eat bologna! He doesn't!"

"O-kay. Uh, next question. What is Seto Kaiba's favorite sound?"

Sunshine hit the buzzer so hard, it started to crack. "The whirring of a machine starting up."

"Wrong. Mr. Wheeler?"

Joey rested his chin in his hands on the podium. "Yami's cries of defeat."

"Corre—"

"No!" screamed Sunshine. "You can't know more about Seto Kaiba than me! You just…can't! Okay. We're taking this to the next level! Bring it on, Mr. Host!"

"All right," Thomas replied unsurely. He supposed it was time to pick up the pace. "Does Seto Kaib prefer summer or winter?"

"Winter!" shouted Sunshine.

"Correct. Who does Seto Kaiba miss the most?"

"His parents!" called out Joey.

"Correct. Does Seto Kaiba untie his shoes when he takes them off?"

"Yes!" said Sunshine.

"Correct. If Seto Kaiba was another person, would he be friends with himself?"

Joey's hand hit the buzzer without thinking, so he paused for a few seconds before answering. "Uh…no because he would just see himself as another rival?"

"Correct. Does Seto Kaiba think he is strong?"

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" shouted Sunshine.

"Are ya answerin' questions or havin' an orgasm?"

"Shut up, Wheeler!"

"Uh, correct, so…next question. What is the first thing Seto Kaiba notices about people?"

"Their hair," answered Joey. Sunshine absentmindedly began fiddling with hers.

"Correct. Does Seto Kaiba prefer the color red or blue?"

"Blue!" said Sunshine.

"Wrong. Mr. Wheeler?"

"It's red," he stated matter-of-factly. "The only other answer was in the question."

"Just deal with it. Correct. Does Seto Kaiba prefer scary movies or happy endings?"

"Both," said Joey.

"Correct. Does Seto Kaiba prefer hugs or kisses?"

"Hugs because then he gets to cuddle!" exclaimed Sunshine, seething over her podium.

Thomas just stared at her. "Mr. Wheeler?"

"That's the same deal as the color one!"

"Just answer the question!"

"Kisses, then!"

"Correct. What is Seto Kaiba's least favorite thing about himself?"

"His diet!" screamed Sunshine.

"What?" echoed Joey and Thomas.

"His diet. He eats filthy things like…like bologna and all that other crap when he should be eating like me. I'm a vegan. And once I'm with him, he'll eat better. We can eat alfalfa sprouts and wheatgrass and flaxseed and chia seeds and raw nuts and organic beans and—"

"He's a human being, not a chicken!" interrupted Joey.

"Are you dissing the vegan lifestyle?"

"No, I'm dissin' you! Tea's a vegan and she ain't a nutcase like you!"

"FINAL QUESTION!" cut in Thomas. He couldn't take this anymore. "Whoever gets this question right wins the game because I don't care! What is Seto Kaiba's deepest, darkest secret?"

Seto blanched backstage. His fears were coming true!

"Which one?" Joey asked immediately after the question.

"Huh?" replied Thomas.

_I have more than one?!_ Seto's mind screamed as he wracked his brain. _How do these two know so much about me?!_

Sunshine's hand hit the buzzer. "Seto Kaiba writes homoerotic novels under the female pseudonym Selene Karin!"

"How did she know?!" Seto gasped as he pulled on his hair.

Mokuba's head whipped around. "That's true?!"

Sunshine slammed her hands on the podium. "The novels are about the male protagonist Samson Kane and his adventurous sexual exploits with his blond lover Johnny Walters."

At this point, Seto was starting to freak out. He needed to shut her up! But how?!

He decided the old fashioned way would work, so he bolted for the stage. However, Seto's foot got caught in the curtain and he fell backward into a lever, which moved, causing an old trapdoor to pop open onstage. Sunshine Moonchild fell through it, screaming at the top of her lungs.

Back onstage, Thomas and Joey stared numbly at the opening in the floor before the host cleared his throat. "Um…would you like to answer the question?"

"Answer the—she just fell through the damn floor!"

"Yes, well, once you answer the question, you win."

Joey crossed his arms and thought, appeased by the concept of winning the Grand Prize for himself. "Well, he's gotta deaf cat he named Peaches Kaiba."

"P-Peaches?!" burst out Thomas as his laughter consumed him. Tears started forming at the corners of his eyes. "Well, there w-we have it, e-everyone! Joey Wheeler is the winner of _Do You Know Seto Kaiba?_ And his Grand Prize will be—ha, ha, this is rich—a date with the man himself, Seto Kaiba!"

"What?" Joey and Seto both roared. The brunet finally made it onto the stage.

* * *

Yugi and Yami stared at the television screen as all hell broke loose on stage.

"_What do ya mean there's no *bleep* prize money?! Hey! Are ya *bleep* bleepin' me? Ya better not be *bleep* bleepin' me!_" shouted Joey from the television.

"So," started Yugi, "Kaiba's got a pet cat, huh? Yami?"

"Oh…my…GODS!" Yami shouted, looking horrified.

"Huh? Yami, I thought you liked cats!"

"Not that! Just…I've been having sex with Kaiba!"

Yugi's eyes widened dramatically. "Wait, what?! But you hate Kaiba! And you're with me—have you been cheating on me?!"

Yami realized how he must have come off and tried to clarify things quickly. "No! That's not what I mean! Just—the books—I—"

"Wait a minute! The books you get ideas from? For when we—you mean Kaiba wrote them?!" Yugi looked like he wanted to faint.

"That's what I mean! I've been having sex with Kaiba!"

They both sat in silence for a moment before Yugi spoke up again. "Technically, you haven't been having sex _with_ Kaiba. You've been having sex _as _Kaiba if we assume Samson Kane is Kaiba."

"That doesn't make it any better!"

"And that means _I_ have been having sex with Kaiba. Which means _you've_ been having sex with—"

"You don't think it's Joey, do you?" Yami cut in. "Johnny Walters. Look at the initials. And he's a blond. That means I've been having sex with Joey!"

"But Kaiba and Joey aren't together! Are they?" Yugi questioned.

"I don't think so," replied Yami, swallowing thickly. "Which means we've been living out Kaiba's sexual fantasies."

They were some pretty damn good fantasies in Yugi's opinion, but the thought was still slightly disturbing. "Do you think Joey's put it together yet?"

"No," said Yami as he looked back at the television. "He still seems upset that there's no prize money. But he'll find out sooner or later."

"Hopefully it's sooner rather than later," added Yugi as he watched Joey lunge for the host. Security arrived just in time to pry him off.

"_I'm gonna rip off your *bleep* head and shove it up your *bleep* *bleep* and kick ya where the sun don't shine, ya *bleep* piece of—_"

_Pssshhhhhhh!_

"I was wondering when they'd cut it off," said Yami.

"Do you think Joey's okay?" asked Yugi.

Yami shrugged. "We'll find out soon enough."

* * *

**Thank Reizbar-Ookami for the creation of Sunshine Moonchild. And if you didn't know, I borrowed Peaches Kaiba from her, too. Go check out her drabble!**


End file.
